The Love That Remains - Chapter 18/22
A couple more days pass and there’s no news on Jared. And as more time passes, Jensen gets more and more desperate, he’s reaching the end of his rope. Jared’s family is still in town, but he hasn’t seen them since they arrived, and honestly he doesn’t want to. In fact, he doesn’t care about anything. He misses Jared so much it hurts physically, he’s barely eating or sleeping despite his friend’s protests, and he loathes himself for putting Jared in danger, for not being more careful or paying more attention to Stephen’s threats. The only reason Jensen hasn’t given up on everything already is Jared himself.
In the morning, he gets up from the bed after a restless sleep filled with nightmares, and heads to the living room. He has been sleeping in Chad’s old room for the past days, he can’t even stomach the idea of sleeping alone in their bed. When Jensen is about to enter the kitchen, something catches his eye. There’s an envelope at the entrance, clearly someone slid it under the door. His heart races as he runs to pick it up, tearing it open to reveal a CD.
There’s no note and Jensen frowns. He hopes that it is something about Jared, so he turns the computer on, waiting impatiently until it loads, and inserts the disk, the player opens and the video starts.
The first thing that appears is Stephen’s face, and Jensen cringes. He knows right away that whatever comes next won’t be good.
“Hey there cousin! I hope you’re doing fine. Me and your boy here are having a blast! I wanted to send you a small gift today, so I can teach you a lesson that you need to learn. You are gonna see how a proper fuck should be, nothing like that disgusting thing you guys probably do. So please, grab your popcorn!”
The camera shifts and Jensen can see Jared. He gasps as he takes a look at his boyfriend’s form. Jared is lying on a bed, pale and thin, sweat and bruises covering his face and body, and he looks to be in deep pain. Jensen immediately starts crying.
There’s a woman straddling him, and Jensen opens his mouth in horror as he watches her yanking down his pants and releasing his limp cock, stroking it until it’s half hard. Jared has a disgusted look on his face, tears running down his cheeks, and he wonders why he’s not even moving to stop her. Then, Jensen takes a closer look and notices with horror that Stephen has a gun pointed at Jared’s head. Jensen is paralyzed in his chair watching the woman ride his Jared, after a few moments Jared instinctively starts thrusting up, grabbing her thighs as he fucks into her, a pained expression on his face.
Jensen can’t watch anymore, he barely makes it to the bathroom before he loses the meager contents of his stomach and he doesn’t stop until he’s dry heaving. Jensen grabs the toilet and cries until his eyes are sore, and he finally knows he has had enough.
Jensen needs an escape, the pain is too much and he can’t bear it anymore. He needs his drugs, the craving has never been this bad, but Jensen having to watch Jared being forced to fuck a woman at gunpoint was the last straw. He can’t be strong anymore. He can’t.
Blinded by his strong craving, Jensen starts searching the apartment for something, anything. Deep down he knows he won’t find it, but he looks anyway. Maybe he can sell something. Jensen enters their bedroom, where Jared’s presence is stronger than anywhere else, and he hurries to open his boyfriend’s nightstand drawer. There’s a notebook at the bottom of it, and Jensen quickly picks it up. It looks old and worn, and Jensen is curious.
He sits down on the bed and opens the first page. What he reads makes his heart stop.
A boy with blue hair just arrived at the camp.
Jensen quickly flips through the pages and he suddenly realizes what it must be. It’s Jared’s journal, where he has obviously written about him. Feeling a sudden need, that overpowers the cravings for the drugs, Jensen starts reading. He knows it’s Jared’s private book, but he’s too far gone to care. This is the only thing that brings Jared somewhat closer to him. The more Jensen reads, the more desperate he gets. There are 12 years of Jared writing about him, suffering because of his absence, and Jensen had no clue about any of it. Jared’s written words pierce a hole through his heart, because he went through so much pain due to him, and now he’s suffering unimaginable pain, again because of him.
If it’s destiny, like Jared says, or God or whatever, why does it have to be so hard, why must hurt so much? If Jensen knew this was gonna happen, he’d have stayed as far away from Jared as possible, if only that meant he would be safe.
