Jaejoong's Lyric Verse 15/?
J a e j o o n g ’ s L y r i c
Author: love_cassiopeia (Cindy)
Summary: Jaejoong - a poor yet talented musician with an impossible dream. Yunho - An SM producer who could make Jaejoong’s unreal dream come true. They needed each other to succeed, and they were delighted they had met that magical day. But, will love get in the way of dreams? Will the two be captured by love rather than work? Only his song will tell.
Group: TVXQ/Dong Bang Shin Ki
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own the five members, I’m simply borrowing them.
Warnings: Yaoi/slash, smut, language, some angst
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairings: YunJae | YunChun (2U/To-You)
Length: 3,918 words
Verse fifteen : Doubt
Book Cover | Movie Poster | Promo 1 |
J a e j o o n g ’ s L y r i c
Verse 15: Doubt
Verse 15: Doubt
What was life going to be like without him? Would it be any different? Would it be painful now that he wasn’t here? Would it be unbearable? But no matter how devastating it would be, you promised yourself one thing: you vowed that you would get through this courageously-no matter how brutal or unbearable it would eventually become.
Leaving the train station hesitantly, you arrive back at your apartment (actually, Yunho’s apartment) momentarily due to the speedy local busses. You had refused to depart from your current home and return to your previous apartment due to sentimental issues-so you informed Yunho that you would be staying at his apartment for a bit longer until you were able to find a new place. You didn’t know why you couldn’t return to your previous home, but a part of you suggested that it was because of the bitter memories. You don’t want to relive the months where you spent your days alone, fatigued, and trapped in your lonely apartment. You don’t want to remember how it felt to study for exams and prepare for auditions-all alone. So instead, you chose an alternative. You chose to stay at Yunho’s apartment, where good instead of bad memories came back to you.
He had left all his furniture here in the house-his piano, his CDs-everything. The only things he took along with him were his clothes, toiletries, and money-and oh, half of your heart, let’s not forget.
Laying yourself onto the spongy mattress, you stare up at the ceiling-speechless at what had happened in the previous 48 hours. You were so fatigued-even a little sick to think of what fate had maliciously loaded on top of the two of you. You saw no reason why this had to happen-no purpose, no point. Was fate merely teasing you? Was it mocking you?
Putting an end to your mindless questioning, you sit up on the bed rapidly and enclose your two knees in-between your elbows. You scan across the room curiously-wondering if there was anything to entertain you for the moment. In no time at all, your eyes located themselves upon a beige photo album-sitting far off in the corner of the small bedside table by the wall. Without warning, you pick up the heavy material and flip the book open.
As expected, the album was filled with millions of pictures of Yunho. Him and his friends; him and his family… You decide to flip through the album eagerly, laughing at hilarious photos as you glanced inquisitively at his respectable and good-looking family. He looked so young back then-wearing his black school uniform along with his silly grin. You loved this Yunho-this was the side of him you wanted to be with.
Deciding to gorge yourself a bit more on his delicious smiles, you continue flipping, viewing each picture carefully and watchfully. During all the mad flipping and page turning, something had caught you off guard. You keep on seeing that face-the one that had appeared beside Yunho numerous amounts of times. Throughout the photo album, you saw the same person beside him-smiling alongside him with his own unique grins as if he was his brother. The two of them looked so compatible... so close.
He looked so familiar-almost like you’ve met him somewhere before. But how was it possible? You’ve never went to Yunho’s high school, and there was no possible chance for Yunho to introduce you to one of his old high school friends. Maybe it was just your mind-playing tricks on you again. Besides, it was the first night without Yunho, right? So you probably still had a large amount unfixed glitches in your system.
Laying the photo album back where it last rested, you pull the blankets over yourself to prepare for your long-needed rest. The rain splattered onto the windows, showcasing the chill and harsh climate outside your doors. Pulling at the blankets a bit more, you try to warm yourself up-but it was futile. It wasn’t warm. It wasn’t warm here without him.
You were so used to him being beside you that now; you had still hoped that he rested there-breathing onto your neck with his tempting hot breath. But there was no Yunho. He was gone. He was on the train to Incheon by now.
