The Love That Remains - Chapter 22/22

[lullysg]

Significant things happen over the next weeks. Officer Morgan calls Jared and informs him that Stephen will go to trial over the coming weeks, for kidnapping Jared and putting his life at risk, also because he was wanted for beating up another gay man a week after he took Jared. Jared asks if he’s gonna have to testify, dreading the Officer’s answer because he isn’t sure if he can do it, having to tell everything Stephen did to him again. Morgan tells him he can’t tell him for certain, but it’s likely. Stephen needs all the proof against him, and Jared’s testimony in front of the judge would pretty much settle his sentence. Jared panics a little, but he knows he can be strong if he needs to. If Jensen is with him, he can do anything. He only hopes Stephen is sent to prison for a long time, so he really doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. He really needs to turn this page of his life over, once and for all.

Jensen’s mother has called him a couple times. Those had been draining conversations, Jared saw how affected his boyfriend was when he hung up the phone. He can’t imagine how hard it is to reestablish contact with a mother who did nothing to prevent her son from being kicked out from his house, which led him to a life on the streets, and turning into an addict. It’s not easy for Jensen and Jared doesn’t blame him in the slightest. How can you forgive a mother who did that to her own son? But at the same time, it’s his mother, and she’s trying to make up for it, gaining her son’s love again. But it’s not something that can happen overnight, it’s a long process. But both sides are trying, and Jared is happy for that. Jensen deserves to have a relationship with his family, and even if they made wrong choices in the past, there’s always room for forgiveness.

Jensen had surprised Jared by asking if he’d go with him for lunch with his mom and sister. Jensen had said that his mother asked to see him again, and he had agreed on lunch, especially because she had respected him when she first visited, but his condition was they went to a restaurant, a neutral place so Jensen could leave at any minute if he felt too uncomfortable.

“If this is something you really want to do, and if you really want me there, then of course I’ll go with you Jen.” Jared answered his boyfriend as they were both sitting on the couch.

“I think it’s time.” Jensen took Jared’s hand. “And I wouldn’t be able to do it if you weren’t there with me.”

So they went for lunch. Jensen had chosen a restaurant close to their home, where Jared and him had dined at a couple of times. They arrived a few minutes earlier, so Jared could get settled comfortably at the table and Jensen asked a thousand times if he was okay. They hadn’t gone out much since Jared came home from the hospital, especially since Jared was still self conscious about the wheelchair and people staring.

The waiter had given them a table at the back of the restaurant, away from people passing by, and Jared was situated between the wall and the table, so he was more comfortable. He had told that to Jensen about a thousand times as well. Jensen could be over protective sometimes, with Jared’s current condition, but he didn’t mind. He actually loved it, it made him feel safe and loved.

Lunch had actually been pretty nice. Donna and Mackenzie arrived and it felt awkward when they went to greet the boys. Jensen wasn’t ready for hugs or kisses with his mother yet, so he only shook her hand. She also greeted Jared with a warm handshake, smiling at him fondly, and saying it was very nice to meet him. Jared had felt sincerity coming from her, like she was really trying to be a part of his son and his boyfriend’s life. So Jared smiled back and told Donna it was nice to meet her as well.

Mackenzie, on the other hand, hugged them both. Jensen had been communicating with her as well, who also told him she didn’t hate him, and never really knew why he went away until a few years ago, since it was a forbidden subject at home. Mack had told him she truly supported Jensen and whatever path he chose for his life. She was really excited about meeting Jared as well.

They talked for a while, Donna asking Jared how he was doing and was pleased to know he was making progresses on his recovery. Donna apologized profoundly for Stephen’s actions, telling both of them she had completely cut ties with Stephen’s parents, who didn’t seem too ashamed of his son’s actions, and were trying everything to free him from jail. Donna said that, like the boys, she also hoped he’d go to prison for a long time.

After that, the conversation drifted to safer topics, they talked about life in general, their jobs, Jensen and Jared told them about the clinic and how they met there. Jensen briefly told them how they had met at the summer camp and reunited after all those years, making Donna tear up and very sincerely thank Jared for helping her son start a new life. Jared felt the woman was starting to develop an honest respect towards him and it was a good feeling. They talked about Jared’s family, Josh’s life in England and some of their plans for the future.

When they said their goodbyes, Jensen let Donna give him a quick hug. She had hugged Jared as well.

