(no subject)
Okay, so I have the oddest story for today. The day itself didn't really get off to too good of a start, because Joshua spent all of English class trying to catch my attention (which meant that I spent all of English class trying to ignore him). When I was walking out of the classroom, he "bumped into me" and managed to turn his apology into a way to talk with me almost all the way from English class to Chem class.
Thankfully, it was only almost all the way. Joshua probably wouldn't have stopped talking, but on the way to class I saw this kid Zander, who's in Chem with me. I guess Zander must have realized how uncomfortable I was as I walked and struggled to make safe small talk, because he butted in on the conversation and asked (in an entertainingly pleading voice) if I'd understood the homework from the night before, because he hadn't gotten it and we had a test today and could I please help him out with the idea behind electron configuration?
Joshua looked annoyed, but said, "I'll let you go, then," and walked away.
I smiled at Zander. "What Chem test?" I asked.
He smiled back. "Exactly. And you know I don't need any help with my homework. I finished my homework yesterday in class--I was sitting right in front of you. I figured you needed an excuse."
"Yeah, thanks," I said.
"No problem," he replied. "Any time." That simple reassurance, the help from someone that I didn't know cared...that was good. It reminded me that there are still people out there who are nice and good and who will treat me kindly and with respect, even without knowing all that's happening to me. I don't have to tell people my secrets in order to receive support from them; I am a good enough person to garner it on my own.
So for today, at least, I am stable; today my mind is functioning. Today I will not break down; I will not falter in my course. Today, I will succeed. Today will be good, however little of it is left. Because of the unintentionally kind act of one person, today will not have been wasted upon stress or blind hysteria or tears. Today...today, I will have the strength to face up to both the good and the bad--the strength lent to me by one innocent bystander in the grand scheme of things, who might not know what's going on, but who can still donate his support with the simple gesture of a helping hand and a friendly smile.
Thankfully, it was only almost all the way. Joshua probably wouldn't have stopped talking, but on the way to class I saw this kid Zander, who's in Chem with me. I guess Zander must have realized how uncomfortable I was as I walked and struggled to make safe small talk, because he butted in on the conversation and asked (in an entertainingly pleading voice) if I'd understood the homework from the night before, because he hadn't gotten it and we had a test today and could I please help him out with the idea behind electron configuration?
Joshua looked annoyed, but said, "I'll let you go, then," and walked away.
I smiled at Zander. "What Chem test?" I asked.
He smiled back. "Exactly. And you know I don't need any help with my homework. I finished my homework yesterday in class--I was sitting right in front of you. I figured you needed an excuse."
"Yeah, thanks," I said.
"No problem," he replied. "Any time." That simple reassurance, the help from someone that I didn't know cared...that was good. It reminded me that there are still people out there who are nice and good and who will treat me kindly and with respect, even without knowing all that's happening to me. I don't have to tell people my secrets in order to receive support from them; I am a good enough person to garner it on my own.
So for today, at least, I am stable; today my mind is functioning. Today I will not break down; I will not falter in my course. Today, I will succeed. Today will be good, however little of it is left. Because of the unintentionally kind act of one person, today will not have been wasted upon stress or blind hysteria or tears. Today...today, I will have the strength to face up to both the good and the bad--the strength lent to me by one innocent bystander in the grand scheme of things, who might not know what's going on, but who can still donate his support with the simple gesture of a helping hand and a friendly smile.