i'm a great burning lament. + songs for matthew & mary
I'm back! Summer was crazy, and I need a new layout, and I hope everyone on my f-list is doing wonderful, and on top of all of this I bring gifts!
Ever since the premiere last week of Downton Abbey these two have TAKEN OVER MY LIFE. I had been contemplating a mix for them probably as early as the summer and nothing really clicked with me. Then this one song came along, followed by the premiere last week, and it was like everything fell into place.
I've always loved Matthew and Mary, but it wasn't until the series two premiere that I went, 'OMG THEY'RE MAKING THEM INTO THIS SWEEPING TRAGIC BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY,' and that idea stuck. So this mix is based soley around one single episode. Of course it harkens back to days past for them, and possibly days to come, but at it's heart and soul every piece eccentuates the angst, the pain, the fear, the loss, and the love experienced between them at present.
There are eighteen tracks here. I thought about cutting it down, but it would have been simply for purposes of length because I believe wholeheartedly that each of these songs has a special meaning to this mix. It worked out perfectly balance wise as well, which you'll see when I explain the POVs I was going for. It was completely unplanned so I knew I couldn't cut anything after discovering it.
Be warned: when I say these songs are about pain and loss I mean it. Don't expect upbeat and uptempo. Angst is the major factor here because 2.01 is our reference point. Pain and love lost always make for the best mixes, anyway right? ;) Now, onto layout!
The mix is laid out in three distinct parts. Effectively you have three separate EPs that also work together as one whole lyrically and musically:
001. Mary's POV
From the news of the engagement to that moment where she says a prayer for Matthew, the first seven songs reflect Mary's point of view. The first song is an introduction of sorts to Mary in the first episode of series two. It's not completely from Mary's POV, but partly from third-person. It sets the stage for the following six songs, and explains who Mary is as we find her at the start of this series. Matthew is leaving her -- both metaphorically and literally. Metaphorically, his heart has left her the minute she hears of the engagement. They've been apart two years, but this is the first she's heard of him legitimately moving on. Yes, he's still there, happy they're friends, but it's not the same because she knows beyond any shadow of a doubt that it's over now. She does want to be his friend, and she tries SO hard, but it's difficult at the same time because it hurts her like nothing has ever hurt her before really. She's heartbroken, a bit lost, and still so very in love and yet she feels that Matthew has moved on. There's even a tinge of guilt contained in this music, because she blames herself for what happened between them, and on his return to Downton she finds she still can't shake any of her feelings, much as she might try to convince her family. Matthew is also leaving her in a literal sense. This is a man who is a soldier in war. He has left before and he's leaving again, and Mary is terrified for his safety. So she has to see him one more time before he leaves, and at the train station he asks her to watch over his mother and fiancee if anything should happen to him, and again, like the night before, she just can't acknowledge that possibility to him because she's got to be strong -- for him. For herself. But her eyes fill with tears and she gives him her lucky charm and demands he come back safe and sound, and we know that whether he's coming back for her or not she'll wait for him; because she needs him to be safe, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't love her in that way anymore because she loves him.
002. Matthew & Mary, both POVs
The mid-way point of the mix are four songs from the point of view of both Mary and Matthew. It's about the dream of falling in love and things not working out; it's about how you feel when all you want is the person you love to feel the same way about you, or inversely to feel the pain that you feel when you are no longer together, and the frustration that comes when it seems as though they don't feel the pain quite so acutely as you still feel it (if they ever felt it at all). It's about the heart-wrenching regret of having made a decision to let the one you love go, knowing you were wrong, only to find they've found someone else; and finally, it's about the irony between the pain at watching the one you love walk away, coupled with this tragic fascination and wonder of the spirit they leave behind with you as they go; one that never really goes away. For all of the facades between these two -- that they are friends, things are worked out and a friendship has begun anew -- there are clearly things left unsaid and feelings still felt furiously treading underneath, screaming to break free if only they could be honest with themselves and more importantly, each other. Only then will they truly be whole.
003. Matthew's POV
As with Mary, the final seven songs reflect Matthew's point of view. However, I would like to note that I wanted to start Matthew's EP with a story also. It's a distinct break to signify his part of the mix. The first song is not from his POV, but from an outsider's POV on Matthew, and while the first song does not relate directly to Mary, I feel like it was such a lovely set-up for him, because this song IS Matthew at present; so much so that it actually makes me want to weep when I hear it, and I hope it does the same for you. THIS is his story: bloody. sacred. truth and lie. One of the things that strikes me so closely this year is that Matthew is so war-torn, haunted, broken, and strong even though he is so deeply frightened at his core; he's the same but new. His story is alive. Moving and shaping itself in such a beautiful way.
