Overkill
well it happened.
it always does.
the world fell apart once again. i worked, had another mom day. im picking up on the routine of saying hi to the kid then to the mother then promptly giving an "aww" sound and asking how old. then, if still in the same area, ask about likes and dislikes, talking yet? sleeping through the night? it's great fun.
then the docs. she's pretty great. im a huge fan. shes about 50 something but acts 30 in a non obnoxious way.she gave me more pills, as always, and a few books to pick up, HOMEWORK! but i left feeling pretty great as i always do. but as soon as i came home. it was gone. i talked to the director of nursing at the community college i plan on going to and basically the timeline i formed in my head was super wrong. and the appropriate one is miserable.
it goes like this:
spring '07 take two classes
summer 07 take on class
fall 07 apply to nursing program again (although im pretty much in already)but take no classes- it's like another semester off. this is the shitty part. why would i want to take more time off and delay this even more? its a matter of deadlines and stupid shit. i hate it.
spring 08 start nursing classes
fall 08 able to get a part time nursing job
spring 09 finish school.
summer 09 move to clays school. (ha maybe)
basically everythings delayed alot and i hate it. and i hate that stupid fall semester in between. thats shit. i basically freaked the fuck out and went into my bed (whcih im not allowed to do becaus eim doing this stupid sleep study) and sobbed. i had to get out of my house so i ran some errands for clays box (im sending him shit) and then went to the bookstore and the gym. wherei killed myself for two hours. half crying during part of it. i increased all my weights and reps and times- basically so much adrenaline i over did it. now it hurts to move and im just tired and frustrated but at least calmed down. i have to accept this new school scenario it just sucks a lot. clay of course doesnt mind. he says hell just work around here until im done. no rush. just wants me to be happy. blah blah stupid perfect stuff. it just frustrates me more that when i email him im so emotional and pissed and sad and then i get the occasional email back thats alll happy and lovely. i feel like a bad girlfriend. i think he gets it though. im just scared hell have enough of me. i wouldnt blame him.
i just bought tickets to wicked in march. i guess theres some drama kid still in me. itll be me and my parents on my moms birthday- woohoo hot friday night. i have a feeling that will be the night clay will come home. yah im pretty sure of it. things just work that way.
the head is still throbbing. its time to pass out.i miss having a sense of direction in life. of having dreams and goals and wants. im sick of this "doing what it takes to get by"
it always does.
the world fell apart once again. i worked, had another mom day. im picking up on the routine of saying hi to the kid then to the mother then promptly giving an "aww" sound and asking how old. then, if still in the same area, ask about likes and dislikes, talking yet? sleeping through the night? it's great fun.
then the docs. she's pretty great. im a huge fan. shes about 50 something but acts 30 in a non obnoxious way.she gave me more pills, as always, and a few books to pick up, HOMEWORK! but i left feeling pretty great as i always do. but as soon as i came home. it was gone. i talked to the director of nursing at the community college i plan on going to and basically the timeline i formed in my head was super wrong. and the appropriate one is miserable.
it goes like this:
spring '07 take two classes
summer 07 take on class
fall 07 apply to nursing program again (although im pretty much in already)but take no classes- it's like another semester off. this is the shitty part. why would i want to take more time off and delay this even more? its a matter of deadlines and stupid shit. i hate it.
spring 08 start nursing classes
fall 08 able to get a part time nursing job
spring 09 finish school.
summer 09 move to clays school. (ha maybe)
basically everythings delayed alot and i hate it. and i hate that stupid fall semester in between. thats shit. i basically freaked the fuck out and went into my bed (whcih im not allowed to do becaus eim doing this stupid sleep study) and sobbed. i had to get out of my house so i ran some errands for clays box (im sending him shit) and then went to the bookstore and the gym. wherei killed myself for two hours. half crying during part of it. i increased all my weights and reps and times- basically so much adrenaline i over did it. now it hurts to move and im just tired and frustrated but at least calmed down. i have to accept this new school scenario it just sucks a lot. clay of course doesnt mind. he says hell just work around here until im done. no rush. just wants me to be happy. blah blah stupid perfect stuff. it just frustrates me more that when i email him im so emotional and pissed and sad and then i get the occasional email back thats alll happy and lovely. i feel like a bad girlfriend. i think he gets it though. im just scared hell have enough of me. i wouldnt blame him.
i just bought tickets to wicked in march. i guess theres some drama kid still in me. itll be me and my parents on my moms birthday- woohoo hot friday night. i have a feeling that will be the night clay will come home. yah im pretty sure of it. things just work that way.
the head is still throbbing. its time to pass out.i miss having a sense of direction in life. of having dreams and goals and wants. im sick of this "doing what it takes to get by"