I'm stranded by the side of the bed
"Hey there love, let's get to catching up.
Cause I been thinking those thoughts
That must have slipped my mind
That time that I left you there that night."
I replied, "Let me remind you of the guy
You failed to mention all along.
Cause your actions have consequences and these are them."
I'll be your friend in hell, until the I despise you.
And I probably always will.
I can't afford to make another mistake like you.
Cause this is more than I can take.
I don't mean to leave angry, this is by your own devise.
I'm sure this comes as no surprise.
-- Little bit of Starting Line for anyone who cares. A little bitter, I know. But I'm bitter right now. Deal.
I would say I'm tired of doing this, but I know you're tired of hearing it. I know you're tired of me explaning how heartbroken and lonely and sad and depressed I am. So I'm not going to talk about it. But this has gotten to the point where it's not fair you can complain about the same things over and over again...but I can't. Maybe you don't want to listen to me anymore because you think I want to feel like this; and I won't lie, maybe right now I do. Maybe right now hurting is the only thing that gets me through the day because there's no one here to make me feel any other way. That sounds stupid and dependent, but I know that I can't make myself better. And I know that I should change that but right now I'm too afraid to. I just want you to understand that.
They say that there are certain things that can stress someone out and that stress can in turn make someone depressed. I've gone through the list. And up until this point in my life, I've gone through every stressful event that can happen to someone my age. You don't want me to be depressed but I don't see anything worth being happy for. Not because the world sucks, but because I suck and I know it. I spent my entire life making other people think that I was an amazing friend, and amazing girlfriend, an amazing daughter. I was an amazing person.... but I'm only being who I need to be in order for you to think those things of me.
I only wanted you to listen to the words I wasn't saying, but I understand that's too selfish of me and you have things going on in your life that I stopped being sensitive to. I will make sure that I ask before I spill my guts to you.
Have a good night everyone. And if it makes you feel any better, there's someone out there who think's you're beautiful, even if you dont see it that way.