Jensen finishes reading the notebook and he folds into a ball on the floor, hugging his knees and the notebook, sobbing as though his heart is breaking. Jensen can’t give in, he must fight his cravings and be strong for Jared. He owes that to him, since he’s the one causing all of this, it’s the least he can do. Jared fought for Jensen so hard, he has so much faith in him, and Jensen could never disappoint him like this. He doesn’t move for a long time, doesn’t trust himself enough. He clutches the notebook in his hands like it’s his lifesaver, the only thing keeping his head above water.
That’s how Chris finds him hours later, and Jensen manages to tell him between sobs about the video, and after a lot of persuasion Chris convinces Jensen to bring it to the authorities. Jensen doesn’t want to at first, he can’t expose his boyfriend like this, but Chris argues that it’s solid evidence that Jared is being held captive and tortured. So he finally agrees, he will do anything that can help them get to Jared.
The following evening, Jensen is at home, lying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling when Chad arrives, bringing him pizza. Jensen really tries, but the most he’s able to eat is two bites of a slice. He knows he hasn’t eaten hardly anything since Jared was taken a week ago,and that he is losing the weight he had only just put on, but he can’t bring himself to care. He knows he must be strong, but he’s nearing the end of his hope. The video from yesterday is etched in his mind, the horrible images of a beaten up Jared being forced to fuck a girl are enough to make Jensen almost puke the pizza back up.
He had handed the CD to Morgan, who was shocked by it, and promised his best efforts in finding Jared. He knows Jared’s family has seen it too, he knows that they are still in town since he has been texting with Megan. She has told Jensen she wanted to come over and talk to him, but she doesn’t want to upset her parents even further. She texts him this morning saying they have watched the video and her mother passed out and spent the morning in the E.R. Jensen doesn’t even pretend to care. Didn’t she want her son to date girls instead of boys? She should be thrilled her wish came true.
Chad is sitting at the couch talking about nonsensical things, and Jensen is somewhat grateful for having someone to distract him, even though he’s only giving Chad half his attention. He’s wondering if he’s gonna be able to at least get half an hour of sleep tonight, when there’s a loud noise outside. It sounds like screeching tires, then there’s a loud bang, a couple honks and more squealing tires.
It seems like it came from right outside the apartment, so Jensen jumps up from the couch to see what’s happening. When Jensen opens the door and steps outside, he instantly knows what those sounds were. Jensen has to rub his eyes to make sure he’s seeing what he thinks he’s seeing, and even then it still looks like a nightmare.
Jared is lying on the street in front of their apartment, unconscious. Jensen has to hold his knees tight so they won’t give out, and forces his legs to move, so he can get closer to Jared. When he kneels down by his side, Jensen cringes at Jared’s state. His whole body is a big purple bruise, there are countless cuts and blood everywhere. Jared also has a lot of scrapes, like he has just been thrown out of a moving car and rolled onto the pavement.
There is someone screaming somewhere, Jensen quickly grabs Jared’s head and rests it on his lap, he can’t think straight, there are tears running down his face as he assesses Jared’s state. He’s getting desperate and he suddenly realizes he’s the one screaming. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know if Jared is even alive. Jensen looks around and finds Chad by his side, a shocked expression and the phone glued to his ear, and Jensen hopes he’s getting help.
Jensen runs a trembling hand through Jared’s hair, his tears falling down on his boyfriend’s face.
“Jay… please talk to me Jay. Can you hear me?” Jensen whispers anxiously, but there is no answer. Chad closes the phone and crouches down beside him, a horrified look on his face as he takes in the state his friend is in.
“The ambulance is on the way.” Chad says, his eyes never leaving Jared.
“Is he…” Jensen tries to choke out between the sobs. “Is he…”
He can’t bring himself to say the word, and Chad picks up on that, taking Jared’s wrist in his hand and feeling it for a few moments.
“He’s alive. But the pulse is faint.”
Heavy tears explode from Jensen’s eyes as he leans down and presses his face down onto Jared’s chest, silently asking, begging for Jared to be okay. He has to be okay, there is no other option for Jensen.
Finally the ambulance arrives, and Chad gently takes Jensen away from Jared so the paramedics can work on him. Jensen can’t stand up, he remains kneeling on the ground close to Jared, as he waits. The look on the paramedics face isn’t good at all, they check Jared’s vitals and one of them announces Jared is going into cardiac arrest. Chad has to physically restrain Jensen to prevent him from jumping on Jared, and getting in the way of the paramedics doing their job.
