(no subject)
so i have really mixed feelings right now.
i decided to give laser surgery another try, yes for a wart on my foot. last year, i got the novacaine shot straight up in my foot and it was one of the most painful things ever. so about two weeks ago, having an unlikely drink with my mom at chili's, i told her about my anxieties for the upcoming appointment. the thing that was so novel about this meeting with her was that 1) she was asking me questions about my life and 2) she was actually listening to the answers.
to my delight and surprise she calls me the next morning and offers to take a day off work, come up to rochester and go with me to the appointment. the most unselfish, motherly thing i have seen her do in a LONG time.
anyway the surgery was this morning, and she came to my apartment last night - with roses. because i had a tough week? we stayed up talking for a bit, looking at some pictures, just hangin out. so we go this morning, and she's totally there for me, holding my hand, i had an IV to get the anesthesia and had to wear a weird hat and funny slippers and get rolled on a bed into the room. i didn't know it was going to be like that and i got kind of nervous.
everything went great, including her. she was everything i wanted / hoped for / missed. but then something weird happened. she brought up my unacceptance of her old boyfriend last christmas and pretty much slammed me for the way i treated him and refusing to meet him. i felt so suckerpunched. i wanted to preserve the precious time we had and keep in my memory unspoiled by any arguments or old grudges, and there it was.
she wants me to meet this new guy, she's pretty serious about him i guess. and we didn't exactly fight or anything, but she left and then i felt all weird. like a new chance at reconciling with her slipped through my fingers or something. and our relationship has been uncomfortable for so long that it's new and awkward to get along and have her be there for me. part of me doesn't trust it really. i don't know, she left and i just feel unresolved.
and i guess i feel like it's my turn now to show her that i want to have a better relationship, and clearly the best thing would be to meet this guy and be nice to him.
i think that's probably worth it to start having a mom again.
i decided to give laser surgery another try, yes for a wart on my foot. last year, i got the novacaine shot straight up in my foot and it was one of the most painful things ever. so about two weeks ago, having an unlikely drink with my mom at chili's, i told her about my anxieties for the upcoming appointment. the thing that was so novel about this meeting with her was that 1) she was asking me questions about my life and 2) she was actually listening to the answers.
to my delight and surprise she calls me the next morning and offers to take a day off work, come up to rochester and go with me to the appointment. the most unselfish, motherly thing i have seen her do in a LONG time.
anyway the surgery was this morning, and she came to my apartment last night - with roses. because i had a tough week? we stayed up talking for a bit, looking at some pictures, just hangin out. so we go this morning, and she's totally there for me, holding my hand, i had an IV to get the anesthesia and had to wear a weird hat and funny slippers and get rolled on a bed into the room. i didn't know it was going to be like that and i got kind of nervous.
everything went great, including her. she was everything i wanted / hoped for / missed. but then something weird happened. she brought up my unacceptance of her old boyfriend last christmas and pretty much slammed me for the way i treated him and refusing to meet him. i felt so suckerpunched. i wanted to preserve the precious time we had and keep in my memory unspoiled by any arguments or old grudges, and there it was.
she wants me to meet this new guy, she's pretty serious about him i guess. and we didn't exactly fight or anything, but she left and then i felt all weird. like a new chance at reconciling with her slipped through my fingers or something. and our relationship has been uncomfortable for so long that it's new and awkward to get along and have her be there for me. part of me doesn't trust it really. i don't know, she left and i just feel unresolved.
and i guess i feel like it's my turn now to show her that i want to have a better relationship, and clearly the best thing would be to meet this guy and be nice to him.
i think that's probably worth it to start having a mom again.