Dora and Ron Drive My Sister All the Way To Heron House
Dora had no idea what to do about my sister. Luckily, I've been in contact with my sister's social workers and care people and they like me and are relieved that I want to take her in! So-- when Dora called Jo, my sister's head social worker person, Jo told her that I already had a plan in place and Erica could live with me.
Whatever she said must have worked, because the provider people set to work to get Erica packed with enough for 2 weeks' stay and Dora and Ron drove my sister up here from the Portland area today!
I knew they were coming, and it was weird, because I gave my phone number to Dora through my sister, but Dora wouldn't call me. Instead, she went through my sister or the social worker. It was not a great beginning if she was THAT eager to avoid directly communicating with me.
So... I took some extra medication for my sky-high anxiety because my entire system went into "FREAK OUT PTSD WAR" mode and my stomach hurt and my digestive system went nuts and I couldn't think and I was trembling uncontrollably.
Don't ya just LOVE crazy anxiety!?
I worried to begin with because I can't afford to feed my sister, so I wasn't sure what to do. But Jo told me on the phone that Dora would give me cash to buy my sister food and whatever else was needed up front, so not to worry about that.
More worrisome--? My sister's money goes directly to my mother's account and my sister has no direct way to access her own money. Worse yet, guess who is on the bank statements and able to access it instead if my mother doesn't--?
Dora.
I only found out when I had my sister hunt down a bank statement so I could figure out what the hell was going on just yesterday! In my mother's piles, the most recent one my sister found was from March.
I mean, I can understand that my mother was getting more forgetful of paying bills and so giving Dora access may have helped, but now I have an extra headache I wasn't anticipating!
Luckily, the medication was working before Dora got here, so I could be calm and clear-headed, if a little spacey! My aunt and uncle pulled up and we got my sister and her luggage out. Cat came out and helped me with Erica's bags, but also with chatting up my aunt, who was actually very polite and even rather personable in response!
Shock of shocks! She didn't act like she couldn't stand me!
Ron, by contrast, refused to even turn his head to LOOK at me, which I couldn't help but notice. However, I don't give even two shits about HIM. I had decided to be very open and sympathetic in my approach to my aunt, and it seems like it worked. She was clearly exhausted. And I realized my getting my sister without even a tiny fight was likely due to Dora being all out of fight. Yep! Mumsie sucked it all right out of her. She updated me on some things, and said that Mumsie wasn't likely to ever go back to her house. She also said she was hiring a cleaning crew to take on the trash pile of a home because it was disgusting to even her (and we both know she's a hoarder too!).
I told her I could come down and stay with friends and help pack the rest of my sister's things, but Dora indicated she wanted it cleared out first before I made the attempt. I'm okay with that, so... *shrug*
She also handed me a couple hundred to buy food for my sister and said she'd be back in early August for a sports game in Seattle anyway, and she'd stop by at that point and we'd see where we were. Again... okay...
I did point to the derelict mobile home and reference the plan for my sister to buy her own Special Care Mobile Home, and Dora brought up that a therapist had said Erica could never live alone. I said the same therapist was the one who signed off on this plan, because my sister wouldn't really be alone, just in a living space of her own with me (and others) very near-by to help. And Jo, the newest social worker, absolutely loves the idea and believes my sister is capable of more independence if away from my mother and given some guidance.
She raised her eyebrows, but declined to argue about it. At least I got it stated, so it's said, and before a witness (Cat)!
When I went over an email from Jo, she told me she'd help me negotiate getting Erica's services transferred to Washington State, and she made it clear that I would be the "payee" for Erica's income, taking that out of Dora's hands at least! That won't happen until it's clear Erica is never returning to her home with my mother, which won't be for another month. I have a little time to adjust to all of this before wading through another nightmare of red tape, which I am dreading.
One of the last things Dora said was that she was looking forward to ALL of this being "Over with...!" and I could tell she meant my mother was relocated to a permanent facility and dealing with the house and Erica and the rest was done.
Or... maybe she meant my mother dying--?
Can't say as how I blame her. I walked away and didn't deal with my mother for the last 20 years, thus dumping Mumsie upon Dora's lap. She acted like she wanted it that way and I didn't know what else to do.
It's weird though. Dora talking to me normally and not avidly avoiding me. I reminded her she had my number and email address and she could contact me at anytime about anything. She nodded thoughtfully to that and sighed and then they left for the long drive back.
