All these things we don't tell each other (20/20)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Final chapter:
You're the one and only person I chose
In this whole world
As long as I have you, any future I have
Will always be shining...
Satoshi
"I knew you would be here."
"You know me well." I whispered.
"After all these years, yes."Kazu sat next to me, looking at the horizon.
"What are you doing here? You were at hospital."
"I just fainted while cooking. Jun knew you would never tell us where you were if he didn't lie."
"So, everything was a lie." I muttered.
"No. You really talked to me but I just heard all the beautiful things you said." Nino smiled sadly.
"Why are you here, Kazu?"
"It wasn't a good idea to leave without a word."
"I know. Akira made me understand I just ran away like a coward."
"And what are you going to do?"
"I wanted to come back. At least, to see you and Sho because I owe you better than a sms."
"You grew up a lot."
"Hey, I wasn't a child."
"You acted like one." Nino chuckled.
"Why are you here, Kazu?"
"I didn't want everything ended like that, it was too painful. I want to fight, to prove you that I haven't given up on you."
"It's not a question of winning or losing, I'm not an object." I sighed.
"I know but you have to choose between Sho and I and..."
"Stop!!Stop, stop, stop!!" I yelled, making him jump. "It's the reason why I left! Because it's not a game!"
"I know it. I just want you to understand that I never completely gave up. I love you, Satoshi."
"Even after all the pain I caused to you?"
"It's because of this pain that I can't give up. We share something special and precious."
"But you almost rejected me when we were at my parent's."
"Because I was scared. But Jun made me understand that I can make you happy."
"I don't know, Kazu..."
"What do you like in Sho?"
"I don't know. Everything is easy with him. I feel safe, I... I have none doubts."
"I know you never felt in security with me but..."
"It's not that! I don't know how to explain... With Sho, I..." I stopped, not knowing what to say.
"See, you don't even know what you like in him."Nino said softly.
"Because with you I can't lie!!!" I yelled, making him jump. "I can't be the perfect boyfriend I want to be! Because you know the shit I am. You know how horrible I am! Sho believes I'm someone good. That I deserve to be with him!"
"I've never thought you were a shit or horrible, Satoshi. You're a beautiful person, inside. You have your flaws but like every human. If I love you that much it's because I know the real Satoshi. I love everything about you. I won't lie and say that you never hurt me but I did the same. We hurt each other so much, why don't you accept it and let us a chance to be happy?"
"Because I can't make you happy."
"Why? Why wouldn't you be able?" Kazu asked and stood up to hug me from behind, looking at the landscape. "You know, what kept me alive during all his time was you. Seeing you smiling, laughing and happy is what gave me the courage to fight everyday."
"You killed someone because of me."
"Are you afraid by that?"
"No. Because he would have killed me if you hadn't killed him."
"It's a part of the many reasons I killed him. But I did it also because he was erasing your soul. When I found you the second time, I... Something broke inside me. Knowing he had beat you and rape you was just unbearable. And you are right, if I hadn't done anything, he would have killed you."
"Again, you went through horrible things because of me."
"And do you think I regret it?"
"I..."
"I've never regretted my choice. None of them. Because it was for you. I'm going to tell you all these things I didn't tell you, now."
"You..."
"Satoshi, I love you since the first second I met your eyes. I hurt you a lot without wanting it and I made mistakes but I don't regret it. If tomorrow I could rewrite our past, I would change just one thing. I would tell you my feelings for you rather than hiding it. You think you can't make me happy but you are wrong. I love everything about you. Everything. And you won't be happy with Sho because what we share is something deeper and that we can't explain. Our happiness depends of each other. We can't be happy if we are not together."
"You're so confident." I sobbed.
"No, I'm just realist. Do you know the story of soul mate?"
"No."
"It’s a story a woman told me one day…At the beginning, humans had four arms, four legs and one head with two faces. Zeus who was afraid by their power, separated them in two bodies and condemned them to spend the rest of their lives at searching their other half. Some stories say that love was comprised of one soul living in two bodies. When you were created, your soul was split in two. It went into two bodies and then you born and started your life into the world. Throughout your whole life on earth you are always searching for that other half of you, the missing part that will make your soul truly complete. And if you don’t find your other half in one life you have a chance to do it again in the next…Sometimes people can find their other half early and for others it takes a little longer…
"What happens when you do?"
"Then you love each other as much as you can…and then you do it all over again when you die until you reach that point that you can leave together and one doesn't have to come back to search for the other…"
"It's beautiful." I whispered, letting Kazu kiss my neck.
"Yes. It's what we are, Satoshi. We will never be happy in this life if we aren't together. Because I'm 100% sure we are this one soul split in two bodies. We are soul mates."
"It sounds so simple with you." I sighed.
"Because it is. Don't think about your doubts, trust me. We can't live without each other. I started to live when I met you."
"I also started to live when I met you. But..."
"I don't ask you to give me an answer yet. As my song was saying, I want you to be sure of your choice. I don't want you to leave me one day because you think Sho would have been a better choice."
"I'll think about it." I sighed, putting my hands on Kazu's arms around my waist.
Boku no miteiru fukei." Kazu whispered.
"Baka." I chuckled and turned around to hug him tightly in my arms. "Thank you, Kazu. Whatever I'll do, I love you."
"Me too, Satoshi, like the second part of my soul that I'm sure you are."
"I think I should go." I mumbled against the skin of his neck.
"Can I stay with you?"
"Kazu..."
"Just to sleep. I won't try anything but maybe it will be the last time where I'll be able to sleep with you in my arms."
