Mending broken hearts (5/10)
Title : Mending broken hearts
Author : marnidoo
Rating : pg-13
Pairing : Junhyung/ Hyunseung
Chapters : 5/10
Summary : Hyunseung and Junhyung took different paths in the past but fate seems to think otherwise.
Mending broken hearts (5/10)
Hyunseung has trouble sleeping that night. He replays Junhyung and Yoseob’ s hug again and again in his mind. He feels like a fool for believing what Yoseob told him earlier but how was he supposed to know that the cutie was lying? He feels like screaming, or like punching something. But his body doesn’t find the will to move and he stays still. That’s a stab. Hyunseung realizes that he still cares about Junhyung more than he thought. Actually, it’s like his feelings never changed. He knows he’s the one in wrong, because he’s the one who abandoned the other. He feels terrible about it but he also knows that somehow he and Junhyung are meant to be. It seems that he had been the turning point in Junhyung’ s life as much as the younger had been in his. Look at what they’ve become! That must mean something. ‘But there’s Yoseob’ his brain hissed. Hyunseung’ s aware of that and he’ll deal with it. If the only way is fighting, then fight it will be. There’s no way he’s giving up now that he found Junhyung. That’s when he realizes that even if Junhyung succeeded in avoiding him, he still knows where Yoseob lives. A little visit to the blond-haired boy seems his best option.
The next morning he wakes up early, happy that the day finally came, ending his sleepless night. He waits thinking about what he should say until the hour is decent to go and knock on someone’ s door. About an hour later, he’s standing before the too familiar door. Suddenly he thinks ‘what if Junhyung’ s there too?’ or ‘what if they’re actually living together’ and ‘what if he opens the door?’ but then he just shrugs. He wants to talk to him, even if he doesn’t really feel like doing it in the hallway of their former home, he will rather do it than nothing. He knocks.
Yoseob freezes when he sees him in the doorway. The thought that Hyunseung would come again after he saw him with Junhyung didn’t cross the blond’ s mind.
‘W-what are you doing here?’ Yoseob stutters.
‘I wanna talk to you’ Hyunseung simply answers looking right in the other’ s eyes. ‘Can I come in?’
Yoseob rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably but steps back, gesturing Hyunseung to come in. As they’re facing each other in the living room, Yoseob doesn’t dare to speak nor look up at Hyunseung.
‘Look, I just need to know’ he starts and waits for Yoseob to look at him before continuing ‘why did you lie to me the other day?’ The blond-haired boy gulps painfully and makes his way to the couch. He hops on it and looks at the other with kind of puppy eyes.
‘I-’
‘Is Junhyung still living there or what?’ Hyunseung almost yells but he can’t help it as he eyes fall on a couch he recognizes. He doesn’t wait for an answer though. He looks around him traveling through the whole apartment. No big changes. The furniture is the same, disposition identical as the one he knew once. Yoseob eyes him nervously and takes his chance to answer.
‘No.’ a pause ‘No, he doesn’t’
‘Don’t lie to me again!’ Hyunseung points a finger at Yoseob accusingly ‘almost everything here belongs to him’ he says.
‘Yes, but he doesn’t live here anymore’ Hyunseung takes a step closer ‘I swear’ Yoseob yells this time.
‘Then why-’
‘I’ll explain but stop yelling at me in my own apartment’ the other orders ‘you’re scaring me’ is what he mumbles to himself. Hyunseung takes a deep breath and joins the younger on the couch. He looks right at him, signaling that he’s waiting for his explanations.
‘I met Junhyung a bit more than a year ago and we became friends pretty fast’ Yoseob starts and Hyunseung nods. ‘He... Well I guess this won’t surprise you, he was pretty miserable’ and with that Hyunseung looks away. ‘It took some time before he talked about you but one day he just did’ he pauses. Technically, Yoseob doesn’t like Hyunseung being on Junhyung’ s side, but he can’t hurt him, he’s just not that kind of man. He decides to go easy on Hyunseung then. ‘Listen, the thing is, I needed a place closer to my work and Junhyung needed to take some space, out of here. So we just switched places. He now lives in my old apartment’
‘Oh’ is all Hyunseung can say.
