The Love That Remains - Chapter 14/22
Jared helps Jensen get settled in the apartment. They put all of Jensen’s stuff in Jared’s bedroom, since it’s a silent agreement that they will be sharing a bedroom, there’s no way Jared would let Jensen sleep out of arm’s reach. Chad’s room can be used for guests.
Before Jared has time to think what they will be having for dinner, the doorbell rings. When Jared answers it, Chad is standing at the doorstep, a pizza box in one hand and his eyes pinched shut.
“Chad what is that? Open your damn eyes!” Jared says, chuckling.
“You guys aren’t naked, are you??” Chad asks with a frown.
Jared laughs and pulls his friend inside. “Come on in, you asshole!”
Chad opens his eyes and lets out a relieved breath. “Great. I was worried I’d be interrupting something. I thought I should be a good friend and provide the first dinner for the lovebirds in the house. Also, you still need to introduce me to Jensen, he needs to meet the more awesome roommate.”
“You wish. Thanks for dinner though.” Jared says while he takes the pizza from Chad and calls for Jensen, who is currently cleaning their bedroom, since according to him, it hasn’t seen a vacuum cleaner in a while.
When Jensen comes into the living room, he looks at Chad and sends Jared a questioning glance.
“Jen, this is Chad, my best friend and former roommate. He brought us pizza as a welcome present and wants to meet you.”
Jensen steps forward with a smile, and extends a hand that Chad promptly shakes. “Nice to meet you man! Thanks for, ya know… letting me move in here. It was very nice of you.”
Chad waves him off. “It’s alright, I’m with my girl so it’s not like I’m complaining.”
Jared comes back from the kitchen where he dropped the pizza box. “Chad was also at the camp with us. That’s where we met as well.”
Jensen looks at Chad with a frown. “Oh yeah… I remember now, the blonde kid who was always with Jared. It’s good to know you guys remained friends, I’m happy to see it. Are you joining us for dinner?”
Chad shakes his head. “Nah, I wouldn’t dream of getting in your way on your first night alone. Besides, Soph is waiting, I just dropped by on my way home from work, was curious to meet my boy’s man”. He looks intently at Jensen. “You should know I’m very protective.”
Jensen chuckles as he glances down, blushing. “I’ll do everything I can to make your friend happy.”
Chad nods, studying Jensen and apparently liking what he sees. “I’m sure you will. Okay, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone now. Enjoy the pizza, I put my best efforts into buying it!”
Jared closes the door behind Chad and gives Jensen an apologetic smile. “Sorry about Chad, he can be too much at times, but he’s a loyal friend.”
Jensen just shakes his head. “He is great and I like him already and it was very nice of him to bring us pizza. So, shall we eat? This smell is killing me!”
While they eat their pizza on the couch, they talk.
“So,” Jensen says, while chewing his pepperoni pizza. “Your family don’t know about you? They really don’t have a clue?”
“No. The only time I tried to tell my mom and brother, they freaked out. Said it was a sin, my mom told me it was a phase and I would get over it. And I should never tell my father anything. That’s why I wanted to get away, I couldn’t bear stay in a place where everyone hates a person like me. So I left, and ever since I came here, I only talk to them the necessary amount. This was the first Christmas I didn’t go back… not only did I not feel like seeing them, I wanted to spend more time with you. And I’m glad I don’t have to hide here anymore, I finally get to be who I am.”
Jensen smiles. “I’m so glad you decided to come here, so we could find each other. And I’m with you on that, no hiding.”
“What about your family, Jen? You don’t think about contacting them?”
“No.” Jensen simply states as he finishes his second slice of pizza. “They threw me out, I have nothing to do with them anymore. I miss my mom sometimes, I don’t think she hates me as much as my father does, but still… I’m good like this for now.”
When both of them are finished with dinner, Jensen takes their dishes and the pizza box to the kitchen. When he comes back, he turns off the light in the living room, leaving only the blue light from the TV, and sits pressed up against Jared on the couch.
Jared leans closer to Jensen, as the older man runs a finger lightly along his face and neck.
“Tell me Jay,” Jensen whispers against his ear. “Have you ever been with another man?”
Jared swallows hard, Jensen being this close to him can’t end good. “N-no… I’ve never… I only kissed girls and I hated it, but I c-couldn’t… only you.”