"Okay. Come on." I sighed. Nino took my hand, linking our fingers but I let him do. It felt so good to have his hand in mine again.
"It's beautiful." Nino exclaimed when we entered my house.
"I really like this house, I feel better here than in Tokyo." I smiled softly, opening a cupboard to take a boxer.
"I don't doubt of that. You've always were meant to live next to the sea, in a place as calm as your heart is." Nino chuckled while taking his clothes off. He laid next to me and took me in his arms when I stayed away from him. "I feel complete now."
"Kazu..."
"Will you let me kiss you instead of making love to you?" I blinked, looking at his deep brown eyes that were staring at me as if I was the only one in the world. I nodded slowly, not sure if it was a good idea but his beautiful lips were calling mines like a mermaid's melody. Kazu put his hand on my cheek before bringing our lips in a simple kiss. I closed my eyes and parted my lips, allowing him to dive his tongue in my mouth. He gave me the most amazing kiss I had ever shared. So, French kisses were like that? Our tongues met for a ballet, feelings and mostly love invading our bodies. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing our bodies together and letting Kazu cup my cheeks to kiss me deeper if it was possible. "Satoshi..." I gasped when I heard him moaning my name like that. It was as if I was the most precious thing of his life. "I love you so so much..."
"Me too." I whispered between two kisses.
"Don't leave me... Don't break my soul again."
"Kazu..." Nino released me and laying down next to me, wrapped me in his arms. We kept kissing and cuddling for hours before falling asleep, letting me dive in all the doubts I had in my mind.
****
I opened my eyes when I heard a noise on my door. Someone was knocking loudly. Groaning, I left Kazu's arms with regret, standing up and walked to the door before opening it. My eyes widened when I saw Sho in front of me.
"Sho?!"I gasped, my face paling.
"Hello, Satoshi."
I thought I was going to faint. What was he doing here?! I wasn't ready to confront him and take a decision. Despite Kazu's words, I was still full of doubts and didn't know what I could do.
Sho was thinner than ten months ago. His face was pale and shadows were visible under his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as I was covering my body with a robe.
"I'm here for you. I won't give up on you and won't let Nino have you."
"Sho, I..."
"Satoshi?" We both turned around to see Kazu entering the living room with messed-up hair and sleepy look, still wearing only a boxer. "Sho?" Nino blinked. I saw Sho paling, his fists clenching.
"It's not what you think, Sho." I said precipitaly when I understood he was misunderstanding the situation.
"I think it's pretty obvious, isn't it?"Sho said coldly.
"We didn't sleep together, he only stayed for the night."
"I see..."Sho seemed to believe my pleading look and relaxed. "But it doesn't change the fact I'm bringing you to our apartment."
"What?!"
"Who are you to tell him what he has to do?!" Nino snapped.
"I'm his boyfriend."Sho replied coldly, his eyes throwing flashes to Kazu.
"You're not anymore! Get out!"
"No, you, get out!"Sho growled dangerously, making a step toward Nino.
"STOP!!" I yelled, making them jump."Are you two some kind of children?! I'm old enough to take my own decisions and to do what I want! I'm not a toy for God's sake!!"
"Satoshi..."
"Get out! Both of you! I'll agree to see you again when you'll both have grown up and will be able to stay in the same room without yelling at each other or fighting!" I snapped.
"Toshi, I'm sorry, I..."
"I know I've been unfair with the two of you and I won't run away again but leave my house now!" I cut Kazu off and left the living room to join my bedroom, slamming the door under their shocked eyes.
Two hours later, I heard a soft knocked on my door. Sho entered my bedroom without waiting for my permission and sat next to me on my bed.
"I'm sorry for earlier."Sho finally said after some seconds.
"It's okay." I mumbled.
"Satoshi, I'll be honest with you. I was very angry at you when you left because it was unfair for me. I've given you everything, trying to make you happy and loving you with all my heart and then... You left. After four years being in coma, you told me you slept with Nino and left without a word..."
"I'm deeply sorry, I thought you two would be better without me."
"It was wrong. Leaving without talking with us properly was worst. To be honest, these ten months have been a hell for me. I miss you so much. I don't know what wrong I did but I'm ready to change if it means your come back."
"You haven't done anything wrong, Sho. In fact, everything is my fault. I started to date you to fill the emptiness in my heart that Kazu was causing to me. But I fell in love with you. I've never lied to you when I was telling you that I love you. You've always been amazing with me. I feel protected, loved and happy with you."
"Then, why don't you come back?"
"Because I'm lost and afraid. You're an incredible person and boyfriend, Sho but..."
"There is Nino."Sho completed.
"Yes. I love you. Truly. But everytime I'm with you, there is Kazu between us."
"So, it's a rejection."Sho chuckled nervously.
"No. It's an observation. I don't know if I can give you the happiness you deserve, Sho. The last thing I want is hurting you."
"Why don't you choose Nino, if he is always between us?"
"I don't know. I don't think I can make any of you happy."
"Don't say that, Satoshi. You can. If you were coming back to me and I let Nino be a part of our lives, would it be enough for you? Would you stay with me if I let you see him as much as you want?"
"I..." I looked at him with hope in my eyes but Sho cut me off.
"Don't give me an answer now. Think about it and tell me when you are sure. Whatever your choice is, I don't regret anything because what we lived and shared together was beautiful and made me incredibly happy."
"Me too. Being with you was amazing. I'll think about what you said for Kazu and will tell you." I smiled softly.
"Okay. I'll be at Sakura's hotel." Sho stroked my cheek and kissed me. It wasn't like with Kazu. It was different but very good too. How could I choose when I was in love with two fabulous men?