I got Erica settled into her room, and her cat as well. Prince is a cutie pie and very affectionate, but he was wigged out naturally.
I think we all are...
Whatever she said must have worked, because the provider people set to work to get Erica packed with enough for 2 weeks' stay and Dora and Ron drove my sister up here from the Portland area today!
I knew they were coming, and it was weird, because I gave my phone number to Dora through my sister, but Dora wouldn't call me. Instead, she went through my sister or the social worker. It was not a great beginning if she was THAT eager to avoid directly communicating with me.
So... I took some extra medication for my sky-high anxiety because my entire system went into "FREAK OUT PTSD WAR" mode and my stomach hurt and my digestive system went nuts and I couldn't think and I was trembling uncontrollably.
Don't ya just LOVE crazy anxiety!?
I worried to begin with because I can't afford to feed my sister, so I wasn't sure what to do. But Jo told me on the phone that Dora would give me cash to buy my sister food and whatever else was needed up front, so not to worry about that.
More worrisome--? My sister's money goes directly to my mother's account and my sister has no direct way to access her own money. Worse yet, guess who is on the bank statements and able to access it instead if my mother doesn't--?
Dora.
I only found out when I had my sister hunt down a bank statement so I could figure out what the hell was going on just yesterday! In my mother's piles, the most recent one my sister found was from March.
I mean, I can understand that my mother was getting more forgetful of paying bills and so giving Dora access may have helped, but now I have an extra headache I wasn't anticipating!
Luckily, the medication was working before Dora got here, so I could be calm and clear-headed, if a little spacey! My aunt and uncle pulled up and we got my sister and her luggage out. Cat came out and helped me with Erica's bags, but also with chatting up my aunt, who was actually very polite and even rather personable in response!
Shock of shocks! She didn't act like she couldn't stand me!
Ron, by contrast, refused to even turn his head to LOOK at me, which I couldn't help but notice. However, I don't give even two shits about HIM. I had decided to be very open and sympathetic in my approach to my aunt, and it seems like it worked. She was clearly exhausted. And I realized my getting my sister without even a tiny fight was likely due to Dora being all out of fight. Yep! Mumsie sucked it all right out of her. She updated me on some things, and said that Mumsie wasn't likely to ever go back to her house. She also said she was hiring a cleaning crew to take on the trash pile of a home because it was disgusting to even her (and we both know she's a hoarder too!).
I told her I could come down and stay with friends and help pack the rest of my sister's things, but Dora indicated she wanted it cleared out first before I made the attempt. I'm okay with that, so... *shrug*
She also handed me a couple hundred to buy food for my sister and said she'd be back in early August for a sports game in Seattle anyway, and she'd stop by at that point and we'd see where we were. Again... okay...
I did point to the derelict mobile home and reference the plan for my sister to buy her own Special Care Mobile Home, and Dora brought up that a therapist had said Erica could never live alone. I said the same therapist was the one who signed off on this plan, because my sister wouldn't really be alone, just in a living space of her own with me (and others) very near-by to help. And Jo, the newest social worker, absolutely loves the idea and believes my sister is capable of more independence if away from my mother and given some guidance.
She raised her eyebrows, but declined to argue about it. At least I got it stated, so it's said, and before a witness (Cat)!
When I went over an email from Jo, she told me she'd help me negotiate getting Erica's services transferred to Washington State, and she made it clear that I would be the "payee" for Erica's income, taking that out of Dora's hands at least! That won't happen until it's clear Erica is never returning to her home with my mother, which won't be for another month. I have a little time to adjust to all of this before wading through another nightmare of red tape, which I am dreading.
One of the last things Dora said was that she was looking forward to ALL of this being "Over with...!" and I could tell she meant my mother was relocated to a permanent facility and dealing with the house and Erica and the rest was done.
Or... maybe she meant my mother dying--?
Can't say as how I blame her. I walked away and didn't deal with my mother for the last 20 years, thus dumping Mumsie upon Dora's lap. She acted like she wanted it that way and I didn't know what else to do.
It's weird though. Dora talking to me normally and not avidly avoiding me. I reminded her she had my number and email address and she could contact me at anytime about anything. She nodded thoughtfully to that and sighed and then they left for the long drive back.
I got Erica settled into her room, and her cat as well. Prince is a cutie pie and very affectionate, but he was wigged out naturally.
I think we all are...