The Love That Remains - Chapter 16/22
Jensen stares into Jared’s eyes for a long time, as if looking for a confirmation this is what he really wants. But when Jared looks back at him with nothing but quiet resolve, Jensen gives him a small smile and throws the items onto the bed. Jared’s heart is beating fast in his chest, he’s feeling nervous, but he wants this so much. Jensen steps even closer to him and slowly runs the back of his hand down Jared’s face, their eyes never leaving each other, Jared is sure that this is the right time.
Jensen grabs the hem of Jared’s t-shirt and slowly pulls it up and over his head, running his hands down his smooth, golden torso. Jared feels exposed all of a sudden, so he removes Jensen’s plaid shirt and tee, letting both fall to the floor. They take a moment to just look at each other, Jared’s breath is becoming heavier, and Jensen places a hand over his heart. He can surely feel how strong it’s beating, just for him--always for him. Jensen leans over, with his hands on Jared’s hips, and places a soft kiss on his collarbone, going up his long neck and moving across his jaw, until he finally meets Jared’s mouth. He moves one hand up and grabs the back of Jared’s neck, kissing him passionately, licking his bottom lip for entrance and exploring his mouth with all that he has.
Without breaking the kiss, Jensen walks Jared backwards towards their bed until the back of his knees hit the mattress, making him fall onto it as Jensen looks down at him. He gently pushes Jared’s shoulder, quietly instructing him to lie down. Jared braces himself on his elbows, and continues to watch Jensen.
After removing both their shoes, Jensen climbs on top of Jared, touching their foreheads together and looking deeply into his beautiful, hazel eyes.
“Hi.” He whispers, his warm breath invading Jared’s mouth, and god, he loves Jensen so much. Jensen runs his hands over the sheer breadth of Jared’s body and showers it with kisses as he goes. Jared tries desperately to fight the emotion that bubbles up in the back of his throat. His mind goes back 12 years, and everything that has happened since. The first time he laid eyes on Jensen, and how he had no idea that the boy with blue hair would change his life forever.
Jensen unbuttons Jared’s jeans and slowly takes them off, revealing his dark briefs and the shape of his hard cock inside of them. Jensen runs a thumb over the head, making Jared gasp. He quickly helps Jensen out of his old jeans, and Jensen pushes his hips down, grinding his own erection on Jared’s, and Jared will never get over how incredible that feels.
Jensen grabs the waistband of Jared’s briefs, yanking them down and releasing his aching cock. As his boyfriend leans down and takes him inside his mouth, Jared pants hard, the feel of Jensen’s hot mouth around him, too much for him to handle. Every moment he’s had with Jensen after finding him again, has been incredible. Jared knows it won’t always been easy, they’re in for a bumpy ride, but it’s worth it. Jensen sucks the tip of his cock, and licks the underside of his shaft, making Jared fight hard not to come so soon. It’s incredible how Jensen makes him feel, even before he knew Jensen was Jack. From the very first time Jared laid eyes on him, he knew Jensen was special. And even if his eyes didn’t know who he truly was, his heart always knew.
Jared comes with Jensen’s mouth around him, and his name falling from his lips. Jensen swallows the last drop, and as Jared watches him, he can’t help but feel how intimate and meaningful it is. Jared brings Jensen up and tentatively kiss his mouth, tasting himself and it should be weird, but it isn’t--it actually tastes nice because it’s just them. Him and Jensen, combined.
Jensen reaches out and grabs the bottle of lube, looking into Jared’s eyes once more.
“Jay, are you sure? We can wait.” His voice is husky and his pupils are dilated with lust, but he looks concerned.
“I’m sure, Jen.” Jared runs his hand through Jensen’s hair, giving him a smile.
“It’s gonna hurt, love. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s your first time, so…”
Jared cuts him off with a chaste kiss. “I know. But I’m ready for it. Jensen, I’ve been ready for it my whole life. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do this but you.”
Jensen kisses Jared’s flushed temple, and opens the lube, coating his fingers and slowly circling Jared’s entrance. It’s cold at first, and it feels weird to be touched there by someone else, but as Jensen’s fingers warm up, it gets better. Jensen slowly inserts a finger inside him, and Jared wills himself to relax at the intrusion. What he said was true. He has never wanted to do this with anyone else, boy or girl. Every time Jared imagined his first time, it was Jensen who was with him. He couldn’t see himself sharing this moment with anyone else, but at the same time, he never thought he would have the chance to have this with Jensen.
