Ten Ways Matt Lost His Virginty : The Dressing Room
Because I take such a long time to write these stories, I need to summarise. So far:
Will Matt finally get laid this time? No. But will it be amusing to see what happens as he attempts to finally get shagged properly? Hopefully so :D. That's what he gets for being so mean to Dom in this chapter.
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"Cheer up, mate. It's not as though it was a complete waste of time. I mean, 15 times in 2 hours?! Fuck, if I came that much in a month, I'd die."
"Yeah, whatever. It's so humiliating. He basically kicked me out of his house cos I'm shit in bed!"
He wouldn't know anything about this. Fuck you, Dom. Fuck you for being so happy and I so miserable.
"Yes, well. . .you're not the only one. At least you haven't had a girl fall asleep on you because you couldn't--"
"Ewww, girls."
"Ewww, boys."
Quit making me laugh, you arse. I'm supposed to miserable and pissy. . .!!!
"That's fucking sick. Hard-boiled eggs smell like shit. STOP EATING THEM WHOLE!!!"
I fell out of my seat when I saw the look on his face. I forgot how much he hates that sulphuric smell of eggs. I honestly couldn't care less, though. If the smell put people off, then good! I wasn't in the mood for them anyway.
"At least cook them properly. Look at this. The yolks are all grey!"
Oh shut up, fucking traitor. How DARE you cheat on my girl-self with some cheap, generic, mall slut??! You were supposed to lose your masturbatory virginity with ME, arsehole. Oh shit, that's probably what Andreas meant. Hehehehehe. . .
"What a fucking waste of food, Matt. Good job."
Waste? Hah! Don't worry, Dommie. I'm planning to rub the yolks all over the insides of your trousers so that next time you wanna wank off to anyone but me you'll have a nice surprise. Cheater.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it? Here, I'll go bury them outside. They'll probably be better for the plants than my cat's shit."
"YOU USED CAT SHIT--"
I took the bowl of eggs and ran off as quickly as possible to avoid Dom's hissy fit. That and the fact that the smell was making me puke. I tossed them behind my shoulder and I heard a shrill scream.
"AHHHH! It's you again! Doesn't your mother ever--"
"Shut up and turn the other way as though nothing happened unless you want me to flash you my dick."
The old bitch stood wide-eyed and turned around quickly.
"Little boy, are you still offering to flash, hmm?"
WHAT???!
It was that fat tranny again, except this time he was in a wheelchair, wearing an oxygen mask. I stood there, shaking, until I did what anyone in my place would have.
"RAPE. . .!!!!!!!"
And then I ran back inside.
"So did you flash him?"
"Are you fucking deaf? Or just arse pain?"
Then we sat there for five minutes in silence. He was probably thinking about the girl. . .WHAT IF HE GETS LAID BEFORE ME NOW THAT IT'S FUNCTIONAL??! He wouldn't have any trouble finding willing girls, I'm sure. . .He had to be stopped.
"So. . .you came today. How was it?"
A huge smile spread over his face. Then I realised that if I didn't shift the conversation a bit, I wouldn't be able to shut him up all night.
"No, never mind. You said you saw the girl who made it work. Liz, right?"
"Yeah. What about her?! Bitch, you best leave her, I asked her out first--"
"Calm down, I don't even like girls. They're too complicated. I just want a good, quick shag. Anyway. . .you asked her out, right?"
"Yeah."
"Where to?"
"I already told you to stay away--"
"Would you stop being such a bag of piss?! I'm only being a good friend and trying to find out about important things in your life. Then when I don't, you complain that I don't care about your feelings and won't come to sleep with me a--"
"OK! Fine. I'm sorry. Thanks for caring enough to ask."
Oh god. He's smiling at me. He's been pussified to a greater extent than once believed. I should castrate him already so he can lead his new life as a woman without troubles. I always say that, but somehow I never end up doing it. Maybe it's because he had a hot knob. . .
". . .That should be a good place, right?"
Fuck. Maybe if you didn't blab so much I wouldn't have time to tune you out so much. . .
"Maybe. . .but that's not very original."
Great job, Matt. Being the pussy that he is, he must have picked a cheesy spot for a date.
"But that's her favourite place."
And you fail to realise that I wasn't listening.
"Yeah, but don't you wanna surprise her? Why don't you take her to the beach?"
"The beach. . .that's actually a great idea!"
Sucker. Now all I have to do it get there before you so I can get rid of the bitch. Fucking cheesy arsehole. Only a cheesebag like you would think the beach is an original idea.
"Wait, she told me she hates sand. . .didn't I tell you that?"