****
I sat on the sand, looking at the children playing in the water. A soft smile spread my lips. They were still so innocent, so naives about the cruelty of the world. They didn't know how unfair life could be and were laughing and playing as if nothing bad could happen to them.
"You called me?"
"Hum. I've thought a lot about your words, your kisses and about us." I said without looking at him.
"And?"
"I can't. I'm sorry."
"I knew you wouldn't accept."
"I'm sorry. I don't know how to explain..."
"No need to. I understand and I knew you wouldn't choose me. Besides, I think it's better this way."
"Eh?" I turned my face to look at him for the first time. Tears were shining in his eyes despite his smile.
"I've met someone after you left."
"Why didn't you tell me? What you said, all your beautiful words were false?" I frowned.
"No. If you had chosen me, I wouldn't have kept seeing him. But now, I understand that despite what we went through together, we aren't meant to be together or at least, you or fate think that. I think I needed to hear your rejection to accept this painful reality. To accept I was wrong and we aren't meant to be together."
"I hope you'll be happier with him."
"I'll always love you, Toshi. What we shared was special and beautiful even if we both suffered at the end."
"Thank you. Maybe one day we will be able to see each other without feeling any pain."
"I hope so too. I don't want to lose you or erase you from my life, you're a precious person for me."
"For me too. But Kazu, I..."
"I... It's very hard for me to give up on you and let you go. I want to fight more but I know it would be wrong. I have to respect your choice and let you go." He was now crying and I wrapped him in my arms before kissing him for the last time.
"Goodbye." I whispered between our lips.
"It's not a goodbye as you'll stay in my life."
"You're right." I smiled.
"Stop thinking you can't make someone happy, Toshi. You're a wonderful person and being with you always made me feel special and lucky even if I hurt you a lot with my nasty attitudes."
"Thank you." He kissed my lips a last time before leaving.
I cried more than ever but felt better. I had to turn a page of my life. Standing up, I decided to give my last answer to the second person of my life. It was hard and I wasn't sure if it was the good choice but when I thought about it, I knew I had to do it.
I joined the bar where I was working and blinked, seeing him crying. He really was playing the piano? I was shocked. How could he... And was singing. Since when was he singing and playing the piano? And so beautifully. When he saw me, a painful smile spread his lips as tears were rolling down his cheeks like a waterfall.
We could have told all that to each other
Elsewhere than at the cafe down there
That you would maybe leave
And maybe you wouldn't even come back
But anyway, what's sure
Is that we could have laughed about it
So we're going to break up like that ,
Like two fools in front of the cafe down there
Like in a B series
We're both bad
We've been making fun so many times
Of the people who did that
But I can't find a refrain for our story
All the words that occur to me are pathetic
I pretty much know I've said it too much
But I'm still telling you...
I love you
I still want to thank you
For all the mean words we've never told each other
Some people are laughing already
I don't care, I've never liked them
We looked too happy together
Some people can't stand that
But I can't finda refrain for our story
All the words that occur to me are pathetic
I pretty much know I've said it too much
But I'm still telling you...
I love you
I pretty much know I've said it too much
But I'm still telling you...I love you...
I love you
I put my hand on my mouth, crying silently. I didn't know how to react. It was... My heart was crying too. He never told me so beautiful things before. He never showed his feelings as much as tonight. In front of a whole bar.
"It will be my last words for you."
"Why?" I sobbed.
"Because you chose him. I knew you would choose him, he is what you need in your life to be happy. We didn't share many moments together but I've loved everyone. I love you, Satoshi but as I've said it in this bad song, I know I've telling it to you too much."
"No, you haven't. And you are wrong."
"Eh?"
"I have rejected him."
"Eh?! But I saw you kissing on the beach and... And he is what you need in your life to be happy."
"We were telling goodbye. I need you, to be truly happy in my life. Thank you for this song, it was beautiful. But I disagree, you've not telling me these words too much. So, you'll have to tell me you love me everyday now. And forever." I smiled softly in front of his shocked face. "So? Will you tell me the most important thing you wanted to tell me?" I asked after some minutes when he didn't react.
"I love you, Satoshi."
"I love you too, Kazunari."I grinned, letting him drive me in the most erotic and amazing kiss of my life under the happy shouts of the people in the bar.
Two years later...
"Dinner is ready!"
"Haiiii!!!"Aiba exclaimed. "Elena, come here now!!"
"Hop hop, why are your driving your daddy crazy, young girl?" Jun exclaimed, catching a half naked one year old girl who was making Aiba run in the whole garden.
"Papa!!" The little girl giggled.
"Be a good girl, my princess and let daddy dress you." Jun chuckled, kissing his daughter’s neck.
"Thank you, Jun, she is making me run for 20 minutes."Aiba sighed in relief.
"You're getting old, honey. I've heard the doorbell, it must be Ohchan and Kazu."
"I'll go."Aiba kissed his lover's lips and walked to the door to open it, showing two perverts kissing each other hungrily.
"You could stop to eat each other's mouths for a day, no?" Aiba sighed.
"Uncle Nohno, uncle Zuzu!!"
"Elena!" Nino welcomed the girl in his arms.
"You've growing up since yesterday."I smiled, kissing the girl's forehead.
"Come on, sweetie, uncle Kazu will show you how to play at Mario kart." Nino exclaimed.
"Nino!"Aiba scowled.
"What? She needs a master that will teach her what true life is." Nino smirked.
"Stop turning my niece in a geek, brat!" A voice exclaimed behind them.