As his boyfriend inserts another finger and scissors them inside him, Jared can’t help but feel blessed. Against all odds, Jared got Jensen back and what is even more amazing, Jensen loves him back.
“God Jensen, just do it please.” Jared pants, his flaccid cock giving signs of life again, but Jensen shushes him with a kiss.
“Have patience, my boy. As I said, it’s gonna burn, I need to get you as ready as I can so it will hurt a little less.”
Jensen inserts a third finger and works Jared as open as possible, and Jared feels he can’t take it anymore, like it’s taking forever and he just needs to feel Jensen inside him. Finally, after what seems like ages, his boyfriend is apparently satisfied with the prep job and removes his fingers, wiping them on the sheet and grabbing the foil packet. As he takes the condom out and puts it on his hard cock, coating it with a lot of lube, he looks at Jared again, asking one final time if he’s okay with it. Jared doesn’t answer, he only nods, slowly.
Jensen studies him for a moment, and finally nods back. He grabs one of Jared’s legs and places it over his shoulder, pulling the other around his waist. Jensen lines himself with Jared’s entrance, touching his hole with the tip of his cock, his eyes never leaving Jared’s face, looking for any signs of discomfort, but Jared encourages him to do it.
Jensen starts to enter Jared very slowly, and yes, it hurts, in fact, it hurts a lot. Jensen stops, to give Jared time to adjust, and he takes several deep breaths. He nods, motioning for Jensen to continue. Jensen places small kisses to Jared’s calf which is resting on his shoulder. As he bottoms out, Jensen stays completely still, waiting for Jared to adjust.
It really hurts, Jared closes his eyes shut and breaths through his mouth, trying to get his body to relax, but it’s hard. Then, he listens to Jensen’s quiet voice talking to him.
“Look at me, Jay… just breath and look at me. I’ve got you, my boy. Open your eyes.”
Jared forces his eyes to open, and he’s met with Jensen’s own staring back at him, inches away from his face. Jensen leans down and places a long kiss on Jared’s mouth as he whispers ‘I’ve got you’ over and over.
Jensen breaks the kiss and looks at Jared, who tentatively nods. Jensen finally moves, very slowly, thrusting gently in and out, and when Jensen changes the angle and hits a spot inside of Jared, his hips buckle up and he sees stars. Jensen does it again and again, and the pleasure he sudden feels overpowers the pain he was feeling, and as his body fully adjusts, he finds that it feels simply amazing. As Jensen and him become one, Jared feels so thankful. He has prayed so many nights for Jensen, for this, and God answered him. A tear escapes his eye as Jensen grabs Jared’s once again hard cock and strokes it along with his thrusts, and god, Jared is so lucky. He doesn’t understand how his family can condemn such a powerful love, how they can be against his happiness, when all he wants in his life is this. Jared doesn’t need anything else as long as he has Jensen, and this is the happiest he has ever been.
Jared comes again, spurting all over Jensen’s hand, and after a final thrust, Jensen comes too, buried deep inside Jared, yelling his name. Jensen collapses on top of Jared, and they stay entwined, Jensen’s limp cock still inside Jared. Jared hugs Jensen close to him, he doesn’t wanna move, ever again. Jensen murmurs ‘I love you’ against his neck, and he can only hug him tighter, the lump in his throat preventing him from replying.
They are both sticky, sweaty, and smelly, but Jared doesn’t care. He knows, more than ever, that he won’t feel ashamed again, people can accept them or not, but the only thing he knows for sure, is that this is it for him. Jensen is his home, his happiness, he is fortunate enough to get him back in his life after so long, and he won’t take it for granted. He feels sleep dragging him under, Jensen is already breathing rhythmically against him, his eyes closed, and before Jared succumbs, he sends up a silent prayer, as he has every night since he learned who Jensen is, thanking the man up there for giving him his very own miracle.
On Jensen’s birthday, Rising Kane has a gig at Fitzsimons. The boys have played there a few times over the past few weeks, and each time, they were a success. Jensen is now part of the entire thing, from beginning to end, officially taking over the position of lead singer. Jensen has found something he’s really passionate about, and he’s so glad for having this opportunity. Plus, he gets some money out of it, and with that, added to what he makes at the coffee shop, he’s able to share the bills with Jared and that makes Jensen very relieved.
