On Waiting
Yes, great void that is cyberspace, I am still alive. Recuperating, to be more specific. I am taking a much-needed hiatus from the tedium that is school at U of P....neverending, brain-numbing, whirlwind school. Maybe taking a break isn't quite honest. To share the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, I plan on transferring to UAB in January '08. Upon which transfer I will complete pre-nursing courses before applying to...*gulp*...the School of Nursing.
Like so many of my other decision-spawning epiphanies, this one came literally out of nowhere. Knocked me right upside the head, it did. I'd been chasing the doula/childbirth educator dream for so long at full-tilt that the mere idea of changing courses *now* seemed ridiculous at first. But once that little bit of doubt set in, I started questioning my choice. Would I be happy with something as transient and unstable as a career in hippie childbirthing? Could I really afford to depend on this work, full-time, long-term? If so, what in the hell was I doing finishing a ($40,000) degree program that I'd never really use?
After much deliberation, and much questioning of other seasoned doula-mamas (thanks A!), I decided to go with that niggling little urge I've had for over a year now. Nursing school....which opens up so many doors for me. L&D nurse. Childbirth educator. IBCLC. All made that much easier by that nice set of credentials.
But what about the logistics? Nursing school cannot, obviously, be completed online. There are labs to be done, real live people to be poked and prodded. So I started researching, and stressing, and stressing and researching. My mind still boggles at it all. When I started asking questions, I didn't like the answers. Nursing school means no more full-time job. Which means no more full-time income. Nursing school means actually getting up and *going* to class, a challenge in itself. It probably means waiting tables again. I shudder at the thought. Nursing school means backtracking my education, and not graduating for another...oh, let's say 2 1/2 years...when I would've been graduating next August from Phoenix. It means that I've wasted roughly $15,000, which is probably the most painful point of all. It means science courses, and getting over this mental block that I have re: said science courses.
Despite all of this, I've decided to go ahead with it. I've put in my application, talked to Phoenix about my transfer, and I've started researching the creative ways to save money. I've worried constantly, and lost sleep. The (hoped-for) end result? A BSN behind my name, considerably less debt, a considerably higher income, and some peace. Overall, I'm happy. But I'm tired of waiting. More on that tomorrow.
As a side note, I plan to update this journal regularly now. We'll see how that goes.