Jensen leans closer and places a small kiss behind Jared’s ear and trails down his neck and that sends shivers through Jared’s whole body. Jesus. Christ.
“So… you never went all the way with anyone?”
“No…” Jared blushes and tries to move away, but Jensen brings him even closer.
“I think this is so awesome, you know. Having you all to myself. Only mine, never anyone else’s.”
Jared nods, but can’t form any words as Jensen moves to kneel on the couch, straddling Jared’s legs and placing both hands on Jared’s face, kissing him fully on the lips. Jared puts both arms around Jensen and brings him closer, and as Jensen licks his lips, Jared opens up for him, their tongues passionately tangling. Jensen tastes like pizza, Coke and Jensen, and God it’s inebriating. Jared feels his cock hardening, and before he can get embarrassed, he feels Jensen’s erection rubbing against his own and he has never felt so turned on in his life.
Jensen breaks the kiss only to remove Jared’s shirt, and Jared does the same. He admires Jensen’s body, running both hands down his chest and belly, and God Jensen is so fucking beautiful. Jensen kisses his way down Jared’s chest and licks one nipple while massaging the other one with his thumb, making Jared see stars.
Jensen goes back to Jared’s mouth, and Jared grabs Jensen’s hips, bringing him down to grind their erections together through the fabric of their clothes. They gasp and moan into each other’s mouth. Jared is losing control as Jensen grabs his hair with both hands and tilts his head back, sucking on his neck and moving faster and faster. Jared can’t hold it back anymore as he comes hard inside his pants, chanting Jensen’s name, and the older man quickly follows him.
Jensen collapses against Jared’s body and both men stay like this, trying to regain their breath as they hold each other.
A long time passes before they finally move. Both men shuffle together to their room with their wet pants sticking to them, it feels gross, but they laugh and take turns in the bathroom for their nightly routine.. Jared knows he isn’t ready to go all the way yet, he wants to take it slow and he knows Jensen feels it too. This was just perfect, it was the first time he felt something like this, so powerful.
When they get into their bed, Jensen lies on his side and brings Jared close to him, his back against Jensen’s chest. Jensen places an arm around him, his hand close to Jared’s heart.
“Thank you.” Jared murmurs, knowing full well Jensen understand what he means.
Jensen places a light kiss on the back of Jared’s neck. “I love you.” He murmurs.
A silent tear escapes Jared’s eye after hearing that, and without finding the words, he places his own hand over Jensen’s, pressing them against his chest, so Jensen can feel how fast his heart is beating.
How it beats only for Jensen.
Things go smoothly over the next week. Jensen starts at the coffee shop two days after he leaves the clinic, and so far he’s loving it from what he tells Jared. Danneel is a good teacher and Jensen is slowly getting the hang of it. She still doesn’t know about them, but Jared plans on changing that soon.
Jared feels kinda bummed because there’s no Jensen at the clinic. He had gotten used to having him there and it just feels weird and empty without him. He tries his best not to show it, but he knows Chris feels it. The counselor asks more than once how Jensen is doing, and tells Jared he wants to have a word with him soon. After seeing Jared’s worried face, he tells him it’s no big deal and that he can talk to him later about certain things.
But coming home to Jensen is the new highlight of Jared’s day. They still haven’t gone past the heavy make out sessions, which is great for now. He’s happier than he has ever been, Jensen and him are slowly starting to build their life together and he couldn’t ask for more.
On Saturday, Chad calls Jared and tells him everyone is meeting up at Fitzsimons later, and Jensen and him are supposed to come. Jared is wary at first, but he figures it’s the perfect opportunity to come out to his friends and see their reaction. He asks Jensen if he’s okay with going to a bar, but his boyfriend brushes him off, saying that even though he’s not supposed to drink alcohol, his addiction was never that in the first place so he’s cool with it.
When they arrive at the bar, Jared is sweating, feeling nervous as hell with telling his friends the truth. Everyone is already there, Danneel, Milo, Chad and Soph (Sophia doesn’t know anything yet, Chad had told Jared it wasn’t his place to tell), and as they approach the table, Jensen apparently feels Jared’s distress as he quickly squeezes his hand in support, and Jared relaxes an inch.