You probably did, but I was too busy planning how to cheat you out of sex to listen.
"I think I'll stick to my original plan and take her to the mall."
Ahh Matt, you're a genius.
"Fine. If you're going to ask for my advice and then not take it, then don't blame me if it all goes to waste."
"I DIDN'T EVEN ASK YOU FOR ADVICE! It was you who brought up the date in the first place!!!"
"I try to help you and this is how you repay me?! INGRATE!!!! ALL I EVER DO IS WORRY ABOUT YOU AND YOU. . . .YOU!!!!!!!!! INGRATE!!!!"
"Yes, you're right, Matt. I'm sorry. Here, I'll make it up to you. What do you want?"
I want you to TELL THAT MALL WHORE TO PISS OFF!
"Err, I don't know. Let's go to Victoria's Secret so you can buy me knickers!! No wait!!! They have a sale on thongs this weekend! I saw this really cute neon green thong yesterday--"
"I can't do it tomorrow. I have a date, remember?"
Bitch. I'm giving you a chance to save yourself from my hot WRATH and you TURN IT DOWN?! You deserve what's coming your way. . .
"Oh yeah. . .hehehehe. I must have forgotten in all the excitement. What time is it at, by the way?"
"Err. . .at four, but I plan to be there before her."
"NO! I mean, girls like to get there early so they can fix their make-up and such and look really pretty for you."
"Really? You're right! She'd probably be very upset if I cheated her out of that time. . ."
I can't fucking BELIEVE he fell for that shit! HAHAHAHAHA! What an idiot. And what is this 'upset' crap? Pissy, bitchy or crabby would be more accurate. Now that you're a girl, why can't you read my mind? DON'T GO TO THAT DATE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
"Well, thanks for the advice. I should go home to sleep now, though, otherwise I won't wake up on time."
You know, if I were a really nice friend, I would keep you here and through the course of the night my anger and resentment would fade as I saw you sleeping. But instead I'm going to have you go home and allow my anger to grow until it's nice and ripe and sickeningly huge with the passion of a million steamy piles of shit rotting in under the sun for a thousand days, whose putrid smell cannot be contained even in the hottest, deepest HELL imaginable.
"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"
"Not if all goes well."
He flashed me a smile. Ambitious fuck. No-one gets laid on the first date. NO ONE. At least not if I can help it.
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This is tragic. I can't find my hot pink thong!! Without it he'll know the truth. Fuck. Ok, fine, I could probably get away with it if I don't tighten the dress, but I have such a nice figure it would be a shame not to show it off. Besides, if I'm going to seduce Dom, I need to leave as little to the imagination as possible.
"Hey, Matt! Guess what I found yesterday at--OH FUCK! Sorry. Wait, didn't you quit those ballet classes?"
Ballet classes. . .? OH YEAH! Those Chris, Chris. . .poor Chris, you're no idea. . .
"Ahh, yes, but then I took them up again."
"Really? That's. . .great, I suppose. Kind of funny too, I've never seen a guy required to wear a dress for class."
"Oh that. Ahh, that's just cos the teacher is a stupid hag and thinks I'm a girl. Works for me though."
"Yeah. . ."
"So what were you going to tell me?"
"Oh. . .nothing. I think I'll just be leaving now. See you around."
Little bitch. Why is everyone against me? First Andreas, then Dom, the old bitch next door and now you?! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! I don't need any of you (except the old bitch, I can always blame everything on her, especially bad smells.)
I do, however, need to hurry up and find that thong soon, it's already 3 and the bitch will be there. . .
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So I didn't actually find my thong. I hit a new low, however. I secured my dick by placing a piece of cloth over it and taped the end to my stomach and my left arse cheek. It feels really strange. That thong was the only comfortable piece of underwear I had. I threw out everything else, thinking it was either the thong or nothing at all. And thus, every other day I had my dick hanging around freely in my trousers. It feels really nice, especially when there's a breeze.
But now I have a fucking rag against the sweet, tender flesh between my legs. But there's no fucking way I'm going to tape my actual dick again. I'm just hoping the whore won't put up a good fight and make the rag fall off in the process. It's a good thing I brought my vibrator along. I keep a knife in there since the tranny comes around, in case he tries to rape me.
Man, I should probably just forget all of this. I mean, if he finds out, he's going to hate me for life. Then who's going to verbally abuse me? Damn, I need something to motivate me. . . .
Look no further, Matt. Meet Liz, the mall slut. Surprisingly, she DOES look like me.
"Hello there--"
"OH MY GOD!"
