Beautiful weather in Seattle
I'm enjoying a pretty awesome phenomenon in Seattle I like to call "Sunshine." Luckily, I've been enjoying it for a couple days now, and even better, I've been able to take out the convertible and finally feel the wind through my hair. Now if only I could wear sunglasses without being blind...
To the inexperienced, when the sun shines in Seattle, and the temperature is above 65 F, you feel like you're in some beautiful foresty paradise. No where else in the country have I found such a great day when the sun is shining. I do understand that it is rare, but that's what makes me want to lay in the sun so much! It's a precious commodity, so use it well...
So besides beautiful sunrises and sunsets, I'm going to gloat about my girlfriend a little bit. She complements me in most all areas, and I've never really thought about it, but I suppose being opposite in all the right areas is pretty important. I'm not really great at planning because I've always gone out to places by myself, so I've usually relied on luck/being able to cope with any mistakes. Now that I have to plan for two, outings generally go much better. I still like the thrill of spontaneity, but it's nice for someone to demand a plan since most of the time, she's pretty dead on for what needs a plan and what doesn't. She also is able to suggest stuff that I actually want to do. The other day we had some free time and she suggests we go roller skating. I hadn't gone roller skating in years, and I severely enjoyed it! She kicked my ass, by the way; she is much better at skating than I am.
She doesn't mind low key activities, like just taking a walk in a park with someone. Yes, people actually do simple activities like that! My mind is always trying to come up with elaborate schemes, and I usually just say "eff it" and forget about it. She, however, can bring out the part of me that just wants to be simple. And I don't feel ashamed in the least... which is nice.
She also plans pretty awesome getaways, like horseback riding. I'm talkin' the fast kind of riding. It shall be glorious, I'm sure.
So she's awesome. Check. I also really don't mind talking about anything with her, and for the most part, I don't feel like an idiot when I'm talking with her. Sometimes when I talk to people, I get the impression that they're looking more to criticize than laugh. I'm not a fan of those conversations, especially since I don't really want to talk unless it's to make someone laugh or if I actually have a vested interest in it. And "vested interest" covers a very narrow band of topics.
We tend to hang out a lot. There aren't a lot of people that I could see this happening with, but I'm actually more used to having her around than not. I'm not sure when that happened, but if a couple of days go by and I don't see her, I actually feel like my life is missing something. Like a part of me is gone.
And that, again, scares the fuck outta me.
When did that happen? When did my mind cross that line where I'd hit withdrawal symptoms if I didn't see my baby on a regular basis? When did I stop being an independent person? Aw hell, my mind's in overdrive right now, and it's trying to protect itself.
I'm not too surprised. I don't do too well when I trust someone I met after my middle school years. I'm not sure what it is, but there's something that just pushes me away from people after awhile. It's like I have an expiration date or something. It's not really new; I've thought myself a little emotionally dysfuctional since I don't really hang on to people for extended periods of time.
I guess I'm a little scared that she's going to get tired of me and leave. So I suppose I don't completely trust her. Maybe that's the answer I've been looking for. The flaw that my head wants to find just to convince myself that she's not perfect. Well, there ya go, fucker, she's not perfect because you won't let her be.
Seriously, she's nearly everything you've hoped for in a woman, and I'm not sure if I'm intimidated or what, but I'd better treat this woman like the goddess she is, since chances like this only happen, statistically, every 25 years, and I'm not fuckin waiting around anymore.
I'm not sure if this is healthy, but I feel extremely bad when I screw up with her. I feel lost. I can't let it go, and my mind just zeroes in on what I did wrong, trying to find out ways to make it better. I guess I take it so hard because she's never been anything but a pleasure to be around. Most of the times I screw up, it's kind of a relic of my singlehood where I don't really transmit my plan to her, and my plan tends to be more focused on only me, like hey, I plan on spending the night at the party house, and my contingency plan is to walk her home, except it's still winter weather, and midnight walks are a bit chilly. Didn't quite think that one through, and I felt awful.
So overall, I met this girl, and now she's a part of my life that I'm used to. I've never really had that with anyone before, so I'm kind of in uncharted territory. I'm playing it cool, perhaps, but really, she might not have any idea how much a hold on me she has.