"Uncle Sho!" Elena exclaimed, holding her arms to the older.
"Sho, it's been a while!" I grinned, hugging him happily.
"Six months aren't that much."Sho teased me.
"And where is Okada?"
"I'm here!" A voice exclaimed and we gasped, seeing Sho's lover with a baby against him.
"What?! I... Wh..."
"We finally adopted. Let me introduce you our son, Satoru."
"He is so cute!!!"Aiba exclaimed. "How old is he?!"
"Three months."Sho said proudly before frowning when he saw my look. "Satoshi, are you okay?"
"I... Satoru..."Sho nodded and looked at me with a smile. I hugged him, understanding the small gift he was offering me. "Thank you." I whispered.
"In fact, I have something to ask you."
"Hun?"
"Will you be his godfather?"
"Me?" I blinked.
"You'll be perfect in this role." I smiled widely, taking the baby in my arms.
"Hello, Satoru, welcome in our big baka family." I rocked the baby in my arms, smiling softly.
"He likes you." Okada chuckled.
"Everybody likes Satoshi."Sho smiled.
"Come on, we have to introduce this little one to Jun."Aiba clapped his hands happily.
"Yes!"
I caught Sho's hand before he followed them.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"I told you two years ago that I didn't want to let you go of my life." Sho smiled.
"Yes. Are you happy with Okada?"
"Incredibly happy. Now, I realize we weren't meant to be together. I'm glad I met him, we are happy and now we have Satoru." Sho grinned.
"I'm happy you found him. He is a good guy, we like him a lot."
"We are a big family, life couldn't separate us and it's better this way."Sho smiled before kissing my cheek and joining the others in the garden where Jun was fanboying on the baby, saying he wanted a second child. This diva was born to be a papa.
I smiled happily in front of the scene. I was wondering if I would be at Okada's place if I had chosen Sho. Maybe or maybe not. As much as I loved him, I was meant to be with Kazu. The beginning was hard for us but we built a new relationship and I felt incredibly happy. It took one year to Sho and I to rebuild a new friendship but we managed to do it. Because we were all forming a family and were meant to be together, whatever life was imposing to us. Now, we were completely and truly happy.
"What are you thinking about?"Kazu asked, wrapping my waist from behind.
"About how lucky I am to have you and our friends."
"I would have never thought it would end like that but I'm happy. Our friendship was too precious to be erased."
"Hun. I love you, Kazu."
"I love you too and..."
"Yes?"
"I would like to have a little one running in our apartment every day."
"You?" I blinked.
"Oi, I like children!"
"But you said you didn't want a child because it would spoil our sex life." I chuckled.
"I'll find a way to gag your screams."Kazu smirked.
"Baka." I laughed.
"So, what do you think? About a little one? Elena and Satoru would be happy with a cousin."
"I think so. But you'll fill the papers." I exclaimed.
"Lazy chubby man!"Kazu bit my neck.
"And you'll have to work less."
"My next album will be in one year. I've already the title."
"And?"
"Indestructible bonds."
"I love it."
"It will show how precious bonds can't be cut despite the painful things of life."
"Our story."
"Yes. The story of the family I would have never had without you, Jun, Aiba and Sho."
"Because we are one soul in two bodies?"
"Yes. And because sometimes, there are persons you need in your life to be happy."Kazu smiled, kissing my cheek and looking at our friends who were laughing and teasing each other.
I did it. I chose. Even if I loved Sho, it was Kazu since the beginning, since Masa's party. We said we couldn't erase our past but we also couldn't lie to our heart. I was happy, now because we knew everything about each other's feelings.
And we had found the most important thing in a life. A family. Because even if we weren't sharing the same blood, we needed each other to be happy. We were five persons born in different middles with different pains and traumas but we mostly were sharing the same thing. An incredible and deep friendship that nothing could break.
If one day, you're lost. If one day you think something is missing in your life. If one day you are seeing your best friend in another way, don't hide him/her your feelings and tell him/her all these things you don't tell each other before it could be too late and maybe, everything will be all right. Because even if truth can hurt, lies and secrets are what can destroy your life like it did for us during all these years. But now, we could say we were the happiest persons in the world.
Owari<3
A/N : T.T This is already the end TT I can’t stop being sad because another story is over T.T I hope you’ve liked this fic (and end XD) as much as I’ve liked to write it ^^ At the beginning, Ohchan ended alone but I rewrote it as I thought he was just meant to be with his Kazu xD it would have been tough not to let them together after what they shared xD So, even if Ohchan played his baka, it was because he was confused and scared of being honest and happy. And I also wanted a happy end for Sho who didn’t deserve to end alone and sad xD And of course, I couldn’t separate our Arashi because their friendship is just amazing, precious and rare, so, they had to stay together until the end xD Sometimes, we hide secrets to the most important persons and I think it’s something pretty bad because secrets can destroy lives.
I want to thank all the readers who read this fic and a special kiss for the one who commented because it’s what gives me the confidence to continue and not to think too much that my stories are bad xD And a very big kiss for my dear Krystalkatz who allowed me kindly to use the story of her grandmother about the one soul in two bodies.
A big kiss too for Lilisan31 who help me a lot for my banners <3
When my Sakuraiba will be over (two chapters to go), I’ll start to post my new Ohmiya/Juntoshi/Sakuraiba, Prince of Japan, before posting my new fic Lie to me that I’m still writing xD And of course, for the readers who miss Sakuraiba series, I’m starting to write a new Sakuraiba ^^
Thank you again for reading and commenting all this fic and see you soon <3
Author: MatsuAurore
Banner: Lilisan31
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Final chapter:
You're the one and only person I chose
In this whole world
As long as I have you, any future I have
Will always be shining...
