The Poo, the poo, the poo is on fye-uh...
The plumber is here to set up the water pipes for the W/D (YAY!) and Bean is doing a headstand on a pelvic nerve which makes it painful to stand or walk, and therefore impossible to do any housework or renovation. So I’ve got the time and inclination to take care of a little back filling…
My Surprise Baby Shower
Disclaimer: No microwaves were harmed in the making of this baby shower.
I was completely oblivious.
In my worldview, God games. Like Rincewind of Discworld, I have occasionally heard the rattle of dice being thrown. Well, the Big GM In The Sky made a perception roll for me and let me tell you, I botched it big time. I mean, I knew *something* was being planned, albeit in a general way: Jeff asked me for a list of my girlfriends’ email addresses. Duh. But the clues were all there; I just didn’t see them. Or in a few cases, I did see them, just didn’t put them together. Like:
- Dave wants Jeff to go to Hooters with him to watch a football game. Jeff doesn’t care about football. However, he’s not likely to turn down an invitation to Hooters - wings, beer, scenery.
- Jeff, who insists that I walk as much as possible (it’s good for pregnant chicks) offers to drive me over to Sarah’s (we were gonna do some baking and run some errands while the guys were at Hooters. Riiiight.).
- There were fondue forks sitting out on the kitchen countertop and I didn't pull them out.
- We arrive and Dave & Sarah’s yard is filled with cars. 1. I just figured that Dave had invited more guys than Jeff to go to Hooters. 2. I fixated on Jenn’s car and never even looked at the others. Jenn was meeting up with me and Sarah, and I figured that she must have assumed that I went straight there. 3. Yes, I really was that oblivious.
Sarah comes to the door looking very nice, much nicer than baking and errands require. Hey, sometimes a girl likes dressing up.
Hell, I walked in the door, saw all these women I knew hanging out in the kitchen and it *still* took me a minute to figure out what was going on. It makes me laugh even now.
My only defense is that I wasn’t expecting a surprise party so I wasn’t looking for the signs of one. One the one hand, I’m mortified that I was so blind. On the other, I don’t get surprised like this often and I really enjoyed it. I must extend kudos to my friends and family. It was a marvelous secret and very, very well kept.
One of the few disappointments with this pregnancy is that I’ve sort of been isolated. I don’t have a lot of girlfriends - mostly by choice. Between my personality and choice of hobbies, most of my social circle are guys. I’m not working, so there’s no female connection there. And Jeff & I are a one car family right now and he needs the car for work, so I’m home most of the time. Being pregnant is the probably the girliest thing I’ve ever done and I haven’t really had the opportunity to share it with other women. I mentioned it to Sarah and like all good friends, she listened, remembered, and found suitably girly baby shower games.
First, you take a candy bar and put it in a disposable baby diaper. Then you put the diaper in the microwave and nuke it till the candy bar softens up. Then you squish the melted candy bar into the diaper. Repeat for various candy bars. Then display the different diapers at the baby shower and ask the guests to identify what the different candy bars are. Simple, disgusting, funny.
Sarah wasn’t happy with the squishibility of one of the candied diapers and had Jenn put the diaper back in the microwave to reheat it.
It caught on fire. The rest of us learned of this from Jenn’s frantic “Ooo! The poo is on fire!” God bless Jenn. Not thrilled at first at the heinous ribbing she was getting from us - the dread of knowing that she’d never hear the end of it was overwhelming, she quickly faced the inevitable, declared herself the Master of Flaming Poo Fu and accepted the title of Comptess Flambe du Merde.
There was the game of guessing how many square of toilet paper it would take to circle my massive pregger belly - I think Jenn and Rebecca came closest by one square or less. I was off by a square but that doesn’t count; I know how big I am cuz I measured it. Lol
And Sarah had us write down what we thought Bean would be in 18 years. My mother-in-law, who is very much into metaphysics, tapped into that cosmic energy and peered into the future. That is, she cheated. Seems that Jeff & I are going to have a handful but that doesn’t really come as a surprise either…
Wonderful food (fondue! Yum!), and gifts of clothes and gear. Lots of duckies on things, which is just fine by me. And lots of chatting, gossip, and telling of tales. Thanks to my girlfriends for thinking of me and sharing the afternoon with me.
