My Aristocrat Joke
WARNING: The following is my attempt at making my own version of the joke, "The Aristocrats". This joke is obscene, vile, filthy, and everything that makes me me. If you are the extremely sensitive type, do not read this post. This is your one, and only warning.
A man walks into a talent agents office, and looks him in the eye and says
"Boy do I have an act for you, me and my family do this great bit and you should really represent us."
The talent agent says "I'm sorry I don't do family acts, they are too cute."
Then the man tells him "Oh but just give me a chance to convince you, it's a really great act, at least hear it before you pass judgement."
So the talent agent says "Alright, shoot, what do you have?"
So the man begins:
"So the act begins right, the stage is dark and there isn't a single light, until a spot light comes on in the middle of the stage revealing me and my wife. We're dancing to a very quiet, very soft sonata, when all of a sudden, our dog runs on stages, knocks my wife out of my arms, and begins to viciously sodomize her. My wife at this point, screaming out that her asshole is being violated by the family dog, tries to fight her way away from the dog, only to find that my six year old son, he's adorable you should see him, is standing over her with a knife in one hand, and his erection in the other.
Now, as all of this is going on, I decide to go off stage, and strip myself out of the tux I wore for the first part of the act, only to come back on stage dragging my naked, fourteen year old daughter out on a leash. Now prior to the act, I've been forcefeeding my entire family nothing but laxitives for the past two days, so at this point, as my wife is sucking on my sons cock with threats of death, begins to shit herself all over the family dog, as he begins to bust his load inside of her now bleeding asshole. The dog's dick is now covered with shit, and the bloody excretions of my wifes anus, all the while my son has driven the knife into the belly of my wife, and is taking the time to ram his cock down into the vaccant and bloody wound.
My daughter, still naked, is dragged over by me and told to lick the dogs bloody, shit covered cock, while she herself, as well as my son, who has now jizzed in his dying mothers gaping stomach wound, take the biggest shits on stage I have ever seen. Now this of course has got me all hot and bothered, so as I watch my daughter dragging her tongue along our dogs shit covered cock, and my son's own explosive diareha coats the inside of his mothers bloody wound, I decide that I need to get in on the action. I grab my daughter by the hips, kneel down to her level, and as viciously as I can, drive my fist as deep into her asshole as it can go. I mean it goes far, about up to the elbow. Now, my arm is covered in the shit that was forced violently from her anus, and as soon as I start hearing the squelching sounds of my fist viciously pounding into my daughters anus, the family dog begins to trot over to the bloody, shit covered corpse of what was once my wife.
As I'm doing this, my six year old son decides it would be a bright idea to ram his own blood coated cock right up the dogs ass, while the dog himself is feasting on the cum soaked, shit stained guts of my dead wife. My daughter about screams her head off, as I feel her anal excretions and now blood soaked flesh coat my forearm, and to add to the pressure and noise of not only the dog screaming his head off while feasting on my wifes entrails, I drive my cock deep inside of the same hole my fist is in! The fit is tight but by this point, my daughters asshole is so stretched out, and lubricated with her own vicious shit and bleeding skin, that it fits like a dream.
My son finishes fucking the dog up the ass, and commenses to blow another load into the insides of my now half digested wife. As soon as I bust a nut inside my now wailing daughters bloody, shit covered anus, I commense to get on all fours, and finish what the dog couldn't. So I'm feasting on the flesh and organs of my dead wife, while my daughter and son take turns 69-ing each other, each blowing a fat wad of diareha into each others faces, the dog soon takes the cue and laps up the messy, chunky portions of their shit on their faces. So my son and daughter are now covered in shit, cum, and blood, since the dog drew it's blood covered tongue up along their faces after licking up the shit, and as soon as my wife is left with only the upper half of her torso not feasted on; the flies are starting to buzz around the eyes I rammed my cock into while I moved into a sixty nine position during the feast, fucking her brains litterally and busting a wad inside of her skull, I take my sons knife, slit my daughter and son's throats, and burn their bodies in a ritual to Satan."
The Talent Agent, agape, looks back at the man in his office and says: "Wow, that was....amazing...what do you call it?"