Satoshi
"I knew you would be here."
"You know me well." I whispered.
"After all these years, yes."Kazu sat next to me, looking at the horizon.
"What are you doing here? You were at hospital."
"I just fainted while cooking. Jun knew you would never tell us where you were if he didn't lie."
"So, everything was a lie." I muttered.
"No. You really talked to me but I just heard all the beautiful things you said." Nino smiled sadly.
"Why are you here, Kazu?"
"It wasn't a good idea to leave without a word."
"I know. Akira made me understand I just ran away like a coward."
"And what are you going to do?"
"I wanted to come back. At least, to see you and Sho because I owe you better than a sms."
"You grew up a lot."
"Hey, I wasn't a child."
"You acted like one." Nino chuckled.
"Why are you here, Kazu?"
"I didn't want everything ended like that, it was too painful. I want to fight, to prove you that I haven't given up on you."
"It's not a question of winning or losing, I'm not an object." I sighed.
"I know but you have to choose between Sho and I and..."
"Stop!!Stop, stop, stop!!" I yelled, making him jump. "It's the reason why I left! Because it's not a game!"
"I know it. I just want you to understand that I never completely gave up. I love you, Satoshi."
"Even after all the pain I caused to you?"
"It's because of this pain that I can't give up. We share something special and precious."
"But you almost rejected me when we were at my parent's."
"Because I was scared. But Jun made me understand that I can make you happy."
"I don't know, Kazu..."
"What do you like in Sho?"
"I don't know. Everything is easy with him. I feel safe, I... I have none doubts."
"I know you never felt in security with me but..."
"It's not that! I don't know how to explain... With Sho, I..." I stopped, not knowing what to say.
"See, you don't even know what you like in him."Nino said softly.
"Because with you I can't lie!!!" I yelled, making him jump. "I can't be the perfect boyfriend I want to be! Because you know the shit I am. You know how horrible I am! Sho believes I'm someone good. That I deserve to be with him!"
"I've never thought you were a shit or horrible, Satoshi. You're a beautiful person, inside. You have your flaws but like every human. If I love you that much it's because I know the real Satoshi. I love everything about you. I won't lie and say that you never hurt me but I did the same. We hurt each other so much, why don't you accept it and let us a chance to be happy?"
"Because I can't make you happy."
"Why? Why wouldn't you be able?" Kazu asked and stood up to hug me from behind, looking at the landscape. "You know, what kept me alive during all his time was you. Seeing you smiling, laughing and happy is what gave me the courage to fight everyday."
"You killed someone because of me."
"Are you afraid by that?"
"No. Because he would have killed me if you hadn't killed him."
"It's a part of the many reasons I killed him. But I did it also because he was erasing your soul. When I found you the second time, I... Something broke inside me. Knowing he had beat you and rape you was just unbearable. And you are right, if I hadn't done anything, he would have killed you."
"Again, you went through horrible things because of me."
"And do you think I regret it?"
"I..."
"I've never regretted my choice. None of them. Because it was for you. I'm going to tell you all these things I didn't tell you, now."
"You..."
"Satoshi, I love you since the first second I met your eyes. I hurt you a lot without wanting it and I made mistakes but I don't regret it. If tomorrow I could rewrite our past, I would change just one thing. I would tell you my feelings for you rather than hiding it. You think you can't make me happy but you are wrong. I love everything about you. Everything. And you won't be happy with Sho because what we share is something deeper and that we can't explain. Our happiness depends of each other. We can't be happy if we are not together."
"You're so confident." I sobbed.
"No, I'm just realist. Do you know the story of soul mate?"
"No."
"It’s a story a woman told me one day…At the beginning, humans had four arms, four legs and one head with two faces. Zeus who was afraid by their power, separated them in two bodies and condemned them to spend the rest of their lives at searching their other half. Some stories say that love was comprised of one soul living in two bodies. When you were created, your soul was split in two. It went into two bodies and then you born and started your life into the world. Throughout your whole life on earth you are always searching for that other half of you, the missing part that will make your soul truly complete. And if you don’t find your other half in one life you have a chance to do it again in the next…Sometimes people can find their other half early and for others it takes a little longer…
"What happens when you do?"
"Then you love each other as much as you can…and then you do it all over again when you die until you reach that point that you can leave together and one doesn't have to come back to search for the other…"
"It's beautiful." I whispered, letting Kazu kiss my neck.
"Yes. It's what we are, Satoshi. We will never be happy in this life if we aren't together. Because I'm 100% sure we are this one soul split in two bodies. We are soul mates."
"It sounds so simple with you." I sighed.
"Because it is. Don't think about your doubts, trust me. We can't live without each other. I started to live when I met you."
"I also started to live when I met you. But..."
"I don't ask you to give me an answer yet. As my song was saying, I want you to be sure of your choice. I don't want you to leave me one day because you think Sho would have been a better choice."
"I'll think about it." I sighed, putting my hands on Kazu's arms around my waist.
Boku no miteiru fukei." Kazu whispered.
"Baka." I chuckled and turned around to hug him tightly in my arms. "Thank you, Kazu. Whatever I'll do, I love you."
"Me too, Satoshi, like the second part of my soul that I'm sure you are."
"I think I should go." I mumbled against the skin of his neck.
"Can I stay with you?"
"Kazu..."
"Just to sleep. I won't try anything but maybe it will be the last time where I'll be able to sleep with you in my arms."
