Your smile~ Part 13
Title: Your smile~ Part 13
Author: lurvelygurl
Pairing: Yabu/Hikaru, Akanishi Jin, JUMP, KAT-TUN
Genre: Friendship, Romance?
Rating: G, Angst
Summary: A letter for you
Warning: This may disturb your mood.
Finally Hikaru is set for surgery. His last words before the time come.
Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3 I Part 4 IPart 5 I Part 6 IPart 7 IPart 8 I Part 9 IPart 10 I Part 11 I Part 12
To my dearest Ko-chan,
How are you doing now? Forgive me, I’m such a coward. I can’t say these things directly to you, hence I’m writing this. When you read this I may no longer be in this world. But I know you’ll be fine, because you are my Ko-chan.
I’m scared Ko-chan. This whole thing is just too sudden. I can’t even accept the reality myself. And when you confessed, I got confused. Honestly my heart was filled with joy, but knowing that I will only be a burden to you I refused to acknowledge your feelings. I am a terrible person, I know. It was painful for me too.
I can’t sleep at night. I was afraid that I may not wake up again the next morning. The dark lonely hours I spent thinking of you, praying every second that I can meet you again before I go. And finally you come back. The night that you hold me was the first night that I can really rest myself, because I know I am safe in your arms, and even if I go that night I was at least being with the person I love the most.
I wanted to give up, but you give my courage back. The smile you always put on your face gave me the comfort, though I know you must have been bearing the deepest sorrow in your heart. You are right, it’s not so much about the ending- it’s the journey that makes the most memories.
Thank you for accompanying me throughout this miserable ride. I want you to know that the time I spent with you are my most precious treasure. I love you Yabu Kota, really I do.
Please tell the others that I love them too. JUMP has to keep going. I will always watch over all of you, so please do not break down. And yes, please congratulate Dai-chan on my behalf. His entrance result is coming out tomorrow right? I know he will make it. And I hope Takaki-chan will mature soon, so that he will help you more and teases Ryutaro less. May the future bring happiness and fortune for all of you.
This is the last stop for our journey Ko-chan. I’m not sure I can make it. But if I didn’t, I’m afraid you have to continue your journey on your own. Don’t worry, you won’t be alone, because JUMP will be with you.
Thank you for these ten years. Please forgive all my mistakes. Please forgive me for leaving you.
I love you Ko-chan. I’ll always remember your smile, so please don’t forget me too ok?
For the last time, I love you Yabu Kota.
p/s: please smile on my funeral, and make sure that won’t be the last time you smile.
Yaotome Hikaru.
Yabu folds the white papers on his hands which has already wet by his own tears. He brings them closer to his chest, embracing them tight. It has been thirteen hours since Hikaru was sent into the operating room. Apparently he is the only one waiting in the family room, as the others had head down to the cafeteria to get their dinner. The clock keeps ticking, but still there is no sign that the surgery will be over anytime soon.
Akanishi dropped by this afternoon on his way to the airport. He needs to be in States to finalize his LA concert. He apologized dearly for not being able to be with Yabu at this moment. The rest of KAT-TUN members were there too. They gave Yabu some encouraging words, and promised to come back once Akanishi’s flight take off.
It doesn’t really matter to Yabu. He knows he needs to go through this alone. He appreciates all the support he gets, but in the end this is his battle.
Yabu wants to see Hikaru again, hearing his voice again, singing with him again. But he also understands the circumstances- there’s a big chance he wouldn’t be able to get the fairy-tale’s ending. He told Hikaru that he has prepared for it, but Yabu himself wasn’t totally sure if he will really be fine.
A life without Hikaru is unimaginable.
“Daijyobu?” Yabu feels somebody touching his shoulder. Kame is standing in front of him, with a plastic of fast food.
“I’m fine,” Yabu wipes his tears. “So Jin left?”
Kame nods. He sits next to his kohei. “He’ll be back next week. Here, eat something.”
Yabu takes the plastic bag, uninterestedly looking at them before putting the food on the table in front of them.
“Yabu,” Kame looks straight into the younger boy’s eyes. “Just let it out.”
Kame’s words destroyed Yabu’s shield. His tears are pouring down his cheeks. He burries himself in Kame’s arms, weeping like a little kid- letting his emotions out.
Kame gently pats the crying boy’s head, trying to comfort him. But he knows nothing can soothe Yabu now, except Hikaru’s recovery- which is another impossible thing to happen.
“Yabu Kota,” a female voice is calling Yabu’s name. A nurse is standing at the family room entrance, looking at him.
“That’s me,” Yabu slowly stands up, followed by Kame.
“The surgery is over.”
“How’s Hikaru?”
The lady stares at the floor, avoiding Yabu’s eye contact. No answer coming out from her mouth.
“The surgeon has some bad news for you.”
~to be continued~