Tootie Toot...
So it is now Friday and a lot has changed. Things are just really good now. My job rocks my socks (even though I almost set it on fire last night :/). My new meds are working awesomely. I'm getting closer with some of the girls up here and I'm not feeling so self concious. I'm going to see my Cherie next weekend and I'm PSYCHED beyond belief!!! I got to talk to someone I didn't think I would ever talk to again and resolved a lot of pent up issues. Someone I never thought would agree with me has turned out to be on my side the entire time. Eric and I are amazing as usual... except...
I really want a small dog or a cat... like really bad, it's hard to explain really... it's not just this thing that I want because I want it... it's something that's really really important to me. I'm totally willing to save the money, pay for it myself, train it and take care of it and everything... but he just doesn't want one. I guess it's kind of making me upset because I feel like he's not thinking about me and he's being really stubborn. Another thing is everytime we talk about it (except the time we were drunk) it's turned into an argument... last night he flipped out and we went to bed angry... something I thought we woud never do... something I never wanted to do. He's making me feel like I'm a little kid and he's my dad, like I have to ask for his permission and promise to do anything and swear up and down that I'll walk it and feed it and blah blah blah. I mean he's making me feel like maybe I'm being selfish... am I? Maybe I am. But it's important. It's not just something I want on a whim.
Another thing that really makes me mad is that if it were the other way around (well first off, I would never treat him the way he's treating me... but if i did) he weould flip out. There is no way he tolerate any of it... he would probably just go out and get it because I said "No". Everyone I've talked to about this thinks it's a good idea and I should get one and that makes it even harder.
I mean I guess if this is my only problem compared to what was going on before... then I don't really have much to worry about... but honestly, it feels like a void. I've had at least 3 animals (if not more) for my entire life, this is the first time in my life that I have no kind of animals around me and it's kind of a shock. I know this whole thing sounds so stupid and so juvinile but I don't know... I don't know what else to say except that it's really important to me... and that should count for something.
I really want a small dog or a cat... like really bad, it's hard to explain really... it's not just this thing that I want because I want it... it's something that's really really important to me. I'm totally willing to save the money, pay for it myself, train it and take care of it and everything... but he just doesn't want one. I guess it's kind of making me upset because I feel like he's not thinking about me and he's being really stubborn. Another thing is everytime we talk about it (except the time we were drunk) it's turned into an argument... last night he flipped out and we went to bed angry... something I thought we woud never do... something I never wanted to do. He's making me feel like I'm a little kid and he's my dad, like I have to ask for his permission and promise to do anything and swear up and down that I'll walk it and feed it and blah blah blah. I mean he's making me feel like maybe I'm being selfish... am I? Maybe I am. But it's important. It's not just something I want on a whim.
Another thing that really makes me mad is that if it were the other way around (well first off, I would never treat him the way he's treating me... but if i did) he weould flip out. There is no way he tolerate any of it... he would probably just go out and get it because I said "No". Everyone I've talked to about this thinks it's a good idea and I should get one and that makes it even harder.
I mean I guess if this is my only problem compared to what was going on before... then I don't really have much to worry about... but honestly, it feels like a void. I've had at least 3 animals (if not more) for my entire life, this is the first time in my life that I have no kind of animals around me and it's kind of a shock. I know this whole thing sounds so stupid and so juvinile but I don't know... I don't know what else to say except that it's really important to me... and that should count for something.