‘I know it seems weird because he let all his stuff behind but he said he was more comfortable with that option’ Hyunseung just nods still looking at the floor. ‘Plus, I won’t deny that he spends a lot of time here so he doesn’t really miss any of it’
Hyunseung’ s face darkens. He can’t help but ask.
‘Do... Do you love him?’ his cheeks burn as he speaks.
‘Yes’ and Hyunseung’ s heart skips a beat. ‘But it’ll never be what you used to have together’ Yoseob adds and Hyunseung tilts his head, looking at him. ‘We’re more like best friends. Best friends that hug and may hold hands and sometimes sleep next to each other but still. Junhyung will never love me the way he loved you, and he probably will never love anyone the way he loved you’ with that sentence, Hyunseung feels tears forming in his eyes.
‘I wish I could change things, at least apologize’ Hyunseung bites on his lower lip and a lone tear rolls down his cheek. Yoseob’ s heart aches a bit seeing the other like this. He knows Junhyung is still in pain and now he realizes that the evil Hyunseung, the one he had always pictured in his mind, is actually as broken as his friend. No one can’t deny they’re still deeply in love with each other, the kind of love that finally hurts you more than it makes you happy, but things aren’t that easy. To really move on, you need a closure, good or bad doesn’t really matter, but you need to step out of the misery your significant other put you into. Yoseob knows that. He had his own broken love story and he knows how bad it feels. He doesn’t want to hurt Junhyung’ s feelings but at the same time he believes that he must do something to help him. For as long as he’s known the older male, all he’s ever done was watching him suffering, afraid of saying or doing anything and risking to hurt him even more. Maybe Hyunseung is the key. It never occurred to Yoseob before that maybe all Junhyung needs is Hyunseung to get his closure. And the man on his couch seems determined enough for making things work.
‘Look maybe’ Yoseob starts and Hyunseung looks at him ‘you should go talk to him’
Hyunseung’ s eyes widen.
‘You think it’s a good idea?’ he asks frowning. That’s what he planned to do anyway but he barely believes that Yoseob suggests it.
‘I don’t know. I truly hope it is’ Yoseob answers. ‘He keeps pretending he’s okay but I know he’s not and if there’s anything you can do, I want you to try’
Hyunseung truly considers the idea of hugging the blond-haired now and there. He now understands how Junhyung managed to move on. He has someone on his side.
‘He’s lucky to have you’ Hyunseung says and he looks thankful.
‘But I’m useless when all he wants is you’ Yoseob answers, his eyes leaving Hyunseung and staring at the wall. ‘You should go’ and he stands up. Hyunseung follows his move and heads to the door. Yoseob scribbles something down on a paper that he hands to Hyunseung.
‘The address’ Hyunseung reaches for the paper and as he looks down at it Yoseob warns him. ‘Don’t do anything stupid. I mean, don’t hurt him’
Hyunseung nods.
‘If you screw up, don’t come and knock on my door. I won’t help you. I’m not doing this for you’ For the first time Yoseob’ s tone is cold.
‘I know’ Hyunseung answers ‘Thanks anyway’ and with that he leaves.
Yoseob closes the door and returns on the couch. He lays down and covers his eyes with the back of his hand. He really wishes that was a good idea. He hopes Junhyung won’t be mad at him if anything goes wrong because he had to try. That’s what friends do, right?