He can’t believe the turns his life has taken ever since that fateful night he mugged Jared. If a few months ago someone had told him he’d be the lead singer of a band, living with his boyfriend, with a stable job and clean not too long after, he’d say that person was snorting the wrong kind of crank. But now here he is, and he has Jared to thank for all of this. It’s still not easy, Jensen still craves the drug more often than not and has to fight it, sometimes pretty hard, but when he looks at Jared, when he hears his boyfriend’s laughter and kisses him, or just watches him sleep, he knows it’s worth it. Sometimes he even has to pinch himself to see if it isn’t all just a dream, because in his fucked up life, it seems too good to be true. It still amazes him that Jared is in fact J.T., that little boy who changed him, and against all odds he found him again. Jensen truly believes in destiny now, and that everything that happened in his life led him to Jared, and to be honest, he’d go through it all again, if it meant Jared would be at the end of the tunnel. It would be worth it, no matter what.
Tonight, they are playing an acoustic set for the first time. Jensen has his old familiar guitar and he’s sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage, flanked by Chris and Steve. Everyone’s there tonight, Jared right in front of the stage along with their friends (because they are Jensen’s friends now too), and even some old buddies from the clinic, who were also patients and released around the same time as Jensen. They usually meet at the Narcotics Anonymous meetings, where they manage to stay in touch.
It’s a good gig, they play some classic tunes and even one of Kane’s original songs that Jensen is slowly learning. In the end, Chris makes everyone sing Happy Birthday to Jensen, who can’t help the grin that spreads across his face, especially after noticing Jared is the one singing the loudest.
When they arrive at the table, Jared has a chocolate cupcake with a small candle on top, and welcomes him with a kiss. They all sing to him again, and Jensen thanks them all while blowing out the candle. As they all take their seats again, Jensen excuses himself to go to the bar to get himself a Coke and a drink for Chris.
As he waits for the bartender to get his order ready, someone behind him calls his name.
“Jensen? Is that really you?”
Jensen turns around and is met with a face he hasn’t seen for years. He looks older now, but he’s still very recognizable.
“Stephen?” Jensen says with surprise, but he can’t hide the hint of wariness in his voice.
Stephen gives Jensen a once over and a smirk that makes Jensen cringe internally.
“Well, well, look who’s here. The long lost Ackles has returned from the dead.”
Stephen words aren’t amicable at all, and Jensen immediately feels uncomfortable. Stephen Amell is Jensen’s cousin, his father is Stephen’s mother’s brother. They never really got along. Stephen was always a mean person, ever since he was a little kid. He wasn’t likeable, he always treated others like shit and their parents always granted all his wishes and pampered him all the time. Jensen’s parents always loved Stephen, but behind their back he wasn’t nice to Jensen, so he would avoid him at all costs.
When they became teens, Stephen started hanging out with the wrong kind of guys, they would do drugs, steal and harass people. His parents would always turn a blind eye to what he did, or would even bail him out when needed, so Stephen never knew limits and always believed he could do anything he wanted, consequences be damned. Jensen doesn’t know what happened to Stephen after he moved to Tulsa, since he hasn’t seen or heard from his cousin since, but he can see from his cocky attitude that he hasn’t changed much.
Jensen clears his throat so he can give him an answer. “Yeah, you know me… I’m full of surprises.”
Stephen raises an eyebrow at him, at the same time the bartender places his drinks on the bar. “You know, I’ve heard the family thinks you’re dead in some alley out there. I believed the same thing, until tonight. This is a surprise for sure.”
Jensen grabs his drinks, and before he has a chance to leave, he feels a solid presence next to him, and he doesn’t need to look to know it’s Jared. His boyfriend places an arm around his shoulders and Jensen relaxes a fraction.
“What’s going on here?” Jared asks in a low voice, and Jensen instantly knows he has picked up on Jensen’s tension.
Jensen manages to give him a small smile and points his head towards Stephen. “This is... hm… my cousin. Stephen Amell.”
Jared looks at the other man with wide eyes, clearly impressed with meeting a member of Jensen’s family.
“Well, nice to meet you.” Jared tries to sound friendly, but Jensen knows better.
Stephen just raises an eyebrow at him. “And you are?”
