Big girls don't cry
I've been trying to get myself back on my feet. Trying to improve what I hate about my life. Today I got my car for $200 Brian came through :) it's decent for the price and it runs what more could I ask for? I'm going to try to apply for a loan 2morrow. A small personal loan of say $500 I don't know if they'll approve me I have no credit or probably bad credit due to my phone being shut off constantly. I just want to go for my license and get this thing registered and insured. I'm most probably moving out soon. I need money. Katie and I are getting an apartment. I hope I can get a loan. I need to get out of here. I need a new job. I'm unhappy and it's about time I grow up and stop relying on my mom. I'm 20 years old now. I can have fun and party but I need to buckle down and stop being so immature. I'm going nowhere in life and I realize this. I want to change this more than I've wanted alot of things. I can't wait to drive. I don't know why it's taken me this long. I think change is what I need. Drastic, long needed change. I have much to learn but I'm finally ready. I'm sick of being this dependant loser. I don't get why people are even friends with me. I am a loser but I am working to change that. I need to get off my ass and be a normal human being. I've been going out alot more. I don't want to be alone. I want to make new friends and hang out with more people. I want to have things to do and make plans constantly. I've gotten over needing to sleep and being lazy. I want to join a gym. I want to better myself. I want to take steps in the right direction and improve on all the things that make me feel like I'm worthless because I'm not. I'm intelligent and I mean well and I deserve to be happy and I deserve for things to go my way for once. I'm so excited to be moving and venturing out. I can do anything I set my mind to. I just need to stay focused and use my mind for good instead of bad. I need to lay off the drugs and booze. I need to find new ways to have fun. I need something besides this routine. i'm not 17 years old anymore it's time to grow the fuck up and be an adult. I'm all down now. Sick of writing but needed to vent a bit. Shower time. Back to work 2morrow. I'm going to ask to work 9 hour days from now on. I need the money even if I don't need the added stress and lack of sleep. I'll sleep when I'm dead.