The soft noise of the rain hitting against your windows was slowly lulling you to sleep. Before losing your full consciousness, a thought popped into your mind. You knew that who that person was in the photo album. You remembered now. He was Park Yoochun-the stranger you’ve met only briefly at the jewelry store that day on Christmas Eve. He was the stranger.
How weird, you think one last time before falling asleep.
It was finally time to start over.
Although you had no intention of coming to Incheon or leaving Jaejoong behind, you were proud that you were able to achieve one thing: to start all over again. You don’t want to remember your days at SM entertainment where you scurried around incoherently to achieve pure nothingness. In fact, you wanted to erase all traces of those memories and replace them with new ones you would hopefully make at YG. The only memories you wanted to keep with you were those of you and Jaejoong-together, with no interruptions.
You sigh heavily, staring back at your familiar reflection in the hotel mirror once you finished your morning ablutions and cleansing. “Who am I?” You call out to the reflection, wondering what answer the lifeless object could give you. “I don’t even remember anymore.” You admit shamefully.
Buttoning up your white shirt and grabbing all of your useful belongings, you step yourself out of your large hotel room and into the dimly lighted hotel hallway. This was your first day of work at your new job, and you were a bit uncertain if you could handle it like you had wanted to.
Without much thinking, you ride down the vacant elevator and into the decorated hotel lobby. Once there, you transport yourself to the underground parking lot where your rental car was parked-taking the place of your old car until it arrived. Inserting the key into the ignition, you start the engine immediately and didn’t hesitate to transfer yourself onto the road. You unquestionably did not want to be late for your first day at YG entertainment, so you took no energy to waste time.
Once out of the dark, you drive-not keeping a close watch on the road before you. Instead, you take the time to gaze at your surroundings-taking them in one by one, enjoying every view. Incheon was a beautiful city with its own insights and details. It was similar to Seoul, but also different due to its digression in tall buildings and large structures. The air you received from your open window was welcoming-filling your nostrils with the scent of nature and earth. The sky was blue-a lot clearer that of Seoul’s-and the grass appeared more vivid as its color shone vibrantly. It was incredible-being out of Seoul in almost four years. You could finally breathe.
Without much time on the road at all, you haul yourself into the entrance of the YG entertainment headquarters and then into the packed parking lot. Once parked, you stare curiously up at the building, observing its tall structure while your feet led you out of your vehicle.
You were greeted as soon as you entered the company doors. A man wearing casual clothing and a bright smile on his face approached you-his generous hospitality showing evidently upon his face. His nametag read: Lee DongHae, YG Employee, Assistant: Song Composing Committee. He took out his right hand in welcome and met his eye contact firmly with your own.
“You must be Jung Yunho-sshi.” He remarks, demanding for a handshake. “Welcome to YG entertainment, I’m Lee DongHae.”
You grin back at him graciously and return his handshake carelessly. “Just ‘Yunho’ is fine.” You convince demurely. “It’s nice to meet you, DongHae-sshi.”
“You too.” He comments before he walks off, his footsteps ordering you to follow him. “Right this way.” He directs as he leads you into one of the large elevators surrounding the lobby. “Mr. Park is waiting for you.” He utters as he presses the number 16 on the elevator wall. “We wouldn’t want to keep him waiting, now would we?”
“Mr. Park?” You question, an odd tone in your voice. “You mean Park Yoochun?”
He nods, acknowledging your question. “Oh that’s right!” He remarks suddenly. “I’ve heard from him that the two of you were good friends in high school, right?” He asks as you nod in agreement (maybe more than friends, you wanted to say). “He’s working in the songwriting department, and you will be accompanying him with his lyrics.” He informs you. “You’re okay with that, right? Since you used to work for Shim Changmin and all…”
“Yeah, I’m perfectly fine with it.” You nod, covering up all traces of doubt that lingered uncontrollably in your mind. “Was he happy?” You ask him placidly until you see an eyebrow rise up on his forehead. “I mean… was he happy… you know… when he found out that I would be transferring here.”
DongHae looked up, deep in thought. “He was, actually. I’m sure he would be-seeing his old friend and all.”
You nod, agreeing with him. So he hasn’t forgotten about you yet.
