This is insane. Sitting here, I've realized that the last week is a blank to me. Not because of any mind altering substances, but because I've been so freaking busy. Amazing.

It's way too early in the morning for my mind to even be processing things like this, and yet here I am doing exactly that. For the past three and a half year I have been fretting about school. What classes would I take, how hard they would be, when I would graduate. Now that I am getting ready to graduate, I am fretting the real world. Will I ( Read more... )

I think I have realized my problem. I'm too honest with people. I tend to tell people exactly how i feel about somethign, in hopes that my honesty and openness will show them how loyal I am, and actually it simply scares people. I never noticed a pattern until recently. The more I tell people, the more they back away...then soemtimes, I lose ( Read more... )

I am now to the point that I have accepted the final outcome and decision. Now, I have to act the part. Accepting is so much easier, playing the part may be difficult. I know it's not right, never was, but my heart isn't quite there yet. My mind always knew what the outcome would be, but my heart expected another. Can you blame it? I was give ( Read more... )

Thur...really? Planned? kind of. We'll see....

Boy...now this really has me confused! What happened tonight is a sign saying that things are moving in a certain direction. As to what I do with that now, is beyond me. I've participated in this, and my plan is to see it through. I don't know why, but I just feel the need to. Call it right, wrong, weird, sad, whatever. it's just the way i ( Read more... )

Of course! in the midst of this horrible problem I am facing I have forgotten to note that Mr Carter Aaron and Madison McKinley Reed have entered the world! they are now 9 1/2 weeks old...and I couldn't been anymore in love with them. They are everything and more to me....and they are not even mine! :) They belong to our fabulous friends, Todd ( Read more... )

Aghhhh! when does the confusion end? It's been close to three weeks and I am still losing my mind. I'm too vulnerable for this. Too weak. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to give in...but, I do. Will it make it better? or it will it make it worse? Don't play me like a game. You'll win and I'll lose. I'm trying to stay calm and ( Read more... )

I just can't shake the shit that keeps piling on my shoulders. As soon as things start to get a little better, I realize that they really haven't. I'm hoping it's the wheather, and in due time I will start to feel like myself again. I'm tired of being mopey.

I'm just a little tired right now. Tired of people, places and things. Tired of not being happy about something when I should, tired of not being grateful and tired of not being that kind of person that can just sit back and be "chill." Tired of being bored, tired of being busy, tired of wanting things I can't have, Tired of waiting, tired of ( Read more... )