“Thank you for taking care of my son.” She had whispered in his ear, making Jared’s eyes water a bit. They parted ways with an invitation from Donna for the boys to visit their home. Jensen seemed unsure with the prospect of returning to his old house after so long and what happened there, but he promised to think about it. He also told her they could visit their apartment soon, maybe have dinner there. He just needed a bit more time for that and she understood.

When both of them arrived home, Jensen had cried a bit, but Jared could tell he felt much lighter and even happier. This could really be a fresh start for this family and Jared was glad to see that not only bad things came from running into Stephen. It led both of them to reconnect with their families, and that was more than Jared could ask for.



Jared had slowly been progressing on his rehabilitation. He had finally taken his first shaky steps a couple weeks ago on the parallel bars. It was extremely hard and draining, he was only able to take a few small steps before collapsing on top of his therapist - thankfully he was a strong man. But Jared was very happy for the progress, and it was the first thing he had told Jensen when his boyfriend picked him up later. Jensen had kissed him passionately and taken Jared out for dinner.

From then on, Jared had focused on taking more and more steps, working on his strength and balance. A couple of days ago, he was finally promoted to forearm crutches and that was a huge relief, being able to stand up and (almost) walk around instead of sit down all the time. He was still very slow and he got tired easily - sticking to the wheelchair for long distances - but it was a good change, and Jensen was also out of his mind with happiness, hugging Jared tight for several minutes as he picked him up at the rehab and saw Jared walking towards him.

Earlier today, Jensen had taken Jared to the hospital for more exams, and the doctor told them that the swelling on Jared’s spine had gone down, but he still had an incomplete injury there, meaning that he would much likely be left with partial paralysis on his legs, probably always needing an aid to help him walk.

Jensen had been devastated to hear it, but Jared himself was fine. He had already made a lot of progresses, he was out of the wheelchair and he could get around just fine on his crutches. His therapist had told Jared that he should be able to move around with only one crutch sometime in the future, and Jared was focused on that, the only thing he wanted was one free arm, that would be so much help. He could live with depending on a crutch to walk, a lot of people have much worse. Plus, he’d be able to work, he had great friends and family, and the boyfriend of his dreams. He couldn’t see how he could complain about his life, it didn’t need to be perfect, he only wanted to be happy and he really was the way he was.

When they left the doctor’s office, Jensen had broken down, telling Jared he was sorry and again that it was his fault, and Jared actually had to comfort him, hugging Jensen tight and telling him he was fine. Jensen was quiet on the drive home, slowly walking beside Jared as they made their way into the apartment, and Jensen had excused himself, saying he was tired and was going to take a nap.

Jared had given Jensen time, but he is starting to worry now. He wants to show his boyfriend that he himself is fine with his disability, and he only hopes Jensen is as okay with it as he claimed to be in the past, knowing for sure now that it’s permanent. So he makes his way into their room, and finds Jensen lying down on his back, staring at the ceiling with red eyes. Jared plops down on the side of the bed, and Jensen sits up, not meeting Jared’s eyes.

“Sorry Jay, I just needed some time, I just feel so bad for you. I wish I could go back in time, so I could have protected you more and this wouldn’t have happened, now you have to live like this and…”

Jared can’t take this anymore, as he puts a hand on Jensen’s knee, giving a light squeeze.

“Jen, please listen to me. Really listen to me.” He waits until Jensen meets his eyes. “Look, I’m healthy, I can stand up and get around just fine, I have awesome people around me and above it all, I have you. After everything, I’m alive and I’m here with you, Jensen. I could never ask for more. And I won’t. I promise you I’m perfectly fine the way I am, I’m accepting it and I can live just fine like this, I’m starting to make my peace with my new body. I only need to know if you are fine with this. Now that you know for sure that this is how I’m gonna be like, I want to know if you can handle it, deal with my disability as a part of our lives, because this is how it’s gonna be from now on.”

Now Jared is the one with tears in his eyes, because he has no idea what he’d do if Jensen said he is not okay with it. But Jensen quickly moves on the bed so he’s sitting down next to Jared, and he takes his face between his hands.

“I’ve said it already babe, I don’t care. I meant it before and now. I don’t care what shape you’re in, all I want is you by my side. I’m sad for you, for having to see you going through this and knowing it’s here to stay. But I’m so proud of you, seeing that you’re positive about this, and I promise I’ll get there, for you. All that matters is that we’re together.”

Jared leans forward and kisses Jensen passionately. They don’t get out of the bedroom for a long time that evening.