When they finally stop at the table, everyone but Chad look at them questioningly, clueless to the fact Jared was bringing someone. He sees recognition in Sophia’s eyes, as she obviously knows who Jensen is, and looks at Jared waiting for an explanation. Danni of course knows who the man is as well, but as the rest of them she has no idea what he’s doing here.
“Hey guys…” Jared starts, clearing his throat. “As some of you know, this… is Jensen.”
Jensen gives everyone a shy smile, as Jared takes a deep breath and grabs Jensen’s hand.
“He’s… my boyfriend.” Everyone stares at them, and Jared hold his breath, waiting for the judgment. Hours seem to pass, as nobody says anything and Jensen holds Jared’s hand tighter.
Danneel is the first one to break the silence, as she jumps out of her chair. “Oh my God, I knew it! I had a sixth sense about you two, I’m so happy for you!”
She throws her arms around the two men and they hug her back. Like that, the mood lightens and everyone congratulates them, not once questioning Jared’s sexual preferences and welcoming Jensen with open arms, making room for them to sit side by side at their table and including Jensen in the conversation. It’s a great night and Jared couldn’t be more thankful for his friends. It’s the only family he needs, one that accepts him for what he is without any judgement.
A few days later, Chris asks Jared at work if it’s okay for Steve and him to come over so they can talk to Jensen. When Chris mentions Steve, Jared has a pretty good idea what the subject of the conversation is, and he could not be more on board with it. So he asks the guys for dinner, and calls Jensen to let him know they are coming over.
On his way home, Jared makes a stop at the grocery store to buy ingredients for pasta, and by the time he gets home, Jensen is already taking a shower. When Jared tells him about his cooking plans, Jensen asks if he can take over. He had already mentioned that he enjoyed cooking when he lived with his family and even with his aunt, and he misses it. Jensen had already made great sandwiches for both of them, so Jared knows he doesn’t suck entirely, therefore he allows Jensen to take care of dinner while he goes take a nice shower.
By the time the guys arrive, dinner is ready and smelling delicious, and Jensen has asked about 10 times already what Chris wants with him, but Jared won’t give anything away.
Dinner is a success, Jensen’s food is fantastic and now Jared is privy to one of his boyfriend’s hidden talents. He’s so making Jensen cook more often, from now on. Both Chris and Steve praise Jensen on his cooking, and he blushes deeply. They talk about food and other random stuff until it’s time for dessert - a couple Ben & Jerry’s tubs Jared bought - and then, finally Chris brings up the reason why they came.
“So Jensen,” Chris says while putting down his spoon. “I wanted to wait until you were no longer a patient to approach you with this. As you’re aware, Steve and I have a band, and we’ve been looking for a lead singer for a long time. I don’t mind doing the singing, but we want someone great, with a good presence and an amazing voice. After I saw you singing at the party, I thought you might be what we are looking for. And after you sang with us, I was totally convinced. So I want to ask you if you’d like to be a part of our band?”
Jensen stares at both men with his mouth agape. “W-what? You want me to sing with you? For real? But I’ve never… I’m not professional or anything, I…”
“Jensen, you are an amazing singer!” Steve is the one who interrupts him. “Chris and I agree on that, you fit with us perfectly when you sang at New Year’s Eve, and we’re positive you are what’s been missing in our band.”
“We just want you to come to a rehearsal with us, Jensen.” Chris adds. “Besides, we only play at bars and the occasional party, we’re not going on the road or anything, you don’t have to quit your day job, we both have ours as you know. What do you say?”
Jensen seems a bit taken aback and he looks at Jared, searching for his opinion and his boyfriend shrugs.
“I love your voice, Jen, and I enjoyed watching you with the guys. I agree that you are a perfect fit for their band and I’ll be your number one fan. I say, give it a try.”
Jensen stares at Jared for a while and finally nods, turning to face Chris and Steve. “Fine. I’ll give a try, I’ll go to a rehearsal.”
The three men cheer and Chris and Steve make arrangements for their first rehearsal with Jensen, scheduling it for the following week. Jared feels proud of Jensen and he’s 100% sure this is just what he needs.
Once the guys have left and Jared has cleaned the table, Jensen seems nervous about the band thing, so he approaches him from behind and puts his arms around him, kissing his neck.
“You’re gonna be awesome, you know.”
