Happy New Year ... a week late!
SO Happy New Years to everyone. Mine was rocky. I found out my uncle Nano died on the 3oth. The same way we have lost so many so amny important pplk!! . I FUCKING LOVE YOU TIO NANO. I dont if anyone knows how much i cried its not that importnt but fuck it ... I LOVE MY TIO NANO ... and he is so fucking so important.
I thought I was strong enough to not think about it and as I told my mom that night was about forgetting, the next day was soon enough to remember. I was at the hospital with Robert and his family. I thought right now was not about me, and I acted as all was well. I thought I would be fine until I had to deal with my family. I did excellant. I hung out with Rob, Bri and Albert drinking, laughing and popping fire works with them. We all had a good time. And all was great. BUt that evening I had to tell my TIO NANO good by eforever. .... It is what it is .... I need you tio Nano ... I need you to tell me that your bros and sisi are asses and I need you tell me how smart I am ..... I FUCKINH NEED YOU TIO NANO!!
I made it as far as downtown and rung in the new year with the rest of the city and after that I was an emotional wreck half crying, half laughing .... later on while talking to my mom I cried a lot, and the rest of the week I cried half the days and battled my allergies the rest of the days.
So here is to you tio Nano, I love you, I miss you, and I still hate your side of the family. Ok take it back I do not hate them, I just don't agree with a lot of the shit they do. They loved you, in their way they love my and my siblings ... I just hate that they do not ackowledge my cousin Yvonne, her father is dead but seriously how dare they deny her an acceptance even at his death its horrible. It makes me think that at my fathers death, knocking on wood here, that they would not acknowledge my sister Genievie, I dont know her, but she is his daughter get what I'm saying. Anyways we were there, and everyone wanted to be related and accept and whatever and all I could think was of all of them I loved my Tio Nano the best. And thats what I told him when I said my goodbye I loved him the best. I did not cry at his wake or his funeral, I waited until I was around just my mother and once alone with her I cried and sobbed all my sorrow, and she hugged me and comforted me and said all those things only a mom can say to make you feel better.
The whole thing just left me feeling so empty. When my grandfather died, I was sad and depressed and adrift for a bit but I wasn't empty. My Tio Nano's death left an emptiness, that just seems some days too hard to fill and others, well its easier other days. The hardest thing is that my mom cries, and she aches and she misses her Hero. I understand. And its painful and acute and most days I am good but others I just want to curl up next to her and cry, the way I did the first week. He was the only one that stuck up for my mom with my dads family and he was the only the one that was there when they all disappeared and encouraged and well he was there for me. They weren't but he was and well now he isn't. It is hard and sad and painful.
Anyways, its been a hard new year, too many tears, to many memories, and dealing with not just my grief but that of my mother's and my siblings, and his son, whom I don't know that well. And the worst part is knowing he is gone.
I thought I was strong enough to not think about it and as I told my mom that night was about forgetting, the next day was soon enough to remember. I was at the hospital with Robert and his family. I thought right now was not about me, and I acted as all was well. I thought I would be fine until I had to deal with my family. I did excellant. I hung out with Rob, Bri and Albert drinking, laughing and popping fire works with them. We all had a good time. And all was great. BUt that evening I had to tell my TIO NANO good by eforever. .... It is what it is .... I need you tio Nano ... I need you to tell me that your bros and sisi are asses and I need you tell me how smart I am ..... I FUCKINH NEED YOU TIO NANO!!
I made it as far as downtown and rung in the new year with the rest of the city and after that I was an emotional wreck half crying, half laughing .... later on while talking to my mom I cried a lot, and the rest of the week I cried half the days and battled my allergies the rest of the days.
So here is to you tio Nano, I love you, I miss you, and I still hate your side of the family. Ok take it back I do not hate them, I just don't agree with a lot of the shit they do. They loved you, in their way they love my and my siblings ... I just hate that they do not ackowledge my cousin Yvonne, her father is dead but seriously how dare they deny her an acceptance even at his death its horrible. It makes me think that at my fathers death, knocking on wood here, that they would not acknowledge my sister Genievie, I dont know her, but she is his daughter get what I'm saying. Anyways we were there, and everyone wanted to be related and accept and whatever and all I could think was of all of them I loved my Tio Nano the best. And thats what I told him when I said my goodbye I loved him the best. I did not cry at his wake or his funeral, I waited until I was around just my mother and once alone with her I cried and sobbed all my sorrow, and she hugged me and comforted me and said all those things only a mom can say to make you feel better.
The whole thing just left me feeling so empty. When my grandfather died, I was sad and depressed and adrift for a bit but I wasn't empty. My Tio Nano's death left an emptiness, that just seems some days too hard to fill and others, well its easier other days. The hardest thing is that my mom cries, and she aches and she misses her Hero. I understand. And its painful and acute and most days I am good but others I just want to curl up next to her and cry, the way I did the first week. He was the only one that stuck up for my mom with my dads family and he was the only the one that was there when they all disappeared and encouraged and well he was there for me. They weren't but he was and well now he isn't. It is hard and sad and painful.
Anyways, its been a hard new year, too many tears, to many memories, and dealing with not just my grief but that of my mother's and my siblings, and his son, whom I don't know that well. And the worst part is knowing he is gone.