As they prepare to do CPR, a cop appears out of nowhere, telling them to back up a bit so they won’t be in the way. Chad pulls a reluctant Jensen further away, as they watch the men doing compressions, and Jensen suddenly realizes that in that moment, Jared is technically dead.
That thought makes Jensen want to pass out, but he fights against it, his body limp against Chad’s, who is trembling behind him. Both men watch as the paramedics fight for Jared’s life, pumping his heart and blowing air in his mouth. A few minutes later, they insert a tube down Jared’s throat and continue with the compressions without stopping.
Another paramedic inserts an IV and screams to another to start an epi. They finally settle Jared on a gurney, and after making sure he’s secure, they roll him into the ambulance, never stopping the compressions on him.
Jensen forces his legs to work and stands up, running to the ambulance, trying to climb into it, but the same cop blocks his way.
“I want to go with him!” Jensen screams in a hoarse voice, but the officer shakes his head.
“Sorry but you can’t ride with him. I can take you to the hospital, following the ambulance, so we can get there just after them.”
Jensen nods, too drained to even argue, and with a final look at Jared before the ambulance doors close, he runs to the car, vaguely hearing Chad telling him that he’s calling everyone and that they will meet him at the hospital.
The ride to the hospital passes in a blur. Jensen can only watch the ambulance driving wildly in front of them, sirens blasting, and all he can think about, is that Jared may be already dead. The notion makes him want to puke, he closes his eyes and breaths deeply, endless tears running down his face. The cop spares him a few looks, but doesn’t say anything, which Jensen is grateful for. He doesn’t trust himself enough to even open his mouth without throwing up.
He’s having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Jared was kidnapped and has just appeared on his doorstep, seriously hurt and almost dead. Never in his worst nightmares could he have imagined something like this happening. It’s too absurd.
They arrive at the hospital only a few moments after the ambulance, and Jensen jumps out of the car and enters the building, right when they are wheeling Jared through some doors. He tries to follow but a nurse stops him, saying he must stay in the waiting room. Jensen pretty much collapses on a hard chair and pulls on his hair, not sure what he should do. He can’t think, Jared is behind those doors and he has no idea what state he’s in and he’s feeling so powerless. Everything that is happening to Jared is because of him and he feels like screaming.
The cop that brought him in approaches Jensen, followed by another one, and he clears his throat to get Jensen’s attention. As he looks up, the cop tells him as gently as possible that he needs to give his statement as to what happened to Jared. Jensen is more than happy to do so, finally being able to do something remotely useful, his monster of a cousin did this and he will make sure the cops know it.
The cops lead Jensen to a private room, and he tells them everything that has happened, that Jared was kidnapped and there is a case opened already. He tells them that Stephen, his cousin, made sure Jensen knew that he had Jared and tonight he dropped an unconscious Jared on his doorstep, probably to teach him a lesson, maybe assuming he was already dead. The cops thank Jensen and release him, saying that his statement will be added to the case files, along with the one Chad has to give when he arrives, and Stephen will more than likely have a ‘wanted’ sign of his face soon.
When Jensen returns to the waiting room, Chad is there with Sophia, Chris and Steve, all of them asking questions when they see Jensen, but all he can do is just shake his head. They all sit and wait as Chad goes to talk to the cops and Jensen fills in some forms with Jared’s information. A while later Jared’s family arrives. After being told they have to wait by the nurse at the station, Sherri spots Jensen and starts throwing a tantrum, demanding that he leaves since he has no reason to be here, and since Jensen’s level of stress is already off the charts, he stands his ground and faces Jared’s mother.