Jensen takes Jared’s hand and brings it to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “I just don’t want to let the guys down, you know.”
“You won’t.” Jared squeezes Jensen’s tighter before letting him go and heading to their room. “Wait here.”
Jared rummages inside his closet and finds his guitar. He brings it to the living room and offers it to Jensen. “Wanna practice a bit?”
Jensen looks from the guitar to Jared. “You play?”
Jared shrugs. “A little. Never had real lessons or anything. I found an old guitar in my brother’s closet after he left for college, and I wanted to learn. So I bought some magazines and watched a few video tutorials and I guess I’m okay. I really like playing though. I wanted to learn ever since I saw you playing at the camp.” Jared adds in a quiet voice.
Jensen studies Jared quietly,nods, and then leads him to the couch, where they sit down. “Why don’t you sing me something?”
Jared hesitates for a second. “I’m nowhere near as good as you.”
Jensen reaches up and tucks a strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear. “I bet you’re just perfect. And I’d love nothing more than to hear you sing to me.”
And how could Jared say no, when he has played for Jensen ever since the first song so many years ago? Every time he imagined this moment, and finally--it’s here. He hesitantly places the guitar on his lap. He chooses a song where the lyrics hold a lot of meaning to him. He has played for Jensen so many times in theory, but this is the first time he’s actually gonna play for him, for real.
He looks into Jensen’s beautiful eyes the entire time, he wants him to understand how much he means the words that come out of his mouth, even though he wasn’t the one who wrote them. He can see tears welling up in Jensen’s eyes, and when he feels something salty on his lips, he knows he’s crying too.
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments,I know heaven must exist
These are the moments, I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
When Jared finishes, they stay quiet for a while, until Jensen takes a closer look at the guitar.
“Can I take a look at it, Jay?” Jensen extends his hand, and Jared gives Jensen the instrument. Jensen stares at it in amazement.
“You know, my old guitar looked just like this one.” When Jensen turns it around though, he gasps, looking at Jared.
“Where did you get this guitar, Jared?”
Jared frowns. “I… I bought it at a thrift shop a few years back… Why?”
Jensen looks at him and slowly turns the guitar, showing Jared the back of the neck, and the initials carved there.
“This was my guitar, Jay.” Jensen simply says, his voice breaking.
Jared takes the guitar from Jensen’s hands and it takes a moment for him to comprehend what Jensen has just said. But when he pays attention to the initials, it dawns on him finally what Jensen is talking about, and he looks at him in disbelief.
“J.R.A. You… you are…”
“Jensen Ross Ackles. This guitar belonged to my grandpa, and he gave it to me. He carved my initials in it to make it special. I loved to play, I even played for money at first, but I needed money to… you know, and then I… sold it. It hurt so bad, Jay, but I was too out of it to care. I never thought I’d see my guitar again, and yet… of all people…”
Jensen doesn’t finish, and Jared fights back a big wave of emotion. “I wasn’t even gonna buy it, but it reminded me of yours… I always wondered who J.R.A. was and it was you and oh my God… oh my God.”
They stare at each other in awe, lost for words to express the meaning of this. And Jensen is the first to break the silence.
“So… I guess this settles it, we’re truly soulmates, huh?”
Jared chuckles, letting the tears run down his face. He considers the guitar for a while, and then gives it to Jensen.
“Here. It’s yours.”
Jensen raises both hands, backing down. “No Jay, you bought it, it’s your guitar now.”
But Jared shakes his head. “It’s my good luck present for your new beginning with the band. Plus, the guitar should stay with it’s rightful owner, who already belongs to me, so it’s all good.”
Jensen considers Jared for a while, as if checking to see if he really means what he says and finally ends up taking the guitar, bringing it to his lap and lightly runs his fingers through the strings. Jensen smiles gently down at the guitar in his hands and Jared’s heart warms up at the sight. He could not have made a better choice.
Both of them are getting ready for bed, when Jared enters the bedroom and finds Jensen in his usual spot on their bed, but he’s wearing only his boxers, and the sight makes Jared’s mouth salivate. Suddenly he wants more, and for the first time in his life he feels ready to take that step.