"Okay. Come on." I sighed. Nino took my hand, linking our fingers but I let him do. It felt so good to have his hand in mine again.
"It's beautiful." Nino exclaimed when we entered my house.
"I really like this house, I feel better here than in Tokyo." I smiled softly, opening a cupboard to take a boxer.
"I don't doubt of that. You've always were meant to live next to the sea, in a place as calm as your heart is." Nino chuckled while taking his clothes off. He laid next to me and took me in his arms when I stayed away from him. "I feel complete now."
"Kazu..."
"Will you let me kiss you instead of making love to you?" I blinked, looking at his deep brown eyes that were staring at me as if I was the only one in the world. I nodded slowly, not sure if it was a good idea but his beautiful lips were calling mines like a mermaid's melody. Kazu put his hand on my cheek before bringing our lips in a simple kiss. I closed my eyes and parted my lips, allowing him to dive his tongue in my mouth. He gave me the most amazing kiss I had ever shared. So, French kisses were like that? Our tongues met for a ballet, feelings and mostly love invading our bodies. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing our bodies together and letting Kazu cup my cheeks to kiss me deeper if it was possible. "Satoshi..." I gasped when I heard him moaning my name like that. It was as if I was the most precious thing of his life. "I love you so so much..."
"Me too." I whispered between two kisses.
"Don't leave me... Don't break my soul again."
"Kazu..." Nino released me and laying down next to me, wrapped me in his arms. We kept kissing and cuddling for hours before falling asleep, letting me dive in all the doubts I had in my mind.
****
I opened my eyes when I heard a noise on my door. Someone was knocking loudly. Groaning, I left Kazu's arms with regret, standing up and walked to the door before opening it. My eyes widened when I saw Sho in front of me.
"Sho?!"I gasped, my face paling.
"Hello, Satoshi."
I thought I was going to faint. What was he doing here?! I wasn't ready to confront him and take a decision. Despite Kazu's words, I was still full of doubts and didn't know what I could do.
Sho was thinner than ten months ago. His face was pale and shadows were visible under his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as I was covering my body with a robe.
"I'm here for you. I won't give up on you and won't let Nino have you."
"Sho, I..."
"Satoshi?" We both turned around to see Kazu entering the living room with messed-up hair and sleepy look, still wearing only a boxer. "Sho?" Nino blinked. I saw Sho paling, his fists clenching.
"It's not what you think, Sho." I said precipitaly when I understood he was misunderstanding the situation.
"I think it's pretty obvious, isn't it?"Sho said coldly.
"We didn't sleep together, he only stayed for the night."
"I see..."Sho seemed to believe my pleading look and relaxed. "But it doesn't change the fact I'm bringing you to our apartment."
"What?!"
"Who are you to tell him what he has to do?!" Nino snapped.
"I'm his boyfriend."Sho replied coldly, his eyes throwing flashes to Kazu.
"You're not anymore! Get out!"
"No, you, get out!"Sho growled dangerously, making a step toward Nino.
"STOP!!" I yelled, making them jump."Are you two some kind of children?! I'm old enough to take my own decisions and to do what I want! I'm not a toy for God's sake!!"
"Satoshi..."
"Get out! Both of you! I'll agree to see you again when you'll both have grown up and will be able to stay in the same room without yelling at each other or fighting!" I snapped.
"Toshi, I'm sorry, I..."
"I know I've been unfair with the two of you and I won't run away again but leave my house now!" I cut Kazu off and left the living room to join my bedroom, slamming the door under their shocked eyes.
Two hours later, I heard a soft knocked on my door. Sho entered my bedroom without waiting for my permission and sat next to me on my bed.
"I'm sorry for earlier."Sho finally said after some seconds.
"It's okay." I mumbled.
"Satoshi, I'll be honest with you. I was very angry at you when you left because it was unfair for me. I've given you everything, trying to make you happy and loving you with all my heart and then... You left. After four years being in coma, you told me you slept with Nino and left without a word..."
"I'm deeply sorry, I thought you two would be better without me."
"It was wrong. Leaving without talking with us properly was worst. To be honest, these ten months have been a hell for me. I miss you so much. I don't know what wrong I did but I'm ready to change if it means your come back."
"You haven't done anything wrong, Sho. In fact, everything is my fault. I started to date you to fill the emptiness in my heart that Kazu was causing to me. But I fell in love with you. I've never lied to you when I was telling you that I love you. You've always been amazing with me. I feel protected, loved and happy with you."
"Then, why don't you come back?"
"Because I'm lost and afraid. You're an incredible person and boyfriend, Sho but..."
"There is Nino."Sho completed.
"Yes. I love you. Truly. But everytime I'm with you, there is Kazu between us."
"So, it's a rejection."Sho chuckled nervously.
"No. It's an observation. I don't know if I can give you the happiness you deserve, Sho. The last thing I want is hurting you."
"Why don't you choose Nino, if he is always between us?"
"I don't know. I don't think I can make any of you happy."
"Don't say that, Satoshi. You can. If you were coming back to me and I let Nino be a part of our lives, would it be enough for you? Would you stay with me if I let you see him as much as you want?"
"I..." I looked at him with hope in my eyes but Sho cut me off.
"Don't give me an answer now. Think about it and tell me when you are sure. Whatever your choice is, I don't regret anything because what we lived and shared together was beautiful and made me incredibly happy."
"Me too. Being with you was amazing. I'll think about what you said for Kazu and will tell you." I smiled softly.
"Okay. I'll be at Sakura's hotel." Sho stroked my cheek and kissed me. It wasn't like with Kazu. It was different but very good too. How could I choose when I was in love with two fabulous men?
