Checking the Mic: First Edition
I've been looking over my LJ for the longest time now, and I've learned something; I haven't ranted in a good long while. So, we here at the Afro-nomicon; being seldom of sound mind, have decided to start doing a new segment we like to call, "Checking the Mic" With your Host, MC Zabuza. Anyway, lets kick this pig!
Now normally, I have topics to go along with these rants, so I guess this weeks CtM is gonna be about the general things that piss me off about all of you primitive, scratching, clawing little pests known as the human race. First and foremost, I want to say this;
I, HATE, CHILDREN!
For those of you who can't read, don't bother looking here because illiteracy is not my friend, in fact, it's the little retarded kid on the bus I make fun of, and then it's the parents who have to get devoured by bugging me on said bus. I hate children, I always have, I always will, and no one on this planet can tell me otherwise. Look, people; they aren't cute, there is nothing cuddly about them, and I swear to the nine hells themselves if you don't learn to tell your child to shut up, then not only do you fail as human beings and should report post haste to the nearest death camp, but your children should be put on spits and roasted for the betterment and development of lesser fiends (Come on people, won't someone please think of the Imps?)
I, despise children. To the point where I would love to pack up and move out into the mountains; or better yet, put a gun to my head and go home so I don't have to put up with humanity's collective obsession with their groin spawn. Children ruin my nights, they mess up my evenings, and they screw with my day. If I'm not on the bus listening to them complaining about some random thing that is lacking in their lives, I'm at my favorite resteraunt, screaming and howling at the top of their lungs because "Mommy" and "Daddy" don't have the fortitude to lash out and slap them silly upside the head; give those little bastards something physical to cry about.
Another thing that pisses me off about you little monkeys, is the fact that you love one another too gods damn much! Every time, every fucking time I see a couple on the bus I want to smash their heads into the glass, or stuff their legs underneath said bus and watch them get crushed. The latter is a bit more brutal and I know how you creatures think. You are all superficial, only caring about outward apperances and be damned if you try to tell me otherwise. Yes I'm misanthropic but I'm a fucking half fiend, I'm allowed to hate you filthy creatures! It's not that I have a thing against love, it's just the whole "lovey dovey" aspect of it that makes my fiendish digestion just turn. You touch, and you kiss, and you say the stupidest, and do the stupidest, gods damned things on the face of this planet.
Ugh, you people make me want to puke with your cutsey shit, do it away from the public viewing I do not want to see the first steps in the human mating ritual. I've about given up on that personally because it's a waste of fucking time, not to mention it's pretty much like going out into nature and seeing the way the higher life forms do it. Yes I called animals higher life forms than humans because I've had some of the most insightful conversations I've ever had with things like Dogs, Cats, Horses, Birds, and maybe the occasional chipmunk. Anyway it's all a fucking flashy sign of "Oooh look at me, I'm the biggest prospect out of all of these people, you want to fuck me because I am brightly coloured, and my Axe Body spray makes you horny!"
Folks, lets get something straight here. I'm a half gay man, which makes me all the way gay in Texas and the south itself, and I hate, I HATE, Axe, Bod, Tag, and any of that three dollar body spray that douchebags just seem to slather on in their desperate attempt to get laid. It smells like ass, and you smell like an even bigger ass for wearing it. Ugh don't even get me started on Aquavelva, Ladies, Gay men, let me hear you if you hate any of the mentioned products and the idiots who wear it.
Anyway, thats it for this edition of "Checking the Mic" With MC Zabuza, future CtM's will be in progress, I'm gonna try to make this a weekly thing. Thats right folks, MC Zabuza: Saying what you want to, because he doesn't give a damn.
Now normally, I have topics to go along with these rants, so I guess this weeks CtM is gonna be about the general things that piss me off about all of you primitive, scratching, clawing little pests known as the human race. First and foremost, I want to say this;
I, HATE, CHILDREN!
For those of you who can't read, don't bother looking here because illiteracy is not my friend, in fact, it's the little retarded kid on the bus I make fun of, and then it's the parents who have to get devoured by bugging me on said bus. I hate children, I always have, I always will, and no one on this planet can tell me otherwise. Look, people; they aren't cute, there is nothing cuddly about them, and I swear to the nine hells themselves if you don't learn to tell your child to shut up, then not only do you fail as human beings and should report post haste to the nearest death camp, but your children should be put on spits and roasted for the betterment and development of lesser fiends (Come on people, won't someone please think of the Imps?)
I, despise children. To the point where I would love to pack up and move out into the mountains; or better yet, put a gun to my head and go home so I don't have to put up with humanity's collective obsession with their groin spawn. Children ruin my nights, they mess up my evenings, and they screw with my day. If I'm not on the bus listening to them complaining about some random thing that is lacking in their lives, I'm at my favorite resteraunt, screaming and howling at the top of their lungs because "Mommy" and "Daddy" don't have the fortitude to lash out and slap them silly upside the head; give those little bastards something physical to cry about.
Another thing that pisses me off about you little monkeys, is the fact that you love one another too gods damn much! Every time, every fucking time I see a couple on the bus I want to smash their heads into the glass, or stuff their legs underneath said bus and watch them get crushed. The latter is a bit more brutal and I know how you creatures think. You are all superficial, only caring about outward apperances and be damned if you try to tell me otherwise. Yes I'm misanthropic but I'm a fucking half fiend, I'm allowed to hate you filthy creatures! It's not that I have a thing against love, it's just the whole "lovey dovey" aspect of it that makes my fiendish digestion just turn. You touch, and you kiss, and you say the stupidest, and do the stupidest, gods damned things on the face of this planet.
Ugh, you people make me want to puke with your cutsey shit, do it away from the public viewing I do not want to see the first steps in the human mating ritual. I've about given up on that personally because it's a waste of fucking time, not to mention it's pretty much like going out into nature and seeing the way the higher life forms do it. Yes I called animals higher life forms than humans because I've had some of the most insightful conversations I've ever had with things like Dogs, Cats, Horses, Birds, and maybe the occasional chipmunk. Anyway it's all a fucking flashy sign of "Oooh look at me, I'm the biggest prospect out of all of these people, you want to fuck me because I am brightly coloured, and my Axe Body spray makes you horny!"
Folks, lets get something straight here. I'm a half gay man, which makes me all the way gay in Texas and the south itself, and I hate, I HATE, Axe, Bod, Tag, and any of that three dollar body spray that douchebags just seem to slather on in their desperate attempt to get laid. It smells like ass, and you smell like an even bigger ass for wearing it. Ugh don't even get me started on Aquavelva, Ladies, Gay men, let me hear you if you hate any of the mentioned products and the idiots who wear it.
Anyway, thats it for this edition of "Checking the Mic" With MC Zabuza, future CtM's will be in progress, I'm gonna try to make this a weekly thing. Thats right folks, MC Zabuza: Saying what you want to, because he doesn't give a damn.