Portents Of Things To Come
Someone suggested to me that I should finally write out my whole LTSR (Long Term Serial Rape) and put it all down on paper, err... electronically. Having just sat down and put my thoughts on the subject and compared it to serial rape and rape (both being, possibly planned by the attacker, but unknown to the victim) being different from LTSR because you know it's going to happen again and in some cases even when it's going to happen, yet it happens anyway. I get ahead of myself.
I plan on posting it here in segments. Short, easy to read (well, parts won't be easy to read) sections to chomp on. Not like my FanFic with is 4000-7400 words. These will be a few thousand at the most. Usually less than a thousand. I am coming to realized I have been repressing details of the events. Such as a second person being there the first time it happened and what started the whole ball rolling. I simply walked into a room. That's all it took. For 7 3/4 months worth of serial rape.
I will put a small forward before each post and then lj-cut so as to not display something you'd rather not read about or to trigger anything for someone who's not ready to start reading but you may send to read from my journal. I'm almost done with the first rape and on my way to seeing red running down the shower drain. So almost done with the first one.
I've had several panic attacks and once decided I couldn't do this before coming back to it. I think that this is something important for me to do, for myself and possibly someone else who won't feel so alone. I will be putting it up there for you to read because it is a part of my life, however dark and twisted, and does give insight into my psyche. I'd rather you know who I truly am and not like me than to know only half truths and have you like me.
These postings will be intermixed with other daily posts so it won't be all doom and gloom, hopefully. I will be emotionally vulnerable and unsecured. So if I post to your journal normally, I may stop doing it at all for a while or they may seem a little off and I may be a little touchy and defensive. Please take my most sincere apologies in advance if I become angry. Just a simple reminder when responding to a post I've made starting off with, "I know you're going through a lot, but *disagreement here*." This will give me grounding and hopefully keep me from posting in anger or hurt.
This is long overdue. It's been 16 years ago. More than half my lifetime ago. It's time to excise these demons, and I hope you will be there to support me during this time with a kind word here or there as encouragement to keep going. Already long forgotten things are turning up. Mundane things I did with friends in Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years. So far it's been an interesting journey. It's gonna turn ugly, really fast, I fear.
I plan on posting it here in segments. Short, easy to read (well, parts won't be easy to read) sections to chomp on. Not like my FanFic with is 4000-7400 words. These will be a few thousand at the most. Usually less than a thousand. I am coming to realized I have been repressing details of the events. Such as a second person being there the first time it happened and what started the whole ball rolling. I simply walked into a room. That's all it took. For 7 3/4 months worth of serial rape.
I will put a small forward before each post and then lj-cut so as to not display something you'd rather not read about or to trigger anything for someone who's not ready to start reading but you may send to read from my journal. I'm almost done with the first rape and on my way to seeing red running down the shower drain. So almost done with the first one.
I've had several panic attacks and once decided I couldn't do this before coming back to it. I think that this is something important for me to do, for myself and possibly someone else who won't feel so alone. I will be putting it up there for you to read because it is a part of my life, however dark and twisted, and does give insight into my psyche. I'd rather you know who I truly am and not like me than to know only half truths and have you like me.
These postings will be intermixed with other daily posts so it won't be all doom and gloom, hopefully. I will be emotionally vulnerable and unsecured. So if I post to your journal normally, I may stop doing it at all for a while or they may seem a little off and I may be a little touchy and defensive. Please take my most sincere apologies in advance if I become angry. Just a simple reminder when responding to a post I've made starting off with, "I know you're going through a lot, but *disagreement here*." This will give me grounding and hopefully keep me from posting in anger or hurt.
This is long overdue. It's been 16 years ago. More than half my lifetime ago. It's time to excise these demons, and I hope you will be there to support me during this time with a kind word here or there as encouragement to keep going. Already long forgotten things are turning up. Mundane things I did with friends in Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years. So far it's been an interesting journey. It's gonna turn ugly, really fast, I fear.