Love, the Service, and The ultimate sacrifice
Why does this have to hurt so much?
I should have known better when I hooked up with him.
I should have known better than to mess around with him.
I should have known better when he went away to the service.
I knew that he was going to change, but how much was the question.
He let me go. He said that he didnt want to put me through a 6 month blackout of not knowing where he was and the possibility of getting a letter hearing that he had died.
He let me go.
I had a feeling that it was going to happen but I wanted to stay positive and see where it would end.
I just hoped I wouldnt get hurt.
But I did.
I ended up with red eyes and a shattered heart.
I've been bawling my eyes out since about 4 this morning. I'havent hurt this bad since I broke up with someone back in
'98. This sucks so bad. I hope he knows what a kick ass woman he just left behind.
This almost makes me want to throw the towel in and just say screw it. I could stay celibate and alone and be happier because im with myself. It sucks to know how many people are getting married around you and you just wonder why the hell it hasnt happened to you yet. I can get over this pain. I know that I'm going to be stronger because of it. It just makes me really apprehensive to try to love someone again. I can love God until the cows come home. But to try to love someone who just let you go sucks.
I can honestly say that there really isnt anything in Jackson right now for me.
Working at the hospital, having people asking me everyday if Im going to do things like my mother.
My identity is not mine anymore. I dont really think its been mine for a long time. Its been for everyone else. But what am i going to do for me? Im always worried that my decisions arent good enough for the people around me.
This puts me in a position to do two things. one: I could stay here in Jackson and live a fruitless but somewhat lucrative life by getting a sonography degree, or two: Join up to the service and take on the world by being a News/Media consultant or a Public Affairs Analyst. I know I would be fantastic at it. And I know in my heart that I could handle the challenges within the service. The physical and mental aspects of all of it. I could do it. I just dont want to live life vicariously through others, wishing for the things that i should have done. Im used to going away and coming back...Maybe this time I wont come back but at least it is on my terms and not for someone else. Im just ready to fly.
I should have known better when I hooked up with him.
I should have known better than to mess around with him.
I should have known better when he went away to the service.
I knew that he was going to change, but how much was the question.
He let me go. He said that he didnt want to put me through a 6 month blackout of not knowing where he was and the possibility of getting a letter hearing that he had died.
He let me go.
I had a feeling that it was going to happen but I wanted to stay positive and see where it would end.
I just hoped I wouldnt get hurt.
But I did.
I ended up with red eyes and a shattered heart.
I've been bawling my eyes out since about 4 this morning. I'havent hurt this bad since I broke up with someone back in
'98. This sucks so bad. I hope he knows what a kick ass woman he just left behind.
This almost makes me want to throw the towel in and just say screw it. I could stay celibate and alone and be happier because im with myself. It sucks to know how many people are getting married around you and you just wonder why the hell it hasnt happened to you yet. I can get over this pain. I know that I'm going to be stronger because of it. It just makes me really apprehensive to try to love someone again. I can love God until the cows come home. But to try to love someone who just let you go sucks.
I can honestly say that there really isnt anything in Jackson right now for me.
Working at the hospital, having people asking me everyday if Im going to do things like my mother.
My identity is not mine anymore. I dont really think its been mine for a long time. Its been for everyone else. But what am i going to do for me? Im always worried that my decisions arent good enough for the people around me.
This puts me in a position to do two things. one: I could stay here in Jackson and live a fruitless but somewhat lucrative life by getting a sonography degree, or two: Join up to the service and take on the world by being a News/Media consultant or a Public Affairs Analyst. I know I would be fantastic at it. And I know in my heart that I could handle the challenges within the service. The physical and mental aspects of all of it. I could do it. I just dont want to live life vicariously through others, wishing for the things that i should have done. Im used to going away and coming back...Maybe this time I wont come back but at least it is on my terms and not for someone else. Im just ready to fly.