Hyunseung is back on the street, his hand clenched tight around the paper. He’s surprised but he remembers the city pretty well and he knows exactly how to get to Junhyung’ s apartment, no Yoseob’ s apartment or whatever. As he reaches the right place, he stops and sits on the sidewalk. He is about to knock on Junhyung’ s door for the third time, and that may be the first time Junhyung would actually open it so yes, he takes a few minutes to think about it. This time he doesn’t wonder if Junhyung will be happy or not, or what he should say or not. Actually he tries and stop thinking. He takes a few minutes just breathing in and out before facing the younger male. When he feels ready, let’s say courageous enough, he heads to the door and knocks. He waits until he hears a key sound on the other side of the wooden panel and for the third time, his heart threatens to explode. The door opens and he’s facing Junhyung.
The younger is surprised but he barely shows it. He doesn’t think for too long before he comes to the idea that Yoseob probably gave him the address. They remain like that for a few moments before Junhyung slightly shakes his head and makes a move to close the door like no one was waiting outside. Hyunseung knows he has to move quickly and he shoves his hand between the wall and the door, hissing when the door hits his arm but thankfully Junhyung didn’t really slam it shut. With his other hand he pulls on the door until the other lets go of the knob and once again he’s facing a frowning Junhyung.
‘Jun, you need to listen to me’ he says calmly. The other just stares, his slips sealed. ‘I’m not asking you to say anything, at least listen’ he pauses and look in the other’ s eyes. ‘Please’
Junhyung steps away from the door and away from Hyunseung as if he doesn’t want to be too close to the older male, and Hyunseung closes the door and steps forward. Once again they’re facing in awkward silence. Junhyung’ s face is quite expressionless, he just wears that small frown. Hyunseung knows he should say something before the other loses his patience and kicks him out but now he’s actually facing him, words don’t find their way out easily. Junhyung stares at him, he obviously waits for him to say something and Hyunseung without giving it a second thought says ‘I’m sorry’. The other doesn’t move nor replies.
‘Jun, I’m so sorry’ he unconsciously runs his hand through his hair, thinking about something better to say. Since Junhyung doesn’t seem in the mood for talking he decides to drop everything and see if it makes a difference.
‘I know I hurt you and I came to apologize’ it was a hard thing to say but seeing Junhyung staring at him, immobile, like he doesn’t feel anything is even harder. ‘I don’t know what to tell you other than I regretted it every day since the first day, and I am sorry’ he takes a step towards the other ‘but please just say something’.
‘Go away and don’t come back isn’t an option, I guess’ Junhyung drops.
‘I hope not’ Hyunseung answers awkwardly.
‘What do you want me to say, Hyunseung?’ it feels odd to be called Hyunseung by this soft voice, the one who used to call him ‘Seungie baby’ every day.
‘I don’t know-’
‘You want me to say that it hurt? Yes, it did. A lot. And you know what? It’s still hurts. Like hell since I’ve seen you again’ and suddenly Junhyung seems like he really feels like talking.
‘Junnie, I’m sorry’ Hyunseung tries to get closer but Junhyung jumps back.
‘Don’t call me that. And stop saying you’re sorry’ Junhyung doesn’t realize but he’s yelling at the other man. He had wanted to do that since the day Hyunseung left and now that they’re facing again he can’t stop himself. ‘What did you expect, huh? You come here after more than two years and say I’m sorry. Two years, Hyunseung! TWO FUCKING YEARS!’
Hyunseung winces at the sudden outburst. He knew a yelling Junhyung was a possibility but he didn’t really prepare for it.
‘I was scared okay? I’m sorry that I wasn’t the perfect guy you wanted!’ and this time Hyunseung yelled.
‘Wait. Are you saying this is MY fault?’ the younger screamed back.
‘This is our fault, we both screwed this!’ and Junhyung’ s eyes widen.
‘When did I screw up? I loved you Hyunseung! I did!’
‘So what?’ Hyunseung doesn’t have time to think about it but this is probably the first time he shout that loud at someone ‘We were miserable’ he adds and this time Junhyung doesn’t answer back.
They are panting, both trying to calm down. They glare at each other. Junhyung is furious but what pisses him off the most is what Hyunseung just said. Miserable. Hyunseung sighs and turns his back on Junhyung, passing his hand over his face to cool it down a bit
‘We were and you know it’ he says softly as he slowly turns around and faces him again.
