I'll take the truth at any cost.

[lovelike_arazor]

I wanna believe him when he says he loves me, but you know, he's said it so many times about so many girls. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I wish I could really read his mind. We joke about it, but I wanna do it for real. I just wanna know that I'm not wasting my time or my heart if he's just gonna do shit behind my back. Cuz I won't lie, it hurts. I try not to worry about it, cuz there's no way I can stop it, but it hurts. And it's not like he'd tell me about it. I'd have to find out. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he'd confess himself. But he never has in the past.

But I fucking love him. I know my feelings are real. I just don't wanna be hurt again. Am I asking too much? Wanting to know? I don't think I am. I don't know how to talk to him about it though. I mean, I don't want him thinking I'll leave and I don't want him to get mad at me and leave. He says he's scared of me leaving him, but is he? Or is this part of the game? It feels like a game sometimes. I'm happy, yeah. I am. But I'm a little scared. Cuz I know he can tear me apart. And he has before.

I know I mean it when I say I won't leave him. I know that I mean it when I say I won't love anyone else. But the big question is, does he?

I said I'd believe in God if me and him work out. & I will. Please, I just want this one thing to go right for me. Maybe I'll even start praying now. All I know is that I love him. Am I asking too much? Please, I just want this one thing.