when the levee breaks
sometimes i wonder if its worth it...
the feelings that i have right now cannot be fixed by money or security...
and of the things that are bothering me, the thing that troubles me the most is something i cannot fix... no matter how many hours i work a week...
in words my problems are so simple, but my heart aches in a way that tells me things will not come as easily as i had hoped...
what if this is another wound that simply will not heal?
what if you create that kind of hurt in me?
something inside myself usually urges my heart in one direction or the other... and my intuition is usually pretty dead on... yet somehow, with this- with you, i feel completely torn.
i do not want to find myself disappointed by this struggle... in the end... and i do not want to reflect when all is said and done, and hate myself for not heeding the warnings... of my heart... or my mind... whichever one is trying so hard to make itself heard...
people say the most telling things without ever moving their lips- and words are more deceptive than actions, simply because they only have a face value.
i know this, and yet, i cannot sway myself in either direction.
all i know for now is that middle ground is not less painful than the bottom.
i'm in a holding place in my life... waiting for everything.
nothing is ready for me.
and it feels so familiar...
i used to write it so often... that i just wasn't good enough...
i wonder if i had of known then that several years later the feelings were still just as painful... if i would have wanted to continue on at all...
if i could have known a year and a half ago where i would be today... would i have made the same decisions?
because if i wouldn't have i need to change those decisions now... because what that question is really asking is, "is this worth it?"
and if it isn't... then i need to find a safe place inside myself and hide away for a while...
before, you were all that i had... and now, i don't have you...
i can't help but feel like i'm wondering lost in a land all too familiar...
and i wonder if i'll ever be enough... when all i am is me...
when your little you don't know that the thoughts of people you love may cut you deeper than your worst enemy...
the feelings that i have right now cannot be fixed by money or security...
and of the things that are bothering me, the thing that troubles me the most is something i cannot fix... no matter how many hours i work a week...
in words my problems are so simple, but my heart aches in a way that tells me things will not come as easily as i had hoped...
what if this is another wound that simply will not heal?
what if you create that kind of hurt in me?
something inside myself usually urges my heart in one direction or the other... and my intuition is usually pretty dead on... yet somehow, with this- with you, i feel completely torn.
i do not want to find myself disappointed by this struggle... in the end... and i do not want to reflect when all is said and done, and hate myself for not heeding the warnings... of my heart... or my mind... whichever one is trying so hard to make itself heard...
people say the most telling things without ever moving their lips- and words are more deceptive than actions, simply because they only have a face value.
i know this, and yet, i cannot sway myself in either direction.
all i know for now is that middle ground is not less painful than the bottom.
i'm in a holding place in my life... waiting for everything.
nothing is ready for me.
and it feels so familiar...
i used to write it so often... that i just wasn't good enough...
i wonder if i had of known then that several years later the feelings were still just as painful... if i would have wanted to continue on at all...
if i could have known a year and a half ago where i would be today... would i have made the same decisions?
because if i wouldn't have i need to change those decisions now... because what that question is really asking is, "is this worth it?"
and if it isn't... then i need to find a safe place inside myself and hide away for a while...
before, you were all that i had... and now, i don't have you...
i can't help but feel like i'm wondering lost in a land all too familiar...
and i wonder if i'll ever be enough... when all i am is me...
when your little you don't know that the thoughts of people you love may cut you deeper than your worst enemy...