****
I sat on the sand, looking at the children playing in the water. A soft smile spread my lips. They were still so innocent, so naives about the cruelty of the world. They didn't know how unfair life could be and were laughing and playing as if nothing bad could happen to them.
"You called me?"
"Hum. I've thought a lot about your words, your kisses and about us." I said without looking at him.
"And?"
"I can't. I'm sorry."
"I knew you wouldn't accept."
"I'm sorry. I don't know how to explain..."
"No need to. I understand and I knew you wouldn't choose me. Besides, I think it's better this way."
"Eh?" I turned my face to look at him for the first time. Tears were shining in his eyes despite his smile.
"I've met someone after you left."
"Why didn't you tell me? What you said, all your beautiful words were false?" I frowned.
"No. If you had chosen me, I wouldn't have kept seeing him. But now, I understand that despite what we went through together, we aren't meant to be together or at least, you or fate think that. I think I needed to hear your rejection to accept this painful reality. To accept I was wrong and we aren't meant to be together."
"I hope you'll be happier with him."
"I'll always love you, Toshi. What we shared was special and beautiful even if we both suffered at the end."
"Thank you. Maybe one day we will be able to see each other without feeling any pain."
"I hope so too. I don't want to lose you or erase you from my life, you're a precious person for me."
"For me too. But Kazu, I..."
"I... It's very hard for me to give up on you and let you go. I want to fight more but I know it would be wrong. I have to respect your choice and let you go." He was now crying and I wrapped him in my arms before kissing him for the last time.
"Goodbye." I whispered between our lips.
"It's not a goodbye as you'll stay in my life."
"You're right." I smiled.
"Stop thinking you can't make someone happy, Toshi. You're a wonderful person and being with you always made me feel special and lucky even if I hurt you a lot with my nasty attitudes."
"Thank you." He kissed my lips a last time before leaving.
I cried more than ever but felt better. I had to turn a page of my life. Standing up, I decided to give my last answer to the second person of my life. It was hard and I wasn't sure if it was the good choice but when I thought about it, I knew I had to do it.
I joined the bar where I was working and blinked, seeing him crying. He really was playing the piano? I was shocked. How could he... And was singing. Since when was he singing and playing the piano? And so beautifully. When he saw me, a painful smile spread his lips as tears were rolling down his cheeks like a waterfall.
We could have told all that to each other
Elsewhere than at the cafe down there
That you would maybe leave
And maybe you wouldn't even come back
But anyway, what's sure
Is that we could have laughed about it
So we're going to break up like that ,
Like two fools in front of the cafe down there
Like in a B series
We're both bad
We've been making fun so many times
Of the people who did that
But I can't find a refrain for our story
All the words that occur to me are pathetic
I pretty much know I've said it too much
But I'm still telling you...
I love you
I still want to thank you
For all the mean words we've never told each other
Some people are laughing already
I don't care, I've never liked them
We looked too happy together
Some people can't stand that
But I can't finda refrain for our story
All the words that occur to me are pathetic
I pretty much know I've said it too much
But I'm still telling you...
I love you
I pretty much know I've said it too much
But I'm still telling you...I love you...
I love you
I put my hand on my mouth, crying silently. I didn't know how to react. It was... My heart was crying too. He never told me so beautiful things before. He never showed his feelings as much as tonight. In front of a whole bar.
"It will be my last words for you."
"Why?" I sobbed.
"Because you chose him. I knew you would choose him, he is what you need in your life to be happy. We didn't share many moments together but I've loved everyone. I love you, Satoshi but as I've said it in this bad song, I know I've telling it to you too much."
"No, you haven't. And you are wrong."
"Eh?"
"I have rejected him."
"Eh?! But I saw you kissing on the beach and... And he is what you need in your life to be happy."
"We were telling goodbye. I need you, to be truly happy in my life. Thank you for this song, it was beautiful. But I disagree, you've not telling me these words too much. So, you'll have to tell me you love me everyday now. And forever." I smiled softly in front of his shocked face. "So? Will you tell me the most important thing you wanted to tell me?" I asked after some minutes when he didn't react.
"I love you, Satoshi."
"I love you too, Kazunari."I grinned, letting him drive me in the most erotic and amazing kiss of my life under the happy shouts of the people in the bar.
Two years later...
"Dinner is ready!"
"Haiiii!!!"Aiba exclaimed. "Elena, come here now!!"
"Hop hop, why are your driving your daddy crazy, young girl?" Jun exclaimed, catching a half naked one year old girl who was making Aiba run in the whole garden.
"Papa!!" The little girl giggled.
"Be a good girl, my princess and let daddy dress you." Jun chuckled, kissing his daughter’s neck.
"Thank you, Jun, she is making me run for 20 minutes."Aiba sighed in relief.
"You're getting old, honey. I've heard the doorbell, it must be Ohchan and Kazu."
"I'll go."Aiba kissed his lover's lips and walked to the door to open it, showing two perverts kissing each other hungrily.
"You could stop to eat each other's mouths for a day, no?" Aiba sighed.
"Uncle Nohno, uncle Zuzu!!"
"Elena!" Nino welcomed the girl in his arms.
"You've growing up since yesterday."I smiled, kissing the girl's forehead.
"Come on, sweetie, uncle Kazu will show you how to play at Mario kart." Nino exclaimed.
"Nino!"Aiba scowled.
"What? She needs a master that will teach her what true life is." Nino smirked.
"Stop turning my niece in a geek, brat!" A voice exclaimed behind them.
