there's blood on our hands + a mix for (matthew&mary)
I’ve done it again. A ship has bewitched me, and I’m making mixes for them. One of these days I’ll actually update with something other than an artistic pursuit, though I hope nobody minds. Since some people are still awaiting Series Two of Downton Abbey I’ll expound more under the cut!
ABOUT.
At the start of Series Two I made a mix based around episode one. On deciding to make this mix I decided that I wanted each to serve as its own entity, but to also connect to each other as well, be it through music or lyrics or both. It was also a very interesting prospect to see just how the theme and tone of the music changed once we’d experienced Matthew & Mary’s story for Series Two. Who knew that things would get angstier than 2.01? The finale was painful, but I loved it. That said, I gave a warning then that the music was angst ridden, and to beware, but I can honestly say I am now giving that very same warning for this mix, ten-fold.
I wanted to focus on the state of Matthew and Mary where we last see them, at the graveyard, seemingly ending things for good. However, what I really wanted to hone in on was Matthew’s line, which while some didn’t like it, I devoured with my tragic ship loving heart: “We killed her…we’re cursed, you and I.” I’ve reflected on it time and again, and in working on this mix, hoped to bring an entirely new dimension to the line.
In the show, Matthew is clearly referring to the fact that his and Mary’s kiss caused Lavinia to give up fighting her illness, and therefore she dies because of it. In his overwhelming guilt he feels there’s blood on their hands. For the mix I wanted to take that idea and apply it right back into Mary and Matthew’s relationship, to examine the idea from another angle, because I feel like the cruel irony of the situation is that if there is any “blood” on their hands, it is that of their relationship. None of it requires laying blame, because I feel like their actions are completely sympathetic, so while they might not always be “right” in their words or actions, I can’t blame them for the way they react. Many times they come about due to the society they live in. But nonetheless, because of the things they won’t say, or can’t say, because they are stubborn, because they hide their true feelings due to honor or because of the feelings of others; because of things they can’t see, because of guilt, in the end they only end up cursing themselves; and isn’t that the greatest tragedy of all? The inability to just be honest with each other, for whatever reason, robs them of the one thing they want more than anything else time and again.
So undoubtedly, while this mix reflects the emotions on the surface: guilt, loss, pain, and sadness, among others, I hope it also takes on another layer to reflect the state of the relationship as it is once they’ve finally ended things.
Just as the 2.01 mix was divided into various sections and point of views (though as always I hope the songs fit everyone in some way in the end), I wanted to parallel the music here to serve as the other bookend. There are five parts to this mix all outlined by some sort of imagery; many times seasonal, and often haunting, thus reflecting the states of our protagonists. They are: The Prelude (the state of the relationship at the graveyard), songs related to Mary and her point of view of herself and the relationship as of the graveyard scene, songs about the relationship which could come from either point of view, songs related to Matthew and his point of view of himself and the relationship as of the graveyard scene, and finally the Coda; the bookend within a bookend as it were. It brings the mix full circle, from the prelude when all hope is lost and we hear, “we buried our love in the wintery grave” to the finale which ends in a triumphant swell of strings and the music proclaims, “it's the first day of spring, and my life is starting over again. The trees grow, the river flows, and its water will wash away my sins,” and we know that through the trials they are made stronger, hope is reignited, and ultimately “like a cut down tree, [they] will rise again and be bigger and stronger than ever before.”
there's blood on our hands
a mix for
(matthew&mary)
P R E L U D E.
t h e . i c e . i s .g e t t i n g .t h i n n e r .†. (d e a t h . c a b . f o r . c u t i e) *
we buried our love in the wintery grave
a lump in the snow was all that remained.
but we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks,
and the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak.
M A R Y.
t h e . d i v e r .†. (g r a v e n h u r s t)
i am never frightened no i am never afraid
and you will never understand the lengths i go to light your way
see, left behind on my own
i have the ghosts of autumn murders walk me home.
see the girl on the shore;
my ideal, nothing more.
t h e . s h r i n e / a n . a r g u m e n t .†. (f l e e t . f o x e s)
i'm not one to ever pray for mercy
or to wish on pennies in the fountain or the shrine
but that day you know i left my money
and i thought of you only
all that copper glowing fine
and i wonder what became of you
what became of you...
j u s t . o n c e .†. (d m . s t i t h)
what did I say? oh God, what did i say?
and what did you want, what did you want?
what did you want?
a life in the dark?
a life in the dark?
and what is done, i can't leave it alone.
p a u s e .†. (e m i l y . b a r k e r. & . t h e. r e d .c l a y . h a l o)
who am i now without your love?
who am i alone in a day that has gone?
without your love to return upon
i am a featherless bird in a sky so absurd.
why oh why's there so much movement?
when all i long for is to lay down in love's pause
and dream i know something of truth.
oh hide me deeper in your peace further
and lose me in this greed i've found in your need.
