Sex-ed in the car...
I discovered tonight that a good way to get your kids to talk to you about sex is to discuss, in front of them, how various family members reacted when you got pregnant.
It just so happens that I had this conversation with a friend this weekend. Her mom responded with, "OMGWhatwereyouthinkingwhydidn'tyouuseprotection??!!" My mom responded with a nice, calm, "Oh, good. I was wondering how long I'd have to wait to be a grandma." I think the latter reaction was the better one, personally.
The older son was paying close attention, and on our endurance trial car trip back to the Big City, he began asking me questions.
I'm doing my absolute best to be as casual about this as I can. I don't want to have a repeat of the experience I had, which was, "Here's a book to read." Then, two weeks later, I was ambushed by a mother who obviously did not want to be having this conversation. She started asking if I had any questions, to which I deftly responded, "No, none," while wishing I could be anywhere else. She forced me to sit on the couch with her, in silence, for ten or fifteen very uncomfortable minutes.
I'm of the opinion that one should try to talk to kids about this topic as openly as possible. I don't want my kids growing up with the notion that they are supposed to be uncomfortable about this huge facet of their emotional and physical well-being...not to mention something that is pretty critical in a mature relationship. If you're too uncomfortable talking openly to your spouse about sex, then you have problems.
We've come a long way from the, "I'll never kiss a girl! NEVER!" attitude that he used to have. As we talked about things, we got to the topic of protection. My opinion is that if one has the slightest inkling that something might happen, they should be prepared.
"So you don't want to wait to the last minute so that you're running to the drug store, like you see on TV?"
In my head: "Where the hell did he see someone running to a drug store before having sex?!"
Out of my mouth: "No, because then you might skip it, and that would be bad."
"But Mom, what if she's freaked out because you have a condom. What if she's like, 'You knew this was going to happen?'"
In my head: "OMG, he's actually thought about this?! Well, of course he has...he's almost a teenager."
Out of my mouth: "If you're under the age of 18, you can always say that I make you carry one around." He laughed at that. "But seriously, if she's that bothered by it, don't do it. Are you sure you want to have sex with someone who is going to be annoyed when you're being responsible?"
Somehow, though, I'm not sure that was the best answer because there's always pressure to give in. If you have other suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Until then, I'm going to be completely freaked that my son has contemplated when the best time to buy a condom might be. (While being happy that there's some thought going into this and that I may actually have some input before it ever happens...)
It just so happens that I had this conversation with a friend this weekend. Her mom responded with, "OMGWhatwereyouthinkingwhydidn'tyouuseprotection??!!" My mom responded with a nice, calm, "Oh, good. I was wondering how long I'd have to wait to be a grandma." I think the latter reaction was the better one, personally.
The older son was paying close attention, and on our endurance trial car trip back to the Big City, he began asking me questions.
I'm doing my absolute best to be as casual about this as I can. I don't want to have a repeat of the experience I had, which was, "Here's a book to read." Then, two weeks later, I was ambushed by a mother who obviously did not want to be having this conversation. She started asking if I had any questions, to which I deftly responded, "No, none," while wishing I could be anywhere else. She forced me to sit on the couch with her, in silence, for ten or fifteen very uncomfortable minutes.
I'm of the opinion that one should try to talk to kids about this topic as openly as possible. I don't want my kids growing up with the notion that they are supposed to be uncomfortable about this huge facet of their emotional and physical well-being...not to mention something that is pretty critical in a mature relationship. If you're too uncomfortable talking openly to your spouse about sex, then you have problems.
We've come a long way from the, "I'll never kiss a girl! NEVER!" attitude that he used to have. As we talked about things, we got to the topic of protection. My opinion is that if one has the slightest inkling that something might happen, they should be prepared.
"So you don't want to wait to the last minute so that you're running to the drug store, like you see on TV?"
In my head: "Where the hell did he see someone running to a drug store before having sex?!"
Out of my mouth: "No, because then you might skip it, and that would be bad."
"But Mom, what if she's freaked out because you have a condom. What if she's like, 'You knew this was going to happen?'"
In my head: "OMG, he's actually thought about this?! Well, of course he has...he's almost a teenager."
Out of my mouth: "If you're under the age of 18, you can always say that I make you carry one around." He laughed at that. "But seriously, if she's that bothered by it, don't do it. Are you sure you want to have sex with someone who is going to be annoyed when you're being responsible?"
Somehow, though, I'm not sure that was the best answer because there's always pressure to give in. If you have other suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Until then, I'm going to be completely freaked that my son has contemplated when the best time to buy a condom might be. (While being happy that there's some thought going into this and that I may actually have some input before it ever happens...)