Laughing Over My Shit-show Life
I was telling my abductee friend Natalie in Texas about how my life was going, and it was so awful-- the migraine train, the bullshit with Cat, the crazy with my mother and sister, and how I might lose my affordable living situation-- that she started laughing at how bad it was. I began giggling right with her, because it really is a fucking SHIT SHOW to the point of absurdity!
I'm scared to death.
Laughing over that fear was the best medicine a friend could offer to me right now, honestly. Natalie has been through the wringer and then some, and she needs to have someone as a caregiver sometimes when her health fails, and she has her son. I have... Cat. And Cat is crumbling under the pressure not to be a dick about it!
I only called because I had a weird feeling I was supposed to, and it turned out Natalie was going to call me that day anyways. We sometimes have little long-distance telepathy things like that. It's weird who I have that link to and who I don't. Robin is one. Natalie is another. Jerry is another-- though since the divorce that link has faded to nothing. (I suspect that even if I felt something from him, I wouldn't let it past my self-defense filters!) I've learned to just... go with it and see where the intuition takes me.
She had some stuff to talk about, but I ended up talking the most. I often do! I make fun of myself for it and apologize, but she's just way more polite than I am when it comes to speaking! Still-- she seems to be pleased with our phone friendship, and I'm glad, because her kindness is balm to my soul. I don't have to explain how chronic illness impacts my life because she's got it worse than me most of the time. (She has periods of partial remission like I do as well, and sometimes I'm down when she's better and vice versa.) She's on Disability and has had back surgeries and all kinds of things due to pain and fatigue.
It felt good to vent and not bring her down as well. Her being able to laugh meant that I wasn't hurting her the way Cat hurts me with her negativity. I don't think Cat has ever laughed about shit being horrible. Or at least it's been a very long time...
Thank goodness long-distance phone calls aren't super expensive anymore. Unlimited is beautiful!
I'm scared to death.
Laughing over that fear was the best medicine a friend could offer to me right now, honestly. Natalie has been through the wringer and then some, and she needs to have someone as a caregiver sometimes when her health fails, and she has her son. I have... Cat. And Cat is crumbling under the pressure not to be a dick about it!
I only called because I had a weird feeling I was supposed to, and it turned out Natalie was going to call me that day anyways. We sometimes have little long-distance telepathy things like that. It's weird who I have that link to and who I don't. Robin is one. Natalie is another. Jerry is another-- though since the divorce that link has faded to nothing. (I suspect that even if I felt something from him, I wouldn't let it past my self-defense filters!) I've learned to just... go with it and see where the intuition takes me.
She had some stuff to talk about, but I ended up talking the most. I often do! I make fun of myself for it and apologize, but she's just way more polite than I am when it comes to speaking! Still-- she seems to be pleased with our phone friendship, and I'm glad, because her kindness is balm to my soul. I don't have to explain how chronic illness impacts my life because she's got it worse than me most of the time. (She has periods of partial remission like I do as well, and sometimes I'm down when she's better and vice versa.) She's on Disability and has had back surgeries and all kinds of things due to pain and fatigue.
It felt good to vent and not bring her down as well. Her being able to laugh meant that I wasn't hurting her the way Cat hurts me with her negativity. I don't think Cat has ever laughed about shit being horrible. Or at least it's been a very long time...
Thank goodness long-distance phone calls aren't super expensive anymore. Unlimited is beautiful!