A week later is Jared’s graduation. He had been wary about going, but Jensen wasn’t having any of it. Jared had struggled to finish the semester, studying at home and Jensen had taken him to the campus to take the final tests. Jared deserved to go to his graduation more than anyone.

In the afternoon, Jared drives Jared to campus for the ceremony. Jensen gives Jared a goodbye kiss and watches him slowly making his way inside. He still has to get used to seeing Jared like this, he’s not there yet, it still hurts but he believes it will get better. If Jared himself can live with it, so can Jensen. He hasn’t lied to Jared, the only thing Jensen needs is him, it doesn’t matter how.

Jensen makes his way towards the sitting area, and soon after everyone else arrives. All of their friends have come, Chad with Sophia, Danni, Milo, Chris and Steve. Jared’s family is also here except for Jeff, who sent a thousand apologies but couldn’t take time off work to fly over to Texas, but made Jensen promise to take a lot of pictures for him.

When Jared’s name is called, he makes his way across the stage, Jensen can see he’s a bit embarrassed for walking on crutches in front of all those people, but their group screams the loudest, Jensen jumping up and down, and even Jared’s classmates cheer for Jared, all knowing what he went through to be here today. Jensen doesn’t even try to hide his tears, he’s so fucking proud of Jared it could burst out of his chest.

They all go to dinner after the ceremony, and Jared is happy and laughing and talking to everyone. Jensen is relieved to see Jared like this, hoping he can always see his boyfriend smiling, which is the best sight in the world. After they make a toast for Jared and he thanks everyone for being there with him, Chris clears his throat.

“Jared, I waited until you were doing better, because I knew you were focusing on your recovery, and also until you were graduated to officially offer you a position as counselor at the clinic. If you’re interested, that is.”

Jensen’s jaw drops, Chris hadn’t said anything to Jensen about this, the bastard. Jared had to cut his internship short because of what happened to him, and they hadn’t talked about it until now. He didn’t think Jared would go back since he was already graduated therefore couldn’t do an internship, but he never imagined that Chris would offer him a real job there. From the look on Jared’s face, this was the last thing he was expecting either.

“Oh my God, are… are you serious? You want me back there?” Jared’s voice is almost a whisper as he stares at Chris like he has grown two heads.

“Of course. You were the best intern we’ve had in a long time. It was awful to lose you like we did, specially for what happened to you. Now you have a degree, and I want you there for real. I know you’re still doing rehab and I’m willing to wait until you’re done, but there’s a spot waiting for you.”

Jared apparently can’t close his mouth anymore. “Oh my God Chris, I can’t believe it! Do you really think I can do it though, I’m kinda stuck like this.”

Chris huffs. “Son, I’m not hiring you to run marathons. It doesn’t matter the shape you’re in, only if your brain is good to go. I’d hire you even if you were still in the chair, that is something I do not care about at all. So what do you say?”

Jared is shocked silent for a few moments, but recovers from it quickly. “Of course I want it! I love the clinic, it holds a lot of good memories and I want to keep helping people, feel useful. It’s gonna be an honor.”

They make another toast to Counselor Jared after that, and Jensen leans over to plant a chaste kiss on Jared’s lips.

“You have no idea how proud I am of you, my boy.” He whispers into Jared’s ear. Jared was right, life is great right now and all they have are reasons to celebrate.



At the end of July, Jensen decides to throw a birthday party for Jared. His boyfriend has been through a lot during the last few months, so he wanted to do something really nice for him. Plus, he’s planning a big surprise for Jared at the party. Jensen knows Jared is doing much better emotionally, but he still has his moments. Learning that your condition is permanent can’t be easy for anyone, and Jared is still adjusting. He has been making more positive progress and the therapist is sure that Jared will be able to get around with just one crutch in a few months time. Jensen knows it’s a big deal for Jared, since he will have one free hand. He can’t stand up on his own though, he needs something to support him, and mostly likely this is how it’s gonna be from now on.

Jared has stopped going to rehab everyday, now he only goes twice a week for a couple of hours. Last week he started working at the clinic again, which lifted his spirits a bit. Jared had told Jensen it makes him feel useful and he gets to do something he loves, which is awesome. But Jensen can see Jared is still a little unsure sometimes, as if he still expects Jensen to back off and leave Jared just because of his new disability, even after all the talks they have had. He hides it the best he can, acting like his old self most of the time, but Jensen knows his boyfriend. And he has a great plan to fix that. Jensen can’t wait.