As soon as DongHae finished his sentence, the metallic doors of the elevator opened, revealing an organized and simple office to the two of you. Two arrows pointing opposite directions appeared before you-one reading Recording Studio and the other reading Audition Room. Without hesitation, DongHae leads you to your right, following the arrow that read Recording Studio. After a short walk, the two of you arrived at the closed wooden doors while he pulled out his keys and prepared to open up the entranceway. “Welcome to your new office, Yunho.” He announced before he inserted the key into the lock, opening the doors to the large studio.
Before the two of you could step in, you were amazed by both what you saw-and what you heard. There, sitting on a chair, playing the piano with his slim fingers was no other than your old lover-Yoochun.
Instead of interrupting his song, the two of you decided to stay and observe, taking in his song through your musically-trained ears as you watched attentively at his long fingers dancing on the keys. After an interlude of the piano, Yoochun began to sing, his voice echoing throughout the whole studio before it reached your sharp ears. You couldn’t help but listen-it was just that alluring.
As if not noticing the presence of the two of you in the room, he continued, singing while he played his piano beautifully. His husky voice was expertise-sounding like it had years of training and experience. And his piano playing skills could easily match up to Jaejoong’s long practiced guitar skills. He was amazing-just like Jaejoong. And his voice was beautiful-just like Jaejoong’s.
Concluding his song with his last note, he looked up from the piano, curiously gazing at the two of you in bewilderment, wondering why you were here. After scanning the two of you up and down, he immediately nailed his chestnut pupils to yours-not moving an inch.
…Or so… until DongHae interrupted.
“Yoochun, this is Yunho… the new transfer from SM.” He introduces, coming in between the two of you suddenly. “Yunho, this is Yoochun-he’s one of the best songwriters here at YG.” He brags, laying out his palm to introduce the man.
The confused expression on Yoochun’s face soon morphed into a warm smile. “You don’t need to introduce us, DongHae.” He comments playfully. “Besides, we were good friends in school-so we already know each other pretty well, right, Yunho?”
“Right.” You reply to him, a sarcastic tone in your voice. Friend? The way he uttered that word appeared innocuous. But within moments, you could easily notice the sarcasm within his voice. That Yoochun-he was always a good liar.
“I’ll be going now.” DongHae murmured before looking down at his watch. “It’s time for my break-and I wouldn’t mind stopping by the bakery for a treat.” He announced, as if talking to himself. “I trust you’ll show Yunho around here a bit more, right, Chun?”
He nods, agreeing. “Don’t worry-go on your break.” Yoochun encourages, almost as if he had wanted him out of the room. “I’ll take care of things around here.”
Waving a goodbye and murmuring a “nice to meet you,” DongHae departed the studio quickly, leaving the two of you alone behind the closed doors. For a moment, the two of you stared at each other-you didn’t know if it was out of confusion or relief-but it wasn’t until seconds later when you decided to break the silence and start up a conversation.
“Friends, huh?” You ask, as if you tease him. “You haven’t changed one bit, you liar.”
He sighs, and then snorts, looking back down at the piano. “What could I say? That we were in a passionate and sexual relationship years ago?” He asks confidently. “Yeah… I’m sure DongHae would’ve loved to hear all the details!”
You roll your eyes. “At least it’s better than lying.” You add, a bit sourly if you would say so yourself. You just knew Yoochun too well.
“Yeah, and as if you don’t lie.”
Ignoring his comment and putting it into the back of your mind, you slide into the piano chair with him, observing the piano scores before you on the stand. “That’s a nice song you’ve got there.” You bring up, a casual tone in your voice. “I really like it so far.”
“Really?” He asks, his visage holding a bit of astonishment. Then, he picks up the scores and observes them, bringing a frown to his unique features. “It’s called 여우비*-or Fox rain.” He informs you. “It’s an okay song so far, but there are still a lot of errors and mistakes that needs correcting.”
You smirk at him-a bit flirtatiously. “I guess that’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?” You wonder out loud. “I guess I have no choice but to help you fix your masterpiece.” You utter, nonchalance filling into your voice.
The smile on his face appeared to be enlarging in size. “Thank you.” He assured-his genuine eye contact linking tightly with yours once again. “You don’t know how happy I am to have you here, Yunho.” He added, his voice speaking a bit weakly and vulnerably.