And it was all voluntary. That makes me smile.
To the inexperienced, when the sun shines in Seattle, and the temperature is above 65 F, you feel like you're in some beautiful foresty paradise. No where else in the country have I found such a great day when the sun is shining. I do understand that it is rare, but that's what makes me want to lay in the sun so much! It's a precious commodity, so use it well...
So besides beautiful sunrises and sunsets, I'm going to gloat about my girlfriend a little bit. She complements me in most all areas, and I've never really thought about it, but I suppose being opposite in all the right areas is pretty important. I'm not really great at planning because I've always gone out to places by myself, so I've usually relied on luck/being able to cope with any mistakes. Now that I have to plan for two, outings generally go much better. I still like the thrill of spontaneity, but it's nice for someone to demand a plan since most of the time, she's pretty dead on for what needs a plan and what doesn't. She also is able to suggest stuff that I actually want to do. The other day we had some free time and she suggests we go roller skating. I hadn't gone roller skating in years, and I severely enjoyed it! She kicked my ass, by the way; she is much better at skating than I am.
She doesn't mind low key activities, like just taking a walk in a park with someone. Yes, people actually do simple activities like that! My mind is always trying to come up with elaborate schemes, and I usually just say "eff it" and forget about it. She, however, can bring out the part of me that just wants to be simple. And I don't feel ashamed in the least... which is nice.
She also plans pretty awesome getaways, like horseback riding. I'm talkin' the fast kind of riding. It shall be glorious, I'm sure.
So she's awesome. Check. I also really don't mind talking about anything with her, and for the most part, I don't feel like an idiot when I'm talking with her. Sometimes when I talk to people, I get the impression that they're looking more to criticize than laugh. I'm not a fan of those conversations, especially since I don't really want to talk unless it's to make someone laugh or if I actually have a vested interest in it. And "vested interest" covers a very narrow band of topics.
We tend to hang out a lot. There aren't a lot of people that I could see this happening with, but I'm actually more used to having her around than not. I'm not sure when that happened, but if a couple of days go by and I don't see her, I actually feel like my life is missing something. Like a part of me is gone.
And that, again, scares the fuck outta me.
When did that happen? When did my mind cross that line where I'd hit withdrawal symptoms if I didn't see my baby on a regular basis? When did I stop being an independent person? Aw hell, my mind's in overdrive right now, and it's trying to protect itself.
I'm not too surprised. I don't do too well when I trust someone I met after my middle school years. I'm not sure what it is, but there's something that just pushes me away from people after awhile. It's like I have an expiration date or something. It's not really new; I've thought myself a little emotionally dysfuctional since I don't really hang on to people for extended periods of time.
I guess I'm a little scared that she's going to get tired of me and leave. So I suppose I don't completely trust her. Maybe that's the answer I've been looking for. The flaw that my head wants to find just to convince myself that she's not perfect. Well, there ya go, fucker, she's not perfect because you won't let her be.
Seriously, she's nearly everything you've hoped for in a woman, and I'm not sure if I'm intimidated or what, but I'd better treat this woman like the goddess she is, since chances like this only happen, statistically, every 25 years, and I'm not fuckin waiting around anymore.
I'm not sure if this is healthy, but I feel extremely bad when I screw up with her. I feel lost. I can't let it go, and my mind just zeroes in on what I did wrong, trying to find out ways to make it better. I guess I take it so hard because she's never been anything but a pleasure to be around. Most of the times I screw up, it's kind of a relic of my singlehood where I don't really transmit my plan to her, and my plan tends to be more focused on only me, like hey, I plan on spending the night at the party house, and my contingency plan is to walk her home, except it's still winter weather, and midnight walks are a bit chilly. Didn't quite think that one through, and I felt awful.
So overall, I met this girl, and now she's a part of my life that I'm used to. I've never really had that with anyone before, so I'm kind of in uncharted territory. I'm playing it cool, perhaps, but really, she might not have any idea how much a hold on me she has.
And it was all voluntary. That makes me smile.