‘Obviously I didn’t, I’m not the one who left’ he drops, intentionally mean.
‘Alright, I’m wrong and you’re right because I left you’ Hyunseung says frenetically shaking his head in agreement. ‘And you can be mad at me, I know you are. But believe me when I say that wasn’t such a bad thing for both of us’
‘Oh great, so even after two years apart you still believe you gotta decide things for me?’ the younger asks sarcastically.
‘Seriously Junhyung for both of our sake will you stop that? I’ve made mistakes and yes, I agree that I made the biggest one, but you’ve made a few by yourself’
Junhyung tries to pretend he’s not listening but actually he’s craving for what Hyunseung has to say.
‘We were fools to believe that love was enough. We had love, more than both of us ever experienced before, but it wasn’t enough’ he notices Junhyung seems to tense even more. ‘We weren’t a great combination actually. I think we weren’t ready’
‘Well, I think I don’t wanna hear that’ Junhyung cuts.
‘Junhyung please, you can’t just avoid this’
‘I can’t even believe what you’re saying! I’m the one avoiding things? You’re kidding right?’
‘Listen-’
‘No, now you listen’ Junhyung says and looks quite menacing. ‘You left. Fine. But I’m not a kind of puppet or something. You can’t leave when you’re tired of me and then come back when you miss me. That doesn’t work that way’
‘You don’t believe what you’re saying. You know I loved you’ Hyunseung says back.
‘I don’t know anything. You left in the middle of the night without a word’
‘I told you I am sorry. I thought I was breaking you! I was insane even though you refused to admit it, I was! I gave up and I’m sorry but I’m fine now’ Hyunseung didn’t intend to plead, but there he is. ‘And don’t pretend, I know you’re feeling better too’
Junhyung stares at him with a kind of what-do-you-think-you-know look. ‘You came here to apologize so you won’t feel guilty anymore, alright. I hear you saying you’re sorry, you can go now, I won’t haunt you’ Junhyung spits.
‘Look what you’ve done after I left you, and I’ve become someone too’ Hyunseung adds as if he didn’t hear what the other just said. But Junhyung looks like he won’t talk anymore then Hyunseung decides he needs to step forward, not literally but to change the situation into a more favorable one. ‘You don’t wanna talk, fine. Just tell me this’ and Junhyung’ s look changes, he frowns like he fears what Hyunseung is about to say.
‘Tell me you don’t love me any more and I’ll stop bothering you. I swear I won’t ever come again’
Junhyung remains silent.
‘Say it and you’ll get rid of me’ Hyunseung presses.
‘You should go Hyunseung’ Junhyung says without even looking at him.
‘Say it’
‘I WON’T! NOW GO AWAY!’ Junhyung yells and all Hyunseung can do is smile. He doesn’t want to say it, because deep down he knows he doesn’t want Hyunseung to leave again even though he refuses to admit it.
‘Fine, but remember you didn’t say it. So don’t expect me to let go’ Hyunseung warns still smiling.
‘Go’ it was more like a whisper now.
Hyunseung doesn’t want to push the other too far and decides to leave. Junhyung closes and locks the door behind him and Hyunseung turns around to face it. He presses his palms against the door. ‘I’m sorry’ he pauses and then louder ‘I’ll say it everyday until you forgive me Jun, I’m not going anywhere this time’ and with that he leaves.
Later that day, when Hyunseung lays in his bed he’s still smiling. It’s not like he expected this but he’s proud of what he’s done. He now knows for sure the other still loves him, all he has to do is to convince him that they’re better together, and for that, he’ll do is very best.
Notes: Hey! It was longer than I thought to write that piece. I wasn’t really inspired... I believe this is one of the emptiest chapter >.< but things will get funnier so don’t worry ;)
I hope you like it, they finally had their talk