Mirror Mirror
I don't control my own life. I'm too afraid to take the lead. I ruin things on purpose for fear that there may be progress and change. I'm afraid to live. Afraid to die. I'm unsatisfied and unfulfilled. I probably always will be. When I should be taking a leap, I just sit down and shut up. I don't make waves. Waves sweep you away. I'm not looking forward to drowning. I pass up good things to chase after bad things and once I have the bad in the grasp of my hand I let that go too. I don't want to be emotionally tied down. I've been there before, it destroyed me. I'd rather never try. I've failed too much. I can't take another let down. Past experiences have left me bitter. I don't care. I've become an emotional cripple. I'm driven by primal instincts and need. There is no longer want. I've been thinking lately that one day I'm going to write a book about my views on life. I'm going to be an insane philosopher. I'm not going to make any money but I'm going to influence young people and destroy fragile minds. I'm going to make normal happy people see the world as dark, dreary and meaningless. I'm not trying to sound gothic or smart or even cool. I think alot of people live life blind to what goes on around them. Oblivious to how pointless life truly is. Nothing matters in the end. People steal and kill for money. Money does not matter. You can't take it with you. It's doesn't make you better than anybody else. If anything money cripples us. We work so hard...for what? for pieces of paper. that's all money is. pieces of paper that get us meaningless material possessions. What matters most is the relationships we have. The people we know. The fun we had. The love we felt. Yet people hurt and betray people to gain fortune. You can't take any of it with you. Money can't buy happiness. It's like a drug. Once it's gone you want more. You have it and you're happy, you don't and you're miserable. I'm not buying into that bullshit. I am a failure because I'm not going to bust my ass to follow a false dream. What I want isn't what society wants me to want...confusing? I refuse to do what I'm supposed to do. I'm not happy following everyone else. I have big dreams. Dreams that are bigger than myself. I know I can't change the world but I hope someday someone can hear me out and agree with what I have to say. I have nothing more to say. If you don't understand what I'm saying then you too are blind and follow everyone else like a sheep. You don't have to agree with it but if you don't even grasp it then that's where the problem lies.