M A T T H E W . & . M A R Y.
w e . . e x c h a n g e d . w o r d s .†. (a z u r e . r a y)
we exchanged words
through smoke-filled mouths,
and then we found our bodies speaking loud;
and our hearts pressed against the flesh,
trading stories of love's pain. doubt.
and rivaling insecurities
when did we learn to speak without words and in tongues?
maybe we should just stop here.
m a g i c . r a b b i t .†. (m y . b r i g h t e s t . d i a m o n d) **
i had a magic that could sing;
maybe i took her from her mother too early,
she never came out of recovery.
even on summer days she'd complain
she couldn't take the chill out of her bones.
t h e r e , . t h e r e .†. (j o n . f o r e m a n)
why so green and lonely...
lonely, lonely?
heaven sent you to me...
to me, to me.
we are accidents waiting to happen.
M A T T H E W.
s o r r o w i n g . m a n .†. (c i t y . a n d . c o l o u r)
there's blood on our hands.
in this perfect madness you're living on borrowed time.
oh, how you have lost your way.
b l i n d s i d e d .†. (b o n . i v e r)
i crouch like a crow,
contrasting the snow,
for the agony, I'd rather know.
'Cause blinded, I am blindsided.
peek in,
into the peer in,
i'm not really like this,
i'm probably plightless.
e x i l e . v i l i f y .†. (t h e . n a t i o n a l)
exile.
it takes your mind again.
you've got sucker's luck.
have you given up?
does it feel like a trial?
does it trouble your mind,
the way you trouble mine?
d e a d . r i v e r .†. (l o n e . w o l f)
i'm a cough-drop on a hill-top.
shadows to the east of my design.
and i won't come home again
now the air is sourer than a mortuary morning,
but we're not dead yet. no...
we were alive like the rivers in the springtime.
overflow, overflow.
o u t . o f . t h e . w a l l s .†. (t o m . m c r a e)
wake up, love
think i've lost control.
the shadows are on the march
i can't fight them all.
'cause it comes out of the walls...
it comes out of the walls,
and takes me down love, down love,
down to the ground.
C O D A.
t h e . f i r s t . d a y s . o f . s p r i n g .†. (n o a h . & . t h e . w h a l e)
it's the first day of spring
and my life is starting over again
the trees grow, the river flows,
and its water will wash away my sins.
for i do believe that everyone has one chance
to fuck up their lives,
but like a cut down tree, i will rise again
and i'll be bigger and stronger than ever before;
for i'm still here hoping that one day you may come back.
DL. // CURRENTLY UPLOADING TO 8TRACKS.
+ Change hxxp to http
+ Comments are better than cake. Especially comments post-listening!
+ Let me know if there are any problems or if you have any questions.
+ ENJOY!
f o o t n o t e s
* This song is found on SO many mixes it's crazy (really...has anyone not heard it?). I fought with myself about using it for that reason, but in the end I decided it fit what I was trying to accomplish too perfectly for me to cut it. That being said, I believe this song is one of the most brilliant things penned by Ben Gibbard so it's really no wonder people love it so dearly.
** Basically, Magic Rabbit is ONE BIG METAPHOR. Lyrically, it's one of those songs you hear the first time and go, "What does that even mean?" I heard it the first time, and while simultaneously echoing that very sentiment I went, "This is one of the mostly hauntingly beautiful things I've ever heard." The dark, chilling tone of the song musically is paired with such haunting, almost visceral imagery lyrically, however, it's clear it shouldn't be taken literally. It's all about 'who' or 'what' this "Magic Rabbit" represents. In this context I attribute it to a relationship. The relationship ("the magic"), no matter how beautiful or rich ("I had a magic that would sing / and boy, oh boy was she a pretty thing"), when exposed to too much stress or strained prematurely, before having the chance to grow and mature between the two parties involved, or alternatively, before having time to recover from one blow before sustaining another, ultimately cannot hold up under the weight ("Maybe I took her from the mother too early / She never came out of recovery"). The relationship at such a young age falters and begins to fade. In this sense I feel like this song summarizes perfectly where Matthew and Mary are right at this moment. While they have had a relationship for six years give or take, it's still young in the sense that it's never been given a chance to blossom and mature fully (i.e. Not their relationship in general, but them being together in a romantic sense "exclusively"). From Series One when we have the huge misunderstanding between them over the proposal, to two years of separation, to what I picture this particular song to encompass: the realization by Matthew that Mary is still in love with him, to that dance and the kiss full of hope a few months later, followed immediately by Lavinia's death, there is just always something present there (be it an event, a misunderstanding, etc.) to take "the magic" from them too early, to keep them from progressing, right when their relationship is on the cusp of finally becoming what they want it to be. I don't usually give my reasoning for choosing specific pieces (and this probably made no sense), but this one was really interesting to me because it's so ambiguous. Of course, I always want people to make their own interpretations as well, so take what you will from the song. ;)