Emo post, but don't freak out
Things have not been ok lately. I've been more depressed than ever before, contemplating suicide in a more than morbidly-idle way, and almost hurt myself tonight. Then I broke down and told Dallin. I THINK it's something to do with the IUD as it's a relatively recent development. I haven't been exceptionally giddy for a while and it's been a long, slow slide into this rut, but I think the hormones from the IUD are what's causing the unhappiness itself. Stupid as it sounds, I'm going to keep it in for a while longer. It's been 2 months and it can take longer than that for it all the hormones to regulate, especially after such an abrupt switch from the ring.
Dallin wants me to go to a doctor. I know I should but I won't. I'm going to get myself out of this. I did it in high school (although I admit I wasn't as unhappy then) and I can do it again. I WILL do it again. The only difference is that I'm telling people about it this time, and I have Dallin. But honestly, I did my best at school and work when I was miserable before; maybe I can harness that again. Take the depression and funnel it into something productive. Then it was in the effort to hide it, now it'll be in an effort to alleviate it. We'll see. I know I can do it. The only other option is death and, while that doesn't seem as terrifying as it probably should, just meh. It isn't worth it. So, yes. What choice do I really have?
I'm also kind of pissed...I apparently didn't HAVE to take the 2nd level of stats (the one I did so poorly in last quarter, although I apparently passed) so it's been a waste of 2 class periods (I'm retaking it this quarter so I don't have a 2.2 on my transcript). On the bright side, 6 classes left to finish HR and 13 total to finish both. SO CLOSE. 2 more years (given EWU's terrible scheduling of the non-business classes I'm guessing it will take at least 1.5 years) and I'll be done. Then an 18-month Master's program, hopefully while employed, then NORWAY. Where it will apparently cost out the ass to drink and get my nails done, so liek omg. What am I going to DO?
I need to stop being so solitary. I need to socialize and get out and enjoy myself. So, Spokane friends, help me out. Harass me. Call me, email me, text me, FB me, help me. This is more than a plea for excitement.
Alright. It's 3:30, I work at 11, I just did 20 minutes on the weird stair-master/elliptical thing at the gym (burned 200+ calories and got my heart up to almost 200 BPM), showered and ate a pear. It's bed time.
Dallin wants me to go to a doctor. I know I should but I won't. I'm going to get myself out of this. I did it in high school (although I admit I wasn't as unhappy then) and I can do it again. I WILL do it again. The only difference is that I'm telling people about it this time, and I have Dallin. But honestly, I did my best at school and work when I was miserable before; maybe I can harness that again. Take the depression and funnel it into something productive. Then it was in the effort to hide it, now it'll be in an effort to alleviate it. We'll see. I know I can do it. The only other option is death and, while that doesn't seem as terrifying as it probably should, just meh. It isn't worth it. So, yes. What choice do I really have?
I'm also kind of pissed...I apparently didn't HAVE to take the 2nd level of stats (the one I did so poorly in last quarter, although I apparently passed) so it's been a waste of 2 class periods (I'm retaking it this quarter so I don't have a 2.2 on my transcript). On the bright side, 6 classes left to finish HR and 13 total to finish both. SO CLOSE. 2 more years (given EWU's terrible scheduling of the non-business classes I'm guessing it will take at least 1.5 years) and I'll be done. Then an 18-month Master's program, hopefully while employed, then NORWAY. Where it will apparently cost out the ass to drink and get my nails done, so liek omg. What am I going to DO?
I need to stop being so solitary. I need to socialize and get out and enjoy myself. So, Spokane friends, help me out. Harass me. Call me, email me, text me, FB me, help me. This is more than a plea for excitement.
Alright. It's 3:30, I work at 11, I just did 20 minutes on the weird stair-master/elliptical thing at the gym (burned 200+ calories and got my heart up to almost 200 BPM), showered and ate a pear. It's bed time.