“I am not going anywhere, you know why? Because Jared is my boyfriend, he’s the love of my life and I have every right to be here, since he chose me to be a part of his life. I know what happened to him was my fault, because Stephen is my cousin, but the only thing that can make me leave this hospital is Jared asking that himself. And even then, I won’t leave. Now, you guys, you turned your back on your son, you were blind to his suffering, you didn’t help him when he needed it the most, and after finally telling you the truth, saying he was finally happy with the man he loved, you ignored him for weeks and only came here because he was in danger. If this hadn’t happen, you’d still be in your lovely suburban home, pretending your son doesn’t exist. So excuse me if I don’t follow your orders, I’m staying put and if you as much as think about keeping me from seeing Jared in this hospital, I’ll raise hell on earth. So I wouldn’t do that if I were you, because you don’t know what I’m capable of doing for those I love. I’m sick of you treating us like we’re below your level. So please, if you don’t have anything nice to say to me, let’s keep quiet and wait for news on Jared.”
Jensen slumps down on the couch, leaning against the back of it. Sherri opens her mouth to answer him, but surprisingly, Jared’s father cuts her off.
“Enough, Sherri. We’re dealing with enough stress here already, we don’t need to add more to it. Let’s do what the boy says and wait in silence for someone to come and give news on our boy.” Gerry gives Jensen a long look, but Jensen is too tired to even think about what it means.
A long time passes before the doctor finally comes into the waiting room, calling for Mr. Padalecki’s family. Jensen is the first to get up and get to the doctor, followed by Jared’s parents and Megan. Their friends stay close behind so they can listen too.
“Doctor, please, how’s Jared??” Jensen asks in a frantic voice.
The doctor eyes Jensen. “Are you family?”
Jensen doesn’t even blink, answering before Sherri has a chance to. “Yes, Jared is my life partner, we live together.”
The answer seems to be enough for the doctor. “Okay. I’m doctor Sheppard, and I was the one who treated Mr. Padalecki and assessed his condition. I’ll be straight with you, Jared doesn’t look good. He has suffered severe injuries caused by heavy beatings, to his head and torso, specially his back. We’re monitoring his kidneys for any signs of renal failure, since that can often occur. Scans also showed swelling and a injury to the lower part of his spine, which is a big concern, but for now our major worry is for Jared’s brain. He has suffered a massive head injury, maybe when he fell from the vehicle, the CT scan shows an edema, which is brain swelling, and internal bleeding. Jared is being prepared for surgery as we speak, so the doctors can try and release the pressure on his brain and stop the bleeding. I’m sorry I can’t give you better news, but Jared’s state is critical. I can promise you he’s in the best of hands though, and will receive the finest treatment. We’re doing all we can to save him.”
Jensen can’t find his voice to reply to the doctor, he steps aside and Chris is quick to hold him up, right when his knees buckle. The doctor’s words ringing in his ears, Jensen can’t help but think that Jared’s dying. He needs brain surgery, there are a lot of other injuries that Jensen can’t even begin to think about, and if Jared ever comes out of all of this alive, it’s gonna be a miracle. Chris tries to drag Jensen to the couch, but suddenly Jensen is taken over by a wave of massive anger, that runs deep in his bones and he knows he has to lash out at someone. So he extricates himself from Chris’ arms and demands that his friend gives him his phone.
When Chris hands him the device, Jensen steps away from everyone, flips the phone open and without thinking twice, punches in the number he still knows by heart, hoping it hasn’t changed over the years.
A female voice answers, and Jensen knows the number is still the same. “Hello?”
“Donna?” Jensen’s voice is hoarse and dry and he ignores the sting of hearing his mother’s voice for the first time in all these years.
“Yes, this is her. Who is this?”
“This is Jensen.” He waits a heartbeat for the effect of his words and sure enough there’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end.
“J-Jensen? Son??” The voice sounds shocked and desperate, but Jensen doesn’t break.
“No! This is Jensen, but I’m not your son. I haven’t been for years now.” The woman starts to speak but Jensen cuts her off. “I am calling to let you know something. Your precious, perfect nephew Stephen, found out I’m in Dallas and living happily with my boyfriend, and he thought it was a good idea to fucking kidnap my boyfriend and torture him. He returned him to me with his life hanging by a thread, and now I’m sitting in a fucking hospital waiting for the doctor to tell me there’s nothing they can do for him! And it’s all the fault of this fucking homophobic and hateful family who cannot accept a different lifestyle. You people took everything from me, you took my whole life away and now you have managed to take my love too. What did I ever do to deserve all of this? I only wanted to live my life the way I am, but you people won’t let me. I want you to know something. Stephen will pay. If the police won’t find him, I will, and he will regret the day he was born when I do. That’s all I have to say.”
