Nocheat Update: Saphron Woodstock
Background: Saphron Woodstock lives with her fiance, Blair Young, and one of her daughters, Patchoulianna. Since Blair has moved into the house, his racist ways have rubbed off on Saphron (or maybe Saphron just feels comfortable finally showing her true colors?). This doesn't bode well for Patchoulianna, who's in a romantic relationship with Dora Mae McCrackin. As Patchoulianna gets older, she's slowly becoming more outspoken against her mother and Blair's racism. And with the help of Dora Mae McCrackin and the other Soulja Girls, she may change their minds once and for all.
Patchoulianna is excited to tell her friend, Ambrose Laide, about her affiliation with the Soulja Girls.
". . .so since Dora Mae and I are kind of an item, Dora says she can help me get in with them. I'll have a hat and the whole thing." (Saphron's car pool pulls up and deposits her back at home)
"Oh my god, that's so great. But, daughter! Don't take this the wrong way but you really will need a makeover for the big event. I mean, that ratty little ponytail is just not going to cut it. And you'd look great with some new makeup. You need to come by my place and I can make you look fabulous."
*screaming from back by the swingset* "PATCHOULIANNA WOODSTOCK!!! TELL THAT GIRLY BOY GOODBYE AND GET OVER HERE NOW!"
"Shit. I'm sorry, Ambrose. My mom is, well, crazy and, well, just mean. She's so embarrassing, I'd love to kick her ass but. . ."
*more screaming* "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, GIRL. SAY GOODBYE TO THAT QUEEN AND GET OVER HERE NOW!"
*whispering in Patch's ear* "Don't worry about it, girl. My mom used to be crazy, too. I mean it, you come by my place and I'll get you all made over."
"Thanks, Ambrose."
Gawd, why does she have to be like this all the time. Now Ambrose probably hates me. . .I wish someone would just. . .
"HURRY YOUR ASS UP!"
"Listen, mom. You don't have embarrass me infront of my friend. He's not even gay, either. Just because he's wearing makeup. . ."
"I saw the way he was flitting around. He's a fag, he just doesn't know it yet. Just like your faggy father. . ."
Patchoulianna snaps. Blair cheers on Saphron as they tussle.
"I hope you've learned your lesson, little miss sass box. Now, go do your homework. Dinner will be ready soon."
Yeah, things have gone from bad to worse in Patch's little world.
The fight upsets Patchoulianna, who'd been trying to control her anger (something she obviously gets from her mother).
"I can't believe I acted just like her, Dora. It was disgusting. And she can really fight."
"Relax, Patch. Just steer clear of her and make sure the book is where HE can find it."
"Do you really think it will work, Dora? I mean. . ."
"Oh, trust me, it will work just fine on him. He's an idiot. I just hope he has as much influence over her as we think."
Patchoulianna has indeed planted the book Dora Mae gave her. She read through a bit of it and it was great. And it doesn't take long before Blair finds it.
He didn't remember ever seeing it before, but then again, he hasn't been in this house that long.
*reading to himself* "When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as you love yourself." What is this book? It's like some kind of scripture?
"This is what the Lord says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of his oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the alien, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place." Oh my god, it is scripture. The Lord is speaking to me.
"The community is to have the same rules for you and for the alien living among you; this is a lasting ordinance for the generations to come. You and the alien shall be the same before the Lord. We were aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. But the Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citeizens with God's people and members of God's household. Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow."
But that means. . .what about my new job in crime?
Blair begins reading from the book nightly, studying its contents and taking them to heart.
"Don't think I don't know about you and that girl."
"What girl?"
"Don't play stupid with me, missy. You know damn well what girl I'm talking about. The ALIEN girl with that gang hat."
"What? You think your dumb old mother doesn't know about gangs? I'm in politics, Patchoulianna, I know all about crime. And gangs are nothing but criminal clubs."
"And I know that little alien's mother worships some giant robot in the sky. That family is no good. A giant robot in the sky? Please."
"She's my friend, mom. We do homework together and stuff, that's all."
"She's coming by later so we can go to her place to study."
"You really do think I'm some kind of moron, don't you? I can see damn well what's going on here, girlie."
"I think it's about damn time you admitted it, too. You're a lesbian and that alien girl is your girlfriend."
"What?"
"You don't have to deny it, Patchoulianna. There's no reason for you to be more like your father than you already are. Anyway, I'm sure this is just a stage and you'll grow out of it. But there's no way I'm letting you go anywhere with THAT girl. And that's final."
Patchoulianna is about fed up with her mother and her controlling nature.
And she's excited to tell Dora Mae about her latest conversation with Saphron. She didn't say "e.t." once. Blair must have found the book. Could it be working?
Saphron catches Patchoulianna as she attempts to sneak back into the house. Instead of yelling or starting a physical brawl, Saphron approaches Patchoulianna in an even more frightening way.
"Patchoulianna, Blair just showed me this book he'd found on OUR book shelf and I'd never seen it before. It was like some kind of scripture. Do you know anything about it?"