(no subject)
alright. fuck this. i think my mom is being the most selfish bitch. and i'm sure she thinks the same about me.
for the past couple months she has barely been taking me to go see my dad. and a believe a part of me really needs that.. to just get away, even for a day or two. When I go down there, it tends to become obvious to me that it's the first time that i've been taken care of in a really long time. and for the first time, i realize what my mom is. how she so frequently feels the need to test people for their loyalty and freaks the fuck out when you don't seem to care about her enough. she has no concept of anyone's feelings, and the destruction she is causing on anybody's lives. she doesn't want to own up to any responsibilities as an adult so she distracts herself and changes her life to make it work a little better for her. So she can have a little more fun. And just not give a fuck who she effects along the way. i hate that i have lived with her long enough to have kind of absorbed her careless tendencies and i want to scrub it all out. no wonder my dad is the way he is. i don't want this kind of life anymore.
for the past couple months she has barely been taking me to go see my dad. and a believe a part of me really needs that.. to just get away, even for a day or two. When I go down there, it tends to become obvious to me that it's the first time that i've been taken care of in a really long time. and for the first time, i realize what my mom is. how she so frequently feels the need to test people for their loyalty and freaks the fuck out when you don't seem to care about her enough. she has no concept of anyone's feelings, and the destruction she is causing on anybody's lives. she doesn't want to own up to any responsibilities as an adult so she distracts herself and changes her life to make it work a little better for her. So she can have a little more fun. And just not give a fuck who she effects along the way. i hate that i have lived with her long enough to have kind of absorbed her careless tendencies and i want to scrub it all out. no wonder my dad is the way he is. i don't want this kind of life anymore.