Made my girly meter read Happy.
My Surprise Baby Shower
Disclaimer: No microwaves were harmed in the making of this baby shower.
I was completely oblivious.
In my worldview, God games. Like Rincewind of Discworld, I have occasionally heard the rattle of dice being thrown. Well, the Big GM In The Sky made a perception roll for me and let me tell you, I botched it big time. I mean, I knew *something* was being planned, albeit in a general way: Jeff asked me for a list of my girlfriends’ email addresses. Duh. But the clues were all there; I just didn’t see them. Or in a few cases, I did see them, just didn’t put them together. Like:
- Dave wants Jeff to go to Hooters with him to watch a football game. Jeff doesn’t care about football. However, he’s not likely to turn down an invitation to Hooters - wings, beer, scenery.
- Jeff, who insists that I walk as much as possible (it’s good for pregnant chicks) offers to drive me over to Sarah’s (we were gonna do some baking and run some errands while the guys were at Hooters. Riiiight.).
- There were fondue forks sitting out on the kitchen countertop and I didn't pull them out.
- We arrive and Dave & Sarah’s yard is filled with cars. 1. I just figured that Dave had invited more guys than Jeff to go to Hooters. 2. I fixated on Jenn’s car and never even looked at the others. Jenn was meeting up with me and Sarah, and I figured that she must have assumed that I went straight there. 3. Yes, I really was that oblivious.
Sarah comes to the door looking very nice, much nicer than baking and errands require. Hey, sometimes a girl likes dressing up.
Hell, I walked in the door, saw all these women I knew hanging out in the kitchen and it *still* took me a minute to figure out what was going on. It makes me laugh even now.
My only defense is that I wasn’t expecting a surprise party so I wasn’t looking for the signs of one. One the one hand, I’m mortified that I was so blind. On the other, I don’t get surprised like this often and I really enjoyed it. I must extend kudos to my friends and family. It was a marvelous secret and very, very well kept.
One of the few disappointments with this pregnancy is that I’ve sort of been isolated. I don’t have a lot of girlfriends - mostly by choice. Between my personality and choice of hobbies, most of my social circle are guys. I’m not working, so there’s no female connection there. And Jeff & I are a one car family right now and he needs the car for work, so I’m home most of the time. Being pregnant is the probably the girliest thing I’ve ever done and I haven’t really had the opportunity to share it with other women. I mentioned it to Sarah and like all good friends, she listened, remembered, and found suitably girly baby shower games.
First, you take a candy bar and put it in a disposable baby diaper. Then you put the diaper in the microwave and nuke it till the candy bar softens up. Then you squish the melted candy bar into the diaper. Repeat for various candy bars. Then display the different diapers at the baby shower and ask the guests to identify what the different candy bars are. Simple, disgusting, funny.
Sarah wasn’t happy with the squishibility of one of the candied diapers and had Jenn put the diaper back in the microwave to reheat it.
It caught on fire. The rest of us learned of this from Jenn’s frantic “Ooo! The poo is on fire!” God bless Jenn. Not thrilled at first at the heinous ribbing she was getting from us - the dread of knowing that she’d never hear the end of it was overwhelming, she quickly faced the inevitable, declared herself the Master of Flaming Poo Fu and accepted the title of Comptess Flambe du Merde.
There was the game of guessing how many square of toilet paper it would take to circle my massive pregger belly - I think Jenn and Rebecca came closest by one square or less. I was off by a square but that doesn’t count; I know how big I am cuz I measured it. Lol
And Sarah had us write down what we thought Bean would be in 18 years. My mother-in-law, who is very much into metaphysics, tapped into that cosmic energy and peered into the future. That is, she cheated. Seems that Jeff & I are going to have a handful but that doesn’t really come as a surprise either…
Wonderful food (fondue! Yum!), and gifts of clothes and gear. Lots of duckies on things, which is just fine by me. And lots of chatting, gossip, and telling of tales. Thanks to my girlfriends for thinking of me and sharing the afternoon with me.
Made my girly meter read Happy.