Jensen picks up on the look of lust on Jared’s face, so he smirks at him and makes a gesture with his finger, inviting Jared to join him. Jared slowly walks to the bed, his eyes never leaving Jensen’s body as he kneels on the bed and straddles Jensen’s thighs, leaning down to kiss him passionately. Jared runs both hands up and down Jensen’s torso, rubbing at his nipples and he feels his cock getting hard as a rock. Jared places kisses down his neck as Jensen puts both of his hands on Jared’s hips.
“J-jay…” Jensen starts, but Jared shushes him with his teeth at his collarbone, sucking at the sensitive skin that stretches there beautifully.
“Shh… I wanna make you feel good, Jen.” Jared whispers against Jensen’s skin, as he trails down, sucking at one nipple and then moving on to the other one, causing Jensen to whimper. Jared smiles as he continues further down, licking and kissing Jensen’s happy trail, until he arrives at the bulge inside his boxers. Jared stares at it for a moment, and up at Jensen’s face, who raises an eyebrow at him, as if he’s daring Jared.
Jared slowly grabs the hem of Jensen’s boxers and slides it down off of his hips, freeing his hard cock. Jared seems hypnotized by it, and he licks his lips, as if trying to decide what to do.
“God, Jay...” Jensen moans. “Stop making that face or I’ll come untouched.”
Jared blushes and looks up. “I want to… but I’ve never done this before, I don’t know how to…”
Jensen reaches up and caresses Jared’s hair. “Do anything you want to do Jay… whatever you feel like. But please, do it fast.”
Jared chuckles and slowly takes Jensen’s cock in his hand. He runs his thumb up and down and it feels so good, but it’s not enough. Jared braces himself with a hand on the mattress as he leans down and takes Jensen’s cock in his mouth. He has never done it before, and it feels a bit weird, but it’s a good weird. Jared holds the base of Jensen’s cock as he licks the tip, sucking at the mushroom head. Jensen is babbling incoherent words as he holds his breath and squeezes his eyes closed.
Jared tries licking down the shaft, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, he has only watched it in pornos, so he’s hoping he’s doing a decent job. From the look on Jensen’s face, he thinks he is. Jensen’s cock is leaking precome, and Jared tentatively wraps his lips around it. It tastes salty and damn good. Jared’s own dick is aching, he’s so hard he could cut diamonds, but he’ll worry about it later.
Jensen is panting, his breath getting heavier, and Jared swallows him deeper. When the tip of Jensen’s cock hits the back of his throat, he gags and comes back up a bit. Jensen places a gentle hand on Jared’s face.
“Easy, my boy… you’re doing so good…”
Jared starts bobbing his head up and down, it’s sloppy and Jared knows he has drool on his chin but he doesn’t care. And suddenly Jensen is pulling at Jared’s hair, trying to warn him, but Jared only sucks harder, making Jensen come hard. Hot streams of come hit the back of Jared’s throat, and he swallows it greedily. It’s not the best taste in the world, but it’s not bad either. Plus, it’s Jensen. Jared sucks his dick until it’s soft, and as he lets it go, Jensen grabs him and brings Jared up, placing a full kiss on his lips. Jared tries to get away, he has come in his mouth, but Jensen doesn’t seem to mind one bit, as he licks the insides of Jared’s mouth with no hesitation.
Without breaking the kiss, Jensen reaches down between them and puts his hand inside Jared’s boxers, pulling his cock free. With the first touch of Jensen’s fingers, Jared has to fight with all he has not to come right there. Jensen lazily strokes his cock up and down, while Jared pants into Jensen’s mouth. When Jensen licks Jared’s lower lip and bites it, giving his dick a final squeeze, Jared is done. He comes on Jensen’s hand and their bellies. Jensen strokes him until he’s soft, and Jared collapses against Jensen’s chest. Jared thinks back to all those nights he has touched himself thinking about Jensen, and having Jensen’s own hands on him… Jared buries his face against Jensen’s chest, trying to hide his deep emotions, but apparently Jensen feels it, and holds Jared closer.
He knows he should get up and grab a washcloth to clean them both, but he feels so sated and lazy, he doesn’t have the energy to do anything, and apparently neither does Jensen. They can clean up in the morning. For now, he just wants to be as close to Jensen as possible, even a short walk to the bathroom, would be too much.
Besides, Jared is in his most favorite place, in the whole wide world.
Chapter 15