In series one Matthew refers to life at Downton as "living in a dream," and ultimately he finds his dream shattered by the end of the series, both by losing Mary and the start of the war. These songs seek to explore him through the idea of dreams had and dreams lost, particularly relating to Mary. The second song harkens back to his declaration that he's leaving Downton and Mary, his dream, behind in the series one finale. It also begins the notion that he has to move on, but at the same time he cannot forget his dreams because at heart he is a dreamer still. Now, two years later, he's seen the world in an entirely new light from the war front, so Downton again becomes the thing of dreams for him; a place of solace, away from the nightmare of war, and ultimately the threat of death. When he sees Mary again, while it is a sort of awkward situation for them both, I also firmly believe it was a "return to the dream", so to speak. Much like Mary, he believes it's over between them; he has a fiancee, which he does seem to love; after all, he has to move on sometime, but in an instant of seeing Mary again, there is a renewal of that connection between them that is like nothing they've ever felt, and though they both try to move on (or act as though they're doing so), for me there's always a question behind Matthew's eyes, a wish still that things didn't have to be over. If he could do it all over he would STILL choose Mary. He is genuinely glad that he and Mary are friends, his wish is for her to be happy, to have found what she was looking for those two years ago, and this is most reflected in the second to last track. However, we end on a hopeful note, as I so often like to do. Because while he claims to have moved on, there's no denying that she's the one he connects with on the deepest level; the one he looks to, after two years and says, "I trust you to take care of these important people in my life," because he knows deep down that he most likely is not going to make it out of the war, and he's downright terrified, and the person he goes to seeking some kind of peace is Mary. She's the one he trusts, the one he loves still in spite of himself, the one he needs and believes in, and the one he would want to be there in the end, regardless of what has happened before. She always was and still is his dream.
I'm a Great Burning Lament.
Songs for Matthew & Mary
Another Little Hole • Aqualung
No need to tell her she knows that
There's another little hole in her heart.
Each day, each dollar she knows
It tears another little hole in her heart.
Cause she feels it happen no doubt that
There's another little hole in her heart.
Someone Like You • Adele
Never mind, I'll find someone like you;
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg.
"I'll remember", you said.
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead.
Swans • Unkle Bob
I want you to know that I can't let you go
And you're never coming home again
And you're never coming home again
By my side
You'll never be.
Now the One You Once Loved Is Leaving • Lydia
And are you wondering how things could be?
Just staring at the surface
When all the walls have tendencies
But it's not your fault
When no one taught you how
And now the one you once loved is leaving.
Get Me Standing • Rue Royale
Would you dare, would you dare
Pretend to know me when I stare?
When I'm sleeping point at me,
Point your finger directly
Pen it down as if it were true,
All that you accuse.
Alone Apart • The Swell Season
We're sailing, sailing every night
We're drifting, drifting alone apart.
Not to show that we're in need,
But I'd heal your wounds if you bleed.
Lady • The Battle of Land and Sea
I'll be your lady in waiting.
I'll wait for you.
Mr. Gaunt Pt 1000 • Soap & Skin
I fell in love with you
But I know that's just a sky;
I don't know where I go.
I Wanted You To Feel the Same • The Radio Dept.
It breaks my heart to say that when I was in pain
I wanted you to feel the same;
But nothing gets you really
It's a shame,
I can't believe you didn't feel a thing.
Wedding/Funeral • Anchor & Braille
I'm a great burning lament to this day,
But I realize now you're in a better place;
Hands will tremble
As you're lowered down the aisle,
But you won't look at me
Not so much as smile.
I want to stand up and speak my peace
And let your hollow pieces walk away.
Enchanting Ghost • Sufjan Stevens
Don't carry on carrying efforts: Don't go.
Stay with me until I sleep within your host;
Or if it pleases you to leave me, just go.
Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost.
Penelope No. 14: As He Looks Out to Sea • Sarah Kirkland Snider
It moves like a live thing in his hands;
The story, his story.
Bloody and sacred, truth and lie,
The story, his story.
Walking On Stones • The New Frontiers
If I followed you down,
With my feet on the ground,
Could you save me from my disbelief?
Cause we've been walking on stones,
With a chill in our bones,
Now the water is creeping up on me.
Are We Really Through • Ray Lamontagne
Don't dispel me girl,
Just tell me,
Are we really through?
Sway • The Perishers
You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away,
And then tricked them back into me
You saved me, I was almost dead.
Never • Doveman
You can never hide your heart
Don't ever try;
And if you don't give your heart wings
you'll never learn to fly.
Hope You Found It Now • Jason Walker
What was it inside you that love never satisfied?
The thin thread that held you, how did it come untied?
The grace you only ran from, the bridges that you burned
The peace of mind you learned to live without
I hope you found it now.
And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop • James Vincent McMorrow
And there are times I know when I will have to chase you;
The further from my side you go, the longing grows,
And though I hate this, I'll still want you.
Then in the forest I made my home
Lay down on hard and ancient stone;
And if my heart should somehow stop
I'll hang on to the hope
That you're not too late.
DL. // CURRENTLY UPLOADING TO 8TRACKS.
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