Jared smirks and brings Jensen closer to him. “I’m Jared. Jensen’s boyfriend.” Jensen hears the pride in Jared’s words and can’t help but feel warm all over. But Stephen’s next words instantly make him cold again.
“You’re kidding, right?”
Jensen frowns, feeling really uneasy. “No, he’s not kidding. I am Jared’s boyfriend indeed, as in we are a couple.”
Stephen looks from one man to the other, a look of incredulity on his face, and shakes his head vigorously.
“No, no, no, no, no! You were not a fag Jensen, you can’t possibly be…. dating a dude, no! This is disgusting Jensen, is that why you ran away?? Because you like to take it up the ass?? No wonder your family is so ashamed of you or why they won’t even say your name!”
Stephen’s voice is getting louder by the time he finishes and Jensen senses that this is going to turn ugly. He positions himself between Stephen and Jared, since the look his cousin is giving his boyfriend, is nothing short of dangerous. From the corner of his eye Jensen can see Chris and Chad approaching them, probably having noticed something not right, and Jensen focuses on answering his cousin.
“Look dude, you can say whatever you want. The truth is, I am a fag, I’m gay to give it a better term. That is in fact why I ran away, but I’m definitely not ashamed of it anymore. And honestly, I don’t give a single fuck as to how you feel about it, since I don’t see how it’s any of your business who I choose to date.”
As Stephen takes in Jensen’s words, his face changes into an angry mask, and before Jensen can say anything else, the other man lunges forward, and as Jensen instinctively pushes Jared away, Chris and Chad both grab Stephen before he can manage to get to Jensen. And as Stephen tries to break free from the strong arms holding him, he yells at Jensen and Jared with venom in his voice.
“You are a FREAK, Jensen! You both are, you and that man! You are a disgrace to your family, you are fucking disgusting! You should have died instead of turning into this, I’m sure your folks would agree with me!”
Chris mutters ‘that’s it’ and both of them start forcibly dragging Stephen out of the bar, he is still shouting and the pure hate in his eyes has Jensen seriously scared. “You are a shame to your family, Ackles! But you won’t get away with it, you’ll learn your lesson!”
Chris and Chad manage to get Stephen away from them as he keeps yelling, and by that point most eyes are on them. Jensen is glued to the spot, in shock with what just happened and the not so subtle threat in Stephen’s words. He feels Jared’s hand on his shoulder and he instantly turns to his boyfriend, gratefully accepting his arms around his body.
“It’s okay, Jen” Jared whispers on his ear. “That dude is crazy, I think he’s secretly jealous of the gorgeous couple we make.”
Jensen chuckles, trying to hide his distress and how Stephen’s words affected him. Jared walks them back to their table, where the rest of their friends are waiting for them, worried expressions on their faces. Both of them sit down and Jensen wishes he could have a strong drink to ease his nerves. But Jared keeps his arm around him and he’s grateful for his boyfriend’s support.
Chris and Chad return and inform them Stephen has been officially thrown out, and that they told the security not to let him in again. Jensen lets out a deep breath, and everyone looks at him expectantly, clearly wanting an explanation to who that guy was. Jensen quickly explains he’s his cousin and how he was definitely not happy to hear Jensen had a boyfriend, but he doesn’t go further than that.
Thankfully Jared feels how uncomfortable he is, and Jared himself apparently isn’t feeling so good after being yelled at, so he suggests that they call it a night. Their friends are sad to see them leave so soon, but they claim to understand. As they prepare to leave, Chris and Steve suggest they walk them home. Jensen wants to protest, say they are perfectly capable of walking themselves, but the truth is, Stephen might be still close and he’s definitely not kidding around. So Jensen is secretly thankful they are having company on their way home, since he’s a little afraid, specially for Jared’s sake. He would never forgive himself if something happened to him.
When both of them are safely inside their apartment, Jensen sinks down on the couch, followed by Jared, who glues himself to his side.
“Sorry your birthday had to end that way, babe. Your cousin has no idea what he’s talking about. But if he is any indication, no wonder you wanted to escape your family.”
Jensen snorts. “Stephen is a grade A asshole. He’s always been mean to his core, I thought he’d have changed by now but apparently it has gotten worse. I just hope he stays away from us.”
Jared brings Jensen closer to him and places a kiss on his temple. “He will, love. We’re gonna be okay.”
