The 7-Day Migraine & Today's Really Good Day
Ai yi yi!
This has been a week from hell! I caught a "cold" -- which now I know was Covid -- right after my outing with Cat. (She and I both had slight symptoms before going out, so we didn't catch it at Viking Days, I think it was from before that, at my doc's office. There was an old lady coughing and I forgot my mask.) But the very minor cold symptoms switched into a migraine the following Monday. I had some sniffles, sneezing, light coughing, but my head felt like someone was scraping sharp glass edges on the inside of my skull on the right side, and behind my right eye! I was getting the "auras" around lights and the whole number.
I knew I'd probably have a couple, maybe even 3 migraines in the next week and a half. I did NOT expect to have 1 migraine that just kept going on and on for days at a time! The power of it waxed and waned, and some days or nights I couldn't do anything except take my meds and lay down in my dark room and endure hours of pain and nausea. Once more, my world shrank down to 4 walls and 1 meal a day.
Today is Day 7.
It's not nearly as bad today, thankfully. Nausea is mostly gone and light doesn't hurt as much. I'm not as weak and shaky now, either. So I'm hoping that it's letting go for a while again. However, I expect that this next summer will bring more migraines because that's what happens now when I'm exposed to the Corona virus. Lucky me! I am kicking myself for not wearing a mask at the doctor's office! I don't worry about it when outdoors, or in areas with a lot of air and high ceilings-- like grocery stores. But anytime I'm in a confined space, I wear my mask usually.
But another big thing happened too besides my migraine loosening up (and hopefully on it's way to ending after a week)...
The Prozac kicked in!
I've been taking it for over a week now (and I made sure it wasn't creating the migraine or making it worse by changing the dose or skipping, and the medication neither harms nor helps a migraine.)
It's so weird to almost feel like a different person! I know it's actually returning me to my non-depressed state, which is supposed to be my normal state, but hasn't been for several months now. I can do things!
I realized I was in bad shape when it became clear that absolutely everything was overwhelming. I could barely function well enough to do the basics, let alone take care of challenges involving Cat, or my sister, or my mother. I'm used to dealing with my chronic illness as well as several competing fun things like PTSD and the rest, but I manage to get on with things just fine most of the time. I have up and down days like anyone. But when everything gets too hard and no game or book or TV show or movie or conversation brings pleasure--? I'm in trouble. That's the anhedonia or dysthemia (mild depression) kicking in.
However, it got worse than that, and quickly. Within a couple of months, I was having crying jags for little reason and started to have those distorted thoughts that turn towards self hatred and wanting to give up completely. As soon as I have 2 days in a row like that--? I know I'm falling. I jumped on St. John's Wort, and it did help. It stopped the suicidal ideation and crying jags, but I couldn't get past that into being more functional.
I discussed it with my therapist (while also setting up therapy for the next year or so) and she said the anxiety would be treated alongside the depression better with Prozac, so at the doctor's I got the prescription. I weaned off SJW before starting up Prozac. I was taking a HIGH level of the herbal medication, 1400mg a day! That's a LOT. And it helped, but not all the way.
Today I woke up feeling... so different. I can MOVE. I am moving. I want to do things. I want to tackle things. I don't feel overwhelmed. Challenged, sure-- but not hopeless about everything. There's a HOPEFULNESS back to my being that just changes absolutely everything!
Last time, a decade ago, it took about 3 days to feel the Prozac kick in. This time, it was more like 8 days, but that migraine probably just whacked my system all to hell, so there was no way to feel it working. Also-- I'm older and I'm sure that makes things take a while longer.
But the difference is stark. That's what amazed me last time, and even now again. I can TELL it's working! My mind and body feel better. And I'm very glad to get myself off that dark rut of trapped hopelessness. Kicking my brain awake is what it feels like-- and I'm grateful I have access to health care thru Medicaid so I can get treatment like this so quickly. I'm grateful to live in a blue state!
Today I want to run some errands and get some things accomplished. I'm going to have to do my best to get shit done while I can if the Migraine Train has arrived for the next few weeks to months! So-- bad news/good news kind of a week. But... *shrug* I got to just do what I can when I can.
But I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER today! It's my first good mood day in several months. I want to wriggle around in joyful dances!