"Uncle Sho!" Elena exclaimed, holding her arms to the older.
"Sho, it's been a while!" I grinned, hugging him happily.
"Six months aren't that much."Sho teased me.
"And where is Okada?"
"I'm here!" A voice exclaimed and we gasped, seeing Sho's lover with a baby against him.
"What?! I... Wh..."
"We finally adopted. Let me introduce you our son, Satoru."
"He is so cute!!!"Aiba exclaimed. "How old is he?!"
"Three months."Sho said proudly before frowning when he saw my look. "Satoshi, are you okay?"
"I... Satoru..."Sho nodded and looked at me with a smile. I hugged him, understanding the small gift he was offering me. "Thank you." I whispered.
"In fact, I have something to ask you."
"Hun?"
"Will you be his godfather?"
"Me?" I blinked.
"You'll be perfect in this role." I smiled widely, taking the baby in my arms.
"Hello, Satoru, welcome in our big baka family." I rocked the baby in my arms, smiling softly.
"He likes you." Okada chuckled.
"Everybody likes Satoshi."Sho smiled.
"Come on, we have to introduce this little one to Jun."Aiba clapped his hands happily.
"Yes!"
I caught Sho's hand before he followed them.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"I told you two years ago that I didn't want to let you go of my life." Sho smiled.
"Yes. Are you happy with Okada?"
"Incredibly happy. Now, I realize we weren't meant to be together. I'm glad I met him, we are happy and now we have Satoru." Sho grinned.
"I'm happy you found him. He is a good guy, we like him a lot."
"We are a big family, life couldn't separate us and it's better this way."Sho smiled before kissing my cheek and joining the others in the garden where Jun was fanboying on the baby, saying he wanted a second child. This diva was born to be a papa.
I smiled happily in front of the scene. I was wondering if I would be at Okada's place if I had chosen Sho. Maybe or maybe not. As much as I loved him, I was meant to be with Kazu. The beginning was hard for us but we built a new relationship and I felt incredibly happy. It took one year to Sho and I to rebuild a new friendship but we managed to do it. Because we were all forming a family and were meant to be together, whatever life was imposing to us. Now, we were completely and truly happy.
"What are you thinking about?"Kazu asked, wrapping my waist from behind.
"About how lucky I am to have you and our friends."
"I would have never thought it would end like that but I'm happy. Our friendship was too precious to be erased."
"Hun. I love you, Kazu."
"I love you too and..."
"Yes?"
"I would like to have a little one running in our apartment every day."
"You?" I blinked.
"Oi, I like children!"
"But you said you didn't want a child because it would spoil our sex life." I chuckled.
"I'll find a way to gag your screams."Kazu smirked.
"Baka." I laughed.
"So, what do you think? About a little one? Elena and Satoru would be happy with a cousin."
"I think so. But you'll fill the papers." I exclaimed.
"Lazy chubby man!"Kazu bit my neck.
"And you'll have to work less."
"My next album will be in one year. I've already the title."
"And?"
"Indestructible bonds."
"I love it."
"It will show how precious bonds can't be cut despite the painful things of life."
"Our story."
"Yes. The story of the family I would have never had without you, Jun, Aiba and Sho."
"Because we are one soul in two bodies?"
"Yes. And because sometimes, there are persons you need in your life to be happy."Kazu smiled, kissing my cheek and looking at our friends who were laughing and teasing each other.
I did it. I chose. Even if I loved Sho, it was Kazu since the beginning, since Masa's party. We said we couldn't erase our past but we also couldn't lie to our heart. I was happy, now because we knew everything about each other's feelings.
And we had found the most important thing in a life. A family. Because even if we weren't sharing the same blood, we needed each other to be happy. We were five persons born in different middles with different pains and traumas but we mostly were sharing the same thing. An incredible and deep friendship that nothing could break.
If one day, you're lost. If one day you think something is missing in your life. If one day you are seeing your best friend in another way, don't hide him/her your feelings and tell him/her all these things you don't tell each other before it could be too late and maybe, everything will be all right. Because even if truth can hurt, lies and secrets are what can destroy your life like it did for us during all these years. But now, we could say we were the happiest persons in the world.
Owari<3
A/N : T.T This is already the end TT I can’t stop being sad because another story is over T.T I hope you’ve liked this fic (and end XD) as much as I’ve liked to write it ^^ At the beginning, Ohchan ended alone but I rewrote it as I thought he was just meant to be with his Kazu xD it would have been tough not to let them together after what they shared xD So, even if Ohchan played his baka, it was because he was confused and scared of being honest and happy. And I also wanted a happy end for Sho who didn’t deserve to end alone and sad xD And of course, I couldn’t separate our Arashi because their friendship is just amazing, precious and rare, so, they had to stay together until the end xD Sometimes, we hide secrets to the most important persons and I think it’s something pretty bad because secrets can destroy lives.
I want to thank all the readers who read this fic and a special kiss for the one who commented because it’s what gives me the confidence to continue and not to think too much that my stories are bad xD And a very big kiss for my dear Krystalkatz who allowed me kindly to use the story of her grandmother about the one soul in two bodies.
A big kiss too for Lilisan31 who help me a lot for my banners <3
When my Sakuraiba will be over (two chapters to go), I’ll start to post my new Ohmiya/Juntoshi/Sakuraiba, Prince of Japan, before posting my new fic Lie to me that I’m still writing xD And of course, for the readers who miss Sakuraiba series, I’m starting to write a new Sakuraiba ^^
Thank you again for reading and commenting all this fic and see you soon <3