Jensen shuts off the phone and clutches it tightly in his hand, fat tears falling down his face. He returns to the waiting room, not sure if he’s feeling better or worse. Jensen returns the phone to Chris, who informs him the nurse said the surgery has begun. Jensen tells his friends to go home and rest, saying he’s gonna stay and wait for the surgery to be over. They protest, but there’s no point of them all staying here, and Jensen promises to call if anything happens.
The waiting is unbearable. It has been hours, but to Jensen, it feels like months have passed since they started the surgery. He feels nauseated every time he thinks that there is a possibility that Jared could die, that the doctor could come and tell them they can’t do anything to save him. Megan often sits by his side, offering and taking silent comfort, ignoring her mother’s stern looks. Jensen is fucking tired of her judgment, but he’s even more tired of arguing. He can’t stop thinking about how cruel Stephen was, how it’s possible that a human being can get to that point, and he knows he wasn’t bluffing when he talked to Donna. If the police don’t find him and lock him up, he’ll take matters into his own hands. Jensen was quietly minding his own business with Jared and then Stephen came and ruined everything. He has to pay one way or the other.
After what seems like days, another doctor arrives asking if they are Jared’s family, and everyone stands up at once. Jensen tries to read his face, to see if the news is gonna be the worst possible. Again, it’s Jensen who speaks first.
“How is he? Did he make it?”
The doctor looks at them with sympathy. “Jared made it through surgery, we were able to remove the source of the swelling in his brain and control the bleeding. We are hopeful he’s gonna make a full recovery but it’s too soon to tell. His condition is still critical, he’s in the ICU and we’ll keep a close eye on him, especially his heart, he arrived here in cardiac arrest and it took a long time to stabilize him. Jared still needs surgery on his spinal cord, but for now we’re more worried with him making it through the next couple days after this first surgery.” The doctor looks at everyone and sighs. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but let’s take one step at a time. It’s not gonna be easy, but we’re doing everything we can for Jared.”
Jensen can’t find his voice, it’s a lot of information at once and a lot of things that could go wrong, so Sherri is the one who speaks.
“Can we see him?”
“Yes. But not all of you at once and only for five minutes each.”
Sherri starts saying that she is going first and Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but surprisingly, Gerry is the one who stops her.
“Sherri, let the boy go first.” His voice leaves no room for argument, both Sherri and Jensen stare agape at the man, and she protests even further, claiming her husband is crazy but he doesn’t back down.
“He was right. We turned our back on our son, he was the one by his side all this time and he was the one who found him. As he told you, Jared chose him, and he has every right to see him before we do. Go Jensen, please.”
Jensen is stunned by the fact that Jared’s dad just defended him, but he decides to think about it later, he’s seeing Jared now and that’s all that matters.
A nurse leads him to the ICU, and when he enters the room he doesn’t see anything else, only a tall figure lying too still on a large bed, and even before Jensen approaches it, there are already big tears rolling down his face as he takes in Jared’s state. His eyes are closed, his face pale under purple bruises that go down all the way his torso and arms. There are cuts and scrapes everywhere, a large bandage around his head. A lot of wires are attached to his bare chest, connecting Jared to countless machines around him.
Jensen stands by Jared’s side, carefully picking up his hand and bringing it to his lips, placing a lingering kiss there, feeling his tears dampening the back of it. Still holding Jared’s hand, he touches his face as gently as he can, feeling the warmth of Jared’s cheek, proof that he’s still alive, along with the loud sound of the beeping machines.
“I’m sorry, Jay.” Jensen’s voice is no more than a whisper. “This is on me but you’ll be fine. You have to be. And if you forgive me, I promise I’ll take care of you and we’ll be so happy together, in our small apartment with our friends bugging us. Maybe we can move to a house and get a dog someday? Bet you’d like that.”
Jared remains completely still and Jensen’s voice falters as he squeezes Jared’s hand. “Jay, please.”
A nurse arrives, quietly telling him he must leave now, and Jensen nods. He places another kiss on Jared’s hand and with a final look at him, the love of his life who’s just hanging by a thread, he leaves the room.
Chapter 19