slow ascent...
Ok I didn't post yesterday because I felt like absolute shit. As I had anticipated I had my monthly visitor and I swear if it weren't for Advil and Motrin I'd have to had killed myself by now. However, I am now quite a bit better although still not quite out of my rut.I'm better as far as physical condition but my bank account is hurting ... bad ... I mean worse than that horrible movie Paris Hilton did ...yeah that bad. I, at this moment, have $15.00 to my name after I had to pay the registration on my car. Sucky ...yes and if that wasn't bad enough I had to get my boyfriend to fill up my gas tank for me because it was on empty. He's so good to me and God knows I don't deserve it, for him to drive all the way out here (like an hour), fill up my gas tank, then make sure I had dinner he goes out and buys us somthing to eat -not that I couldn't stand not to-. I'm lucky I know it. Ugh other than that not much going on except for my friend Wanda from work who has cancer. It has taken a turn for the worse and the Dr.'s have ceased treatment stating that shes not strong enough to withstand it anymore, that is not a very encouraging prognosis. This is especially true given the fact that my boss who is a Dr. himself went to go see her and told us today that we should make it a point to go visit her soon because he anticipates that she doesn't have long left ... possibly 2 months. I don't think it really really hit me until today that she really is dying. This is a person who helped me largely in getting the current job I have now as well as helped to induct me into the office aiding in the ease of tension. We all get along so well where I work its a VERY fun environment .. I get up and don't mind going to my job because its just that enjoyable... after all a job is only as enjoyable as the people surrounding you and yourself let it be. Our boss is awesome he doesn't talk a whole lot but he takes great care of his patients as well as his staff... in fact he'll go out of his way to help someone. He's not the only one though the other ladies I work with are also that way, we're like a big family we all love to joke, kid, have fun, and though there are the occasional spats like a family they always are there in the end. Our little family also extends to another office across the hall which ironically, in reference to myself and those I work with, is a psychiatric practice ^^; They are also some very kind people. Ok I've gone a bit off topic but I was standing there at the front ready to work up a patient when we all started joking around and it was then that the nurse started explaining about the condition of our co-worker and my mind kind of wandered. Right there where I stood was where I used to stand when Wanda and I would head up to the front and goof off with the nurse and secretary up there and even then Wanda had the cancer and the symptoms would occasionally get to her as she'd fall back and bump into one of our many cases of files. She'd of course laugh and blame it on the fact that she was clumsy and couldn't do anything right to save her life... we all knew even at that time that she was fighting a losing battle.... Four long years a horrible disease was flourishing within her body while she sat unawares, as she had been misdiagnosed for all that time. Now its too late and as I stared at that spot it hit me that that person and that soul who ceased to give in or to give up was slowly fading into nothingness.... she is in a medicine-induced sleep awaiting her death. Somehow even though I know shes dying I just can't picture it, perhaps because no one near to me has ever passed away making my concept of death that of here-say. I don't know all I can do is pray and go visit as much as I can ... we're all planning to go this Friday after work to see her I can feel already that it will be difficult but I'm trying to brace myself and I'll have to try very hard to maintain my composure. Well I think its time to leave all of these depressing thoughts to rest and head off to bed.....
Oyasumi~nasai
Oyasumi~nasai