the world's only.
i am presently located in the world's only _______ ____. well, technically, i'm in _________ at a junior college waiting for the paul to get done with class.
i ran away. from him. because i couldn't take it. i wasn't strong enough.
i feel selfish, guilty. there are people in my hometown that needed me. that need me now. that wanted to see me, spend time with me. & i've spent the majority of my spring break here. & won't be leaving until friday. & not only did i leave them, but i've put the burden of providing for me for the rest of this week onto paul's family, who has been nothing but generous & welcoming & kind. that's not fair to them.
& i've been trying to get paul to eat, but it's really hard when one doesn't want to eat oneself. i met his girlfriend, though, who i like. which is good. i'm glad that he has someone, even if he isn't completely honest with her. or even mostly honest with her. eh.
things are falling apart with CP rapidly, & i should just date her. it would make her happy. it would be good for her medically because of her cerebral palsy & the medical problems she is having right now. it would quiet some of the bickering between her & grace - who just happens to be my favourite whatever it is that she is. the only problem i see with dating her is that E, Mah Sistah, & paul would not approve. Mah Sistah would be pissed, in fact. & it's not that i don't like her. it's that i care too much & not in the way that she wants me to. being in a more-than-friends relationship with her would tear me apart - which i'm okay with - but paul wouldn't be, & he would be the one who would see it.
women = complication. i should just be asexual. then i wouldn't have to think about it. i wouldn't have to deal with it. i wouldn't have to be afraid of touching & being touched. the fact that i don't understand social cues requiring any sort of physical contact with a person would be alright. because everyone would look at me & say, "oh her? it's okay; she's asexual."
ya know what's hard? picking out a little mood thing for every entry. emotions make no sense.
truly yours,
xX. the girl.
i ran away. from him. because i couldn't take it. i wasn't strong enough.
i feel selfish, guilty. there are people in my hometown that needed me. that need me now. that wanted to see me, spend time with me. & i've spent the majority of my spring break here. & won't be leaving until friday. & not only did i leave them, but i've put the burden of providing for me for the rest of this week onto paul's family, who has been nothing but generous & welcoming & kind. that's not fair to them.
& i've been trying to get paul to eat, but it's really hard when one doesn't want to eat oneself. i met his girlfriend, though, who i like. which is good. i'm glad that he has someone, even if he isn't completely honest with her. or even mostly honest with her. eh.
things are falling apart with CP rapidly, & i should just date her. it would make her happy. it would be good for her medically because of her cerebral palsy & the medical problems she is having right now. it would quiet some of the bickering between her & grace - who just happens to be my favourite whatever it is that she is. the only problem i see with dating her is that E, Mah Sistah, & paul would not approve. Mah Sistah would be pissed, in fact. & it's not that i don't like her. it's that i care too much & not in the way that she wants me to. being in a more-than-friends relationship with her would tear me apart - which i'm okay with - but paul wouldn't be, & he would be the one who would see it.
women = complication. i should just be asexual. then i wouldn't have to think about it. i wouldn't have to deal with it. i wouldn't have to be afraid of touching & being touched. the fact that i don't understand social cues requiring any sort of physical contact with a person would be alright. because everyone would look at me & say, "oh her? it's okay; she's asexual."
ya know what's hard? picking out a little mood thing for every entry. emotions make no sense.
truly yours,
xX. the girl.