March 1st, 2007
In all these years, I always wondered when your birthday was.
I can’t believe I finally get to celebrate it with you. Happy birthday, Jen.
The next couple of weeks go by uneventfully. Jensen plays more gigs with the band, at Fitzsimons and some other bars around town. He has been doing good at the coffee shop as well, Danneel has helped him a lot, and both of them have become good friends. Danneel confided to Jensen that she had suspected for a long time that Jared might be gay, not only because he turned her down a lot of times, but she just had a feeling, and of course she made sure to tell Jensen that she’s very happy the boys have found each other.
After the fateful meeting with Stephen, Jensen had been shaken up, worried that his cousin could do something to them, and also for throwing in his face that his family would rather see him dead than have a gay son. Jared had noticed Jensen’s mood, so a couple days later he had taken Jensen on a date, to celebrate his birthday in private, as Jared said. They had gone to a nice steak house that Jared claimed was awesome, and it really was. It had been nice to spend a night out with Jared, their first official date (apparently they did everything backwards), and it helped Jensen relax a little. Also, the things they have been doing in bed help a lot.
As Jensen walks home from work, he grins as he remembers those intimate moments he had with Jared in the past weeks, after the first time they both started getting more comfortable with each other and their performances have been improving a lot. Jensen is beat after a long day at the coffee shop, apparently the whole campus decided they needed to stop by today, but everyone survived. Half an hour before clocking out, Jensen had received a text from Jared saying he was stopping by Pizza Hut and getting them dinner on his way home. Jensen’s mouth salivates as he thinks about Jared and pizza waiting for him at home.
When Jensen arrives home though, all the lights are out and that is weird. Jared always makes it home before him. As he unlocks the door and gets into their empty apartment, an uneasy feeling creeps up inside him. Surely there is a logical explanation, something must have held Jared back at the clinic, or the wait is too long at Pizza Hut. He sends a text to Jared, asking how long he’ll take to get home, but there’s no answer. Jensen is too impatient, so he calls his boyfriend after a few minutes, but it goes straight to voicemail. That is even more weird, since Jared doesn’t have an habit of turning his phone off.
Jensen starts to freak out, the uneasiness only growing more and more, so he calls Chris.
“Hey Jenny, what’s up?” Chris picks up after the third ring and Jensen ignores the nickname for now.
“Hey dude, how are you?” Jensen tries to sound cool, not letting the worry in his voice show. “Are you at the clinic? Can I talk to Jared?”
“Jared? I am at the clinic dude, just finishing up some papers before I go, but Jared left about an hour ago, as usual. Thought he’d be home by now.”
Jensen quickly thanks his friend and hangs up, by now he’s freaking out full force. He looks out the window, to both sides of the street, but Jared isn’t anywhere. He tries his phone a few more times, but it’s still turned off. Maybe his battery died and he’s waiting for the pizza, worried for not being able to warn Jensen. That has to be it.
Jensen runs to Pizza Hut, Jared has to be there, it’s the only explanation. Jensen hastily opens the door, scanning the restaurant, but his boyfriend is nowhere to be seen. He approaches the counter and asks the lady at the register if she has seen a guy with Jared’s description, but she tells him nobody looking like that came by in the past hour. Jensen walks out and he feels he’s on the verge of having a panic attack. Jared had told him a little over one hour ago that he’d pick up pizza for them and head straight home, and that he would meet Jensen there, as usual.
Except he didn’t do any of those things and Jensen can’t get a hold of him. So where could he be?
Jensen’s last hope is Chad, maybe by some random miracle he had called Jared and convinced him to meet with him? It’s highly unlikely that Jared would do that without saying anything to Jensen, but at this point Jensen is too far gone to care. So he digs his phone out and after trying to unsuccessfully reach Jared again, he dials Chad’s number.
“Hey Jensen, what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Chad answers with a light tone in his voice, and Jensen braces himself before asking the question.
“Hey Chad…. ugh, I was wondering if maybe Jared is with you?” He tries to sound casual, but fails miserably.
“No, dude… I haven’t talked to Jaybird in a couple days, I’m just here hanging with Soph… why? What’s going on?”
Chad’s voice becomes more sober and Jensen realizes he needs to be honest with Jared’s best friend. He takes a deep breath before voicing it for the first time, his voice wavering as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Chad… Jared is gone.”
Chapter 17