"Yeah yeah, it's not like you've never seen a man in drag before. Get over your useless, shit drama, bitch. Now let me cut the crap and get to the point. You need to leave and never see or speak to Dom again."
"Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?"
"Ahh, you poor, confused bitch. You see, when Dom asked you out, he thought you were me."
"But how could he confuse you for a girl when you talk like--"
"He thinks I'm mute. Look at me, you wouldn't know I'm a man if you just saw me."
"I can see the outline of you knob."
"WHAT??! Fucking rag. That's none of your business, however. The point is, you need to leave before he gets here."
"I'm not going anywhere. Don't you feel bad about lying to him like that?"
"Look bitch. Don't try to pull a fucking guilt trip on me now. I've already gone too far, there's no way in HELL I'm going back! If you won't leave now, I'll have to MAKE you leave!!!"
Before I even pulled the vibrator out of my bag, the whore screamed and ran away. There's little scarier than an angry transvestite with a vibrator. Easy enough. Now I just have to tape the rag back in place.
"Liz. . .!!"
Oh no.
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". . .and I'm the drummer, but lately we haven't been doing much. Matt has been having a few problems."
I couldn't even focus on what he was saying, cos I was trying to make sure the bag was covering my dick. And to make matters worse, I had to remember not to talk and write everything down for him to read in a little notebook.
". . .but he's a really good friend, so I can't bitch about him."
[How nice.]
I really hope all this rubbing doesn't make me pop a boner.
". . .the least I can for him is to listen and try to cheer him up."
[Awww, how sweet.]
Fuck, just after I though it too! I'm going to have to turn this up a bit. There's no way I'm going to survive though this if I don't relieve it. And this way I can make him suffer a bit too.
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". . .How about this one? Think it would look good?"
"Ahh. . .I don't know. . .I mean. . .yes. . ."
His voice was shaky and his hands were sweaty. Damn it, they're really soft. . .does he put on lotion too?
[Why don't you try this one while I put the skirt on?]
I pushed a random outfit at him and made sure to 'accidentally' pull up the dress while I entered one of the dressing rooms so that Dom would get a glimpse of my right bum cheek. I felt his look of his sickeningly hot lust over me. . .
One I heard the door of the room to the left of mine close, I knew it was time to begin. I replaced the knife inside the vibrator with a couple of batteries and very delicately inserted it. It went in with a bit of stuggle.
MY HOLE IS GETTING TIGHTER!
Fuck yeah. I'm so ready to get laid now. . .but first I must avenge myself. I took off all my clothes, making sure to toss them over the wall separating us. I'm such a fucking tease. I then immediately heard a soft moan coming from him. That's right, I KNOW you want me. Haha. . .if you only knew. . .
WHAT THE FUCK ARE HIS TROUSERS DOING IN HERE?!
No. . .he's fucking teasing me back. Dom. . .
YOUR FUCKING UNDERWEAR IS ON MY HEAD. . .!!
What the fuck is this??! Dressing room sex??!! Fine, if you wanna play that game, then bring it on, bitch!
I began to bang my bum softly against the wall and moaned softly. Good thing my moans are high-pitched and that the wall muffled them a bit.
After a few moments, I felt banging from the other side, and louder moans.
He must be fucking the wall.
Fucking the wall with his huge, hard knob. . .
No. . .he couldn't do this to me.
STOP! STOP DRY-WALL HUMPING ME. . .!
"Ohhh. . .I wish I would break this wall and fuck you right here and now."
Dom. . .shut up. . .I have to stop this. . .but he sounds so hot when he's fucking. . .
". . .I'm coming. . ."
NOOOO!!! STOP!!!!
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They're going to need to clean this wall. On both sides.
I can't fucking believe we did that. This shit completely backfired on me. He thinks he dry-humped a gorgeous blonde, and I know that I dry-humped my best friend. . .
It's a fucking nightmare. How the fuck am I supposed to look him in the face now?!
When I stepped out, I had a really hard time looking up at his face. He was smiling, but it wasn't one of those cheesy smiles. . .he just looked, well, happy. I felt my cheeks burn from embarrassment. What wouldn't I give to be completely oblivious to this situation. . .
"So. . .do you wanna go out again sometime soon?"
Fuck. I should have seen this coming. It was either this or giving him a fake address, since I'm supposed to be mute. If I gave him a fake address, I would never have my chance to get back at him and NEVER hear the end of his pathetic heartbreak. . .
[Sure]
"How about next Saturday at the same time?"
[Sounds great]
*Lots and lots of hugs for everyone who still reads this shit. Thanks for hanging on this long :D.*