This has been a week from hell! I caught a "cold" -- which now I know was Covid -- right after my outing with Cat. (She and I both had slight symptoms before going out, so we didn't catch it at Viking Days, I think it was from before that, at my doc's office. There was an old lady coughing and I forgot my mask.) But the very minor cold symptoms switched into a migraine the following Monday. I had some sniffles, sneezing, light coughing, but my head felt like someone was scraping sharp glass edges on the inside of my skull on the right side, and behind my right eye! I was getting the "auras" around lights and the whole number.
I knew I'd probably have a couple, maybe even 3 migraines in the next week and a half. I did NOT expect to have 1 migraine that just kept going on and on for days at a time! The power of it waxed and waned, and some days or nights I couldn't do anything except take my meds and lay down in my dark room and endure hours of pain and nausea. Once more, my world shrank down to 4 walls and 1 meal a day.
Today is Day 7.
It's not nearly as bad today, thankfully. Nausea is mostly gone and light doesn't hurt as much. I'm not as weak and shaky now, either. So I'm hoping that it's letting go for a while again. However, I expect that this next summer will bring more migraines because that's what happens now when I'm exposed to the Corona virus. Lucky me! I am kicking myself for not wearing a mask at the doctor's office! I don't worry about it when outdoors, or in areas with a lot of air and high ceilings-- like grocery stores. But anytime I'm in a confined space, I wear my mask usually.
But another big thing happened too besides my migraine loosening up (and hopefully on it's way to ending after a week)...
The Prozac kicked in!
I've been taking it for over a week now (and I made sure it wasn't creating the migraine or making it worse by changing the dose or skipping, and the medication neither harms nor helps a migraine.)
It's so weird to almost feel like a different person! I know it's actually returning me to my non-depressed state, which is supposed to be my normal state, but hasn't been for several months now. I can do things!
I realized I was in bad shape when it became clear that absolutely everything was overwhelming. I could barely function well enough to do the basics, let alone take care of challenges involving Cat, or my sister, or my mother. I'm used to dealing with my chronic illness as well as several competing fun things like PTSD and the rest, but I manage to get on with things just fine most of the time. I have up and down days like anyone. But when everything gets too hard and no game or book or TV show or movie or conversation brings pleasure--? I'm in trouble. That's the anhedonia or dysthemia (mild depression) kicking in.
However, it got worse than that, and quickly. Within a couple of months, I was having crying jags for little reason and started to have those distorted thoughts that turn towards self hatred and wanting to give up completely. As soon as I have 2 days in a row like that--? I know I'm falling. I jumped on St. John's Wort, and it did help. It stopped the suicidal ideation and crying jags, but I couldn't get past that into being more functional.
I discussed it with my therapist (while also setting up therapy for the next year or so) and she said the anxiety would be treated alongside the depression better with Prozac, so at the doctor's I got the prescription. I weaned off SJW before starting up Prozac. I was taking a HIGH level of the herbal medication, 1400mg a day! That's a LOT. And it helped, but not all the way.
Today I woke up feeling... so different. I can MOVE. I am moving. I want to do things. I want to tackle things. I don't feel overwhelmed. Challenged, sure-- but not hopeless about everything. There's a HOPEFULNESS back to my being that just changes absolutely everything!
Last time, a decade ago, it took about 3 days to feel the Prozac kick in. This time, it was more like 8 days, but that migraine probably just whacked my system all to hell, so there was no way to feel it working. Also-- I'm older and I'm sure that makes things take a while longer.
But the difference is stark. That's what amazed me last time, and even now again. I can TELL it's working! My mind and body feel better. And I'm very glad to get myself off that dark rut of trapped hopelessness. Kicking my brain awake is what it feels like-- and I'm grateful I have access to health care thru Medicaid so I can get treatment like this so quickly. I'm grateful to live in a blue state!
Today I want to run some errands and get some things accomplished. I'm going to have to do my best to get shit done while I can if the Migraine Train has arrived for the next few weeks to months! So-- bad news/good news kind of a week. But... *shrug* I got to just do what I can when I can.
But I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER today! It's my first good mood day in several months. I want to wriggle around in joyful dances!