Jensen puts a lot of effort into the party. He decides to throw it at Chad and Sophia’s place since they have a nice backyard with enough room for everyone. Chad is the only one who knows Jensen’s real intentions with the party, Jensen thought it was only fair because Chad is lending the space and helping with everything but he made his friend swear not to say a single word. Jensen has contacted Jared’s family to invite them, and he made sure Jeff was able to make it as well. He had to wait a little more than a week after Jared’s real birthday to throw the party because Jensen’s brother Josh is coming to visit with his family, and Jensen also needs his brother, and the rest of his family, to be there for the special occasion. He can’t wait to see his brother again. Needless to say, all their friends are coming, including some of Jared’s buddies from college and coworkers from the clinic. Jensen knows it will be a day to remember.

They spend a great afternoon with everybody they love all in one place. Jensen is beyond happy with the fact his brother is there, he had arrived a day before and Jared and Jensen had invited Josh and his family for dinner at their place. Jensen had cooked them a nice meal and it had been an amazing night, Jensen and Josh had a lot to catch up on, Jensen fell in love with their son William, and the little boy had loved Jared as well. He had been curious to know what were those objects Jared was walking around with, and Jared had explained to him with all the patience in the world. It warmed his heart to see his boyfriend and his nephew getting along so well. Josh’s wife Melanie was also a sweetheart, she was really happy with finally meeting her brother-in-law, and the group talked for hours, getting to hear about each other’s lives and forming new and lasting connections. Jensen heart felt like it was two sizes bigger.

Now everyone is reunited in Chad’s backyard, Chris and Steve are taking care of the grill, Sherri and Donna had arrived earlier to take care of the rest of the food, and there is lots to drink. Jared is laughing and animatedly talking to everyone, he needs to sit down most of the time because standing up is still too tiring for him, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

After everybody gathers around the table to sing Happy Birthday to Jared and get their piece of cake, Chad cuts off the music, Jensen picks up his guitar, which he had brought with him, and stands up on the bench of the picnic table, calling for everyone’s attention. When all eyes are on him, he smiles.

“Sorry to interrupt the party, but it’s for a good reason. I’d like to ask you all to sit down for a while so I can do a little something.”

Everyone does as Jensen asks, Jared sits down on one of the chairs closer to Jensen, resting his crutches on the ground next to him. He looks at his boyfriend with a confused but expectant look on his face, specially eyeing the guitar in Jensen’s hand. Jensen gives Jared a small smile and a wink, his green eyes glimmering.

“Thanks guys. I wanted to have everyone here today not only for Jay’s birthday, but also because I wanted to share a special moment with you. I want you all to witness my love for someone, so right now, I’m going to sing a song to him. We have sang for each other a few times, but this one is extra special to me. I didn’t write this, but I think the lyrics convey a lot of things I want him to know. I made a few tiny changes to the song so it could fit our story even better, I hope the writer doesn’t mind, it’s for a good cause.”

Jensen grabs his guitar and sits on the table with his feet on the bench, he looks down at Jared and sees that his gaze is locked on him, surprised and pleased, expecting whatever his boyfriend has set up for him. Jensen lowers his head and smiles nervously, trying to compose himself so he can put in words all he wants to tell this man, who means so much to him. His fingers start softly playing the chords and his voice soon follows.

When I had to live my life without you near me
The days were all so empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever, oh so clearly
I had never been in love before
And I never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know,
they'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Jensen looks into Jared’s shining eyes the entire time, his gaze not once wandering away. He tries to show Jared that he seriously means every word he’s singing.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change our whole lives through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you

Jensen emphasizes the world Nothing while looking at Jared, to show his boyfriend how much he means it, to try and make him understand, once and for all, that there’s not a single thing in this universe that would make him love Jared less, that his love for Jared only grows each passing day. There are tears running down Jared’s face while he listens to Jensen sing, and Jensen himself can feel his own tears dampening his cheeks. At this moment the rest of the audience fades away, there’s nobody else but them, the only thing that exists is the deep connection between Jared and him.

If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead a way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view,
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

As Jensen finishes the song, he places the guitar on the table and hurries towards Jared, who’s already struggling to get up. He gently presses a hand on Jared’s shoulder to make him sit down again, and kneels in front of him. There are rivers of tears running down his boyfriend’s face, which is filled with deep emotion, and Jensen is sure he’s mirroring that same expression right now. He swallows a few times, taking deep breaths trying to calm down enough to tell Jared what he has to say. He runs his thumbs over Jared’s cheeks, wiping away the tears, while he gives him his most sincere smile.

