It's A Long Way Back [closed]
There was something dark holding her back, Marlow's body no longer able to properly fight off the heaviness it felt every morning when she woke. It was a soreness that seeped into her muscles, parts of her body hurting that she didn't even know existed. She couldn't quite explain it- the pain she felt- it was nearly beyond words, nothing she said aloud to herself making any sense at all.
Sometimes it was there, weighing her down, giving her this idea that curling up in her bed was the right way to fix it. Never mind the rest of the day, the rest of your classes. Just stay in bed. And she didn't argue, Marlow too tired to do much more than blink back the tears as she buried herself deeper under her covers, wondering when the mattress was just going to gobble her up whole.
She had missed class that morning. The voice was there again, urging her to stay in, lock the doors to her tower and linger alone in her bedroom. In the three years since Marlow began teaching at Hogwarts, she had never missed a day. Not a single day.
But this morning had been difficult and too much for her to bear, Marlow seeking refuge in the comfort of her bed, as lonely and terrifying it was to her most of the time.
McGonagall had said she understood, had canceled the morning class and told the fifth years to study for their upcoming O.W.L. exams. She sent her some tea, some scones from the kitchen- and then Marlow felt constricted, burdened by the space and needing to get out.
She used her classes the rest of the day as a distraction, powering through them with a force- anything to stop Marlow from thinking about how much she missed him. No- no, not him. Not Riley. Her. Marlow. A chunk of her had disappeared with him when he walked out of that door, nearly a decade of the woman she'd become gone in a flash.
And she didn't know how to get that back.
She could feel it, sometimes- the little spark that had gone away. She had felt it on New Year's Day- when Patrick had smiled at her for the first time. And then again, when she'd surprised him with the Quidditch tickets. But it was fleeting and Marlow wasn't at all sure what it meant- if she was just replacing one man with another and she knew Patrick deserved more than that. Not to mention the fact that she barely knew him, already bombarding him enough in the short time since they'd first met.
But she did like the way she felt when she was with him. And maybe that was something worth holding on to.
Sometimes it was there, weighing her down, giving her this idea that curling up in her bed was the right way to fix it. Never mind the rest of the day, the rest of your classes. Just stay in bed. And she didn't argue, Marlow too tired to do much more than blink back the tears as she buried herself deeper under her covers, wondering when the mattress was just going to gobble her up whole.
She had missed class that morning. The voice was there again, urging her to stay in, lock the doors to her tower and linger alone in her bedroom. In the three years since Marlow began teaching at Hogwarts, she had never missed a day. Not a single day.
But this morning had been difficult and too much for her to bear, Marlow seeking refuge in the comfort of her bed, as lonely and terrifying it was to her most of the time.
McGonagall had said she understood, had canceled the morning class and told the fifth years to study for their upcoming O.W.L. exams. She sent her some tea, some scones from the kitchen- and then Marlow felt constricted, burdened by the space and needing to get out.
She used her classes the rest of the day as a distraction, powering through them with a force- anything to stop Marlow from thinking about how much she missed him. No- no, not him. Not Riley. Her. Marlow. A chunk of her had disappeared with him when he walked out of that door, nearly a decade of the woman she'd become gone in a flash.
And she didn't know how to get that back.
She could feel it, sometimes- the little spark that had gone away. She had felt it on New Year's Day- when Patrick had smiled at her for the first time. And then again, when she'd surprised him with the Quidditch tickets. But it was fleeting and Marlow wasn't at all sure what it meant- if she was just replacing one man with another and she knew Patrick deserved more than that. Not to mention the fact that she barely knew him, already bombarding him enough in the short time since they'd first met.
But she did like the way she felt when she was with him. And maybe that was something worth holding on to.