And the man stands up, and throws his arms wide and says: "The Aristocrats!"
A man walks into a talent agents office, and looks him in the eye and says
"Boy do I have an act for you, me and my family do this great bit and you should really represent us."
The talent agent says "I'm sorry I don't do family acts, they are too cute."
Then the man tells him "Oh but just give me a chance to convince you, it's a really great act, at least hear it before you pass judgement."
So the talent agent says "Alright, shoot, what do you have?"
So the man begins:
"So the act begins right, the stage is dark and there isn't a single light, until a spot light comes on in the middle of the stage revealing me and my wife. We're dancing to a very quiet, very soft sonata, when all of a sudden, our dog runs on stages, knocks my wife out of my arms, and begins to viciously sodomize her. My wife at this point, screaming out that her asshole is being violated by the family dog, tries to fight her way away from the dog, only to find that my six year old son, he's adorable you should see him, is standing over her with a knife in one hand, and his erection in the other.
Now, as all of this is going on, I decide to go off stage, and strip myself out of the tux I wore for the first part of the act, only to come back on stage dragging my naked, fourteen year old daughter out on a leash. Now prior to the act, I've been forcefeeding my entire family nothing but laxitives for the past two days, so at this point, as my wife is sucking on my sons cock with threats of death, begins to shit herself all over the family dog, as he begins to bust his load inside of her now bleeding asshole. The dog's dick is now covered with shit, and the bloody excretions of my wifes anus, all the while my son has driven the knife into the belly of my wife, and is taking the time to ram his cock down into the vaccant and bloody wound.
My daughter, still naked, is dragged over by me and told to lick the dogs bloody, shit covered cock, while she herself, as well as my son, who has now jizzed in his dying mothers gaping stomach wound, take the biggest shits on stage I have ever seen. Now this of course has got me all hot and bothered, so as I watch my daughter dragging her tongue along our dogs shit covered cock, and my son's own explosive diareha coats the inside of his mothers bloody wound, I decide that I need to get in on the action. I grab my daughter by the hips, kneel down to her level, and as viciously as I can, drive my fist as deep into her asshole as it can go. I mean it goes far, about up to the elbow. Now, my arm is covered in the shit that was forced violently from her anus, and as soon as I start hearing the squelching sounds of my fist viciously pounding into my daughters anus, the family dog begins to trot over to the bloody, shit covered corpse of what was once my wife.
As I'm doing this, my six year old son decides it would be a bright idea to ram his own blood coated cock right up the dogs ass, while the dog himself is feasting on the cum soaked, shit stained guts of my dead wife. My daughter about screams her head off, as I feel her anal excretions and now blood soaked flesh coat my forearm, and to add to the pressure and noise of not only the dog screaming his head off while feasting on my wifes entrails, I drive my cock deep inside of the same hole my fist is in! The fit is tight but by this point, my daughters asshole is so stretched out, and lubricated with her own vicious shit and bleeding skin, that it fits like a dream.
My son finishes fucking the dog up the ass, and commenses to blow another load into the insides of my now half digested wife. As soon as I bust a nut inside my now wailing daughters bloody, shit covered anus, I commense to get on all fours, and finish what the dog couldn't. So I'm feasting on the flesh and organs of my dead wife, while my daughter and son take turns 69-ing each other, each blowing a fat wad of diareha into each others faces, the dog soon takes the cue and laps up the messy, chunky portions of their shit on their faces. So my son and daughter are now covered in shit, cum, and blood, since the dog drew it's blood covered tongue up along their faces after licking up the shit, and as soon as my wife is left with only the upper half of her torso not feasted on; the flies are starting to buzz around the eyes I rammed my cock into while I moved into a sixty nine position during the feast, fucking her brains litterally and busting a wad inside of her skull, I take my sons knife, slit my daughter and son's throats, and burn their bodies in a ritual to Satan."
The Talent Agent, agape, looks back at the man in his office and says: "Wow, that was....amazing...what do you call it?"
And the man stands up, and throws his arms wide and says: "The Aristocrats!"