“Jared.” He starts, his voice already hoarse. “There’s not much to say. Actually, there’s so much to say that I could spend half of my life here, just telling you what you mean to me. But even if I did, I still wouldn’t be able to put it into words. There isn’t a word that describes what I feel for you and how blessed and thankful I am for finding you so many years ago, and then discovering you again. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe in destiny. I believe some higher power put you on my path not once, but twice, because we were meant to find each other. And I’ll also be forever thankful that you weren’t taken from me right when I had found you again. I told you this already and I’ll tell you again. I don’t know if I’d have been able to keep living if you had been taken from me for good.”

Jensen’s voice falters and he lowers his head, resting it on Jared’s knees. More tears fall when he remembers how close he came to really lose Jared. Jared apparently feels his boyfriend’s distress, and he gently runs a hand through his hair, placing both on the sides of Jensen’s face tilting his head up, making him look at Jared again. Jensen fights to compose himself so he can finish.

“You’re it for me, Jared. It’s either you in my life, or no life at all. I missed you so much all those years we were apart, and I never want to go through that again. I want you, every moment of everyday, I want you forever in my life until we’re both old and wrinkly. And after we’re dead, I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. So now, I want to ask you something.”

Jensen reaches into his pocket and comes out with a small velvet box. He hears Jared gasp, and when he looks at his boyfriend again, he can see his eyes widening, going from the box to Jensen’s face. Jensen opens the box to reveal a simple silver band, and Jared covers his mouth with both hands, Jensen can feel Jared holding his breath from where he’s kneeling.

“Jared, I love you more than words can say, I have loved you ever since I was 15 years old and you were just a boy, a beautiful boy with bright eyes that I always dreamed about. Now, after all these years and what we’ve been through, would you give me the highest of honors and marry me?”

More tears fall down Jared’s eyes, moistening his hands, and Jensen can feel him shaking. Slowly, Jared lowers his hands and places them again on Jensen’s face. Jared’s glistening hazel eyes lock on his as he finally speaks with a husky voice.

“I’ll answer this question for me, and also for that 11 year old boy who fell in love with Jack the first time he laid eyes on him, and he had no idea what it meant at the time. All my life Jensen, ever since that moment, has revolved around you. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think of you, I didn’t dream of you. You made me see who I really was, and I was so scared. There were times I even hated you, but then I loved you a thousand times more. I can’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t love you. It’s like those first 11 years of my life were meaningless, and then you came along and put everything into focus. I missed you so much, that it made my heart physically ache.

“I used to pray for God to bring you into my life again, even for one day, so I could tell you how much you meant to me. But as you said, there aren’t words to express how I feel about you. I just can’t do it. I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am to get you back in my life. Whenever I say my prayers, I thank God for giving me you, my very own miracle. Because that’s what you are Jensen, you are my miracle. And not even for a second, for the rest of my life, will I take you for granted. I will be forever thankful for this blessing. So this answer is from me to you and from J.T. to Jack. Nothing in this world would make me happier than marrying you. My answer is yes, forever and always, yes.”

Jensen smiles so brightly he feels like his face might split in two. He takes the band out of the box and puts it on Jared’s finger, as Jared does the same with the one Jensen gives him. Then he places his arms around Jared’s waist and stands up, bringing Jared with him, supporting his weight as Jared places his own arms around his neck. Their lips finally clash together, both trying to say without words this time what they are feeling. Their kiss tastes salty from the many tears that are falling, and as they hug tight, they whisper I love you over and over into each other’s ears.

After what seems like hours, the world comes back into focus, they can hear cheering, people coming closer, and they finally remember they are not alone, as the spell is broken. They break apart but only a little, since Jensen is still supporting Jared. Their family and friends are all around them, wanting to congratulate the fiancés, and Chad is quick to hand Jared his crutches so he can stand up on his own. Jared and Jensen hug everybody, there isn’t a dry eye in the place, their speeches having made everyone emotional. Jensen knows that this is one of the happiest days of his life. Now he wonders if their wedding day could possibly top that.

But Jensen realizes that he doesn’t care, actually. Every day he has Jared by his side, will be the happiest day of his life.



July 28th, 2007

I’m going to marry the boy with blue hair.

Epilogue