I can't say a word.
I'm feeling very confused. Yes, that is a simple way to say it.
Confused.
There are so many conflicting feelings trying to find their place.
I've lost all sanity, completely. I'm losing it.
I don't trust anyone completely.
I sat there today on the swing set, thoughts kept running thru my head.
Like why do I even try to love? Why even bother? I know it's going to end. & it's probably going to hurt.
Why should I even let myself fall for Frankie?
Maybe it will be beautiful. But it will die.
Everything dies. Nothing lasts but pain.
Pain is eternal. It doesn't go away.
I can't say a word...
about this pain, not a word to anyone
It won't come out
I'm sick of it! I'm sick of feeling it every minute of every day!
Just fucking fed up.
So why do I want to go there again?
Knowing that it will end just like this.
I'll go & get attached,
Thinking maybe
Just maybe
This will last
Well it won't!
Nothing will
Everything changes
I'm so scared
I don't adjust easily
Things hurt me more than they should because I have no walls, no defenses.
So what do I do?
What the hell do I do now?
I'm breaking down again
I'm falling & there's nothing below
I'm coming apart
And there's not a damn thing anyone can do
I won't say a word...