And then, without warning, he does it. He turns to you and gives you the same expression his eyes gave you five years ago. You could recognize it clearly-the gratitude, the hint in his eyes that told you he loved you-it was an expression you would never forget.
Wanting to look away from him but finding that you couldn’t, you stare back at him-hypnotized. What are you doing? Your mind asks you. What about Jaejoong?
Remembering his face in your mind, you break apart from Yoochun’s hypnotic game. “I guess we should get started, shouldn’t we?” You ask, scanning the sheets that lay out before you. “I mean… songwriting is what I’m here for, isn’t it?”
“Yeah…” Yoochun replies, a bit uncertainly. He pulls out a pen and a new set of sheets. “Here.” He hands you the pen. “You can change the key into D flat major for the bridge.”
You do as he tells you, marking the sheets until you receive what you desired. The two of you worked like this for hours-perfecting the song while composing the new piano arrangement for the harmony. The two of you got along tremendously well, and the moments you spent together reminded you of your high school days. You couldn’t deny it: Yoochun and you had lots in common-and it wasn’t just music.
It wasn’t until 5:00 that afternoon when the song was completed. But instead of putting himself to rest, Yoochun decided to test out the song by singing it with the new accompaniment. And when he did, you couldn’t help but watch-even though you knew it would hurt you to do so.
Like a fool,
Since it’s the first time yet
You may call me a fool
I just hide the tears that cease to flow
Welled up in my eyes
And again, you were amazed. This song-that he composed and wrote completely by himself was now escaping his lips and arriving into your ears. Yoochun was clearly a genius.
From the time I was able to know my lover's smile
How can it just dry up like yesterday's rain
It was agonizing every time the words were thrown
I just kept the tears that cease to flow
Welled up in my eyes
After he finishes his song, he stands up, folding the sheets until they fit neatly into his bag. Still silent, you stare up at him-amazed, for there wasn’t another expression better to fit your face.
“Um… thanks for today.” You tell him, a bit nervously. “YG is a great place to work at.” You admit, wanting to forget your tough times at SM.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you enjoy it.” He utters silently. “If you need any more help-I’ll always be here. So don’t hesitate to ask me.”
You nod, acknowledging his statement. “I guess I should go back to the hotel and prepare for tomorrow.” You remark before taking your folder of papers and your cup of coffee and preparing yourself to leave the studio.
“Wait!”
You turn to him, curious of what he had in mind.
“DongHae and I, along with some of my other friends are going out to dinner tonight.” He mentions with a friendly tone. “We wouldn’t mind if you joined us.”
You shake your head. “I’m afraid I can’t.” You deny with a frown on your face. “I need to go back to the hotel and call…” You wanted to end the sentence with the word ‘Jaejoong,’ but could you?
“Call who?”
You scratch your head. “The concierge!” You cover up hastily. “They will be taking care of my luggage that’s going to be arriving at the hotel soon.” You lie, avoiding the conversation that was started. “And besides… it would be too much trouble if I tagged along without warning.”
He sighs, looking back at the piano sheets. “It’s fine-really.” He convinces. “We won’t mind, Yunho, not at all.” His cheerful expression was replaced by a look of grief and sorrow. “Please, Yunho. I need to talk to you more-just once. Your luggage… I’m sure it can wait. But…” He trails off, hanging his head. “I don’t think this can wait.”
Your heart aches as you realize the clues of melancholy in his voice. Maybe he felt the same feelings you felt when he parted from you. Maybe he missed you just as much as you missed him. Seeing the expression on his face, you it was true.
“Okay.” You agree recklessly. “I mean… just a dinner… how much time would it take, right?”
What would he be doing now?
You didn’t want to admit it, but you had no choice but to tell yourself the truth. You were tired-so tired that your throat stung from your hours of singing. Without a vocal coach in hand, Changmin suggested you would rehearse by yourself and take care of your own training until a new vocal coach came in. You thought it would be simple-being by yourself and all-but oh, you were so wrong!
Out of all the vocal coaches out there-you found that you yourself was the toughest out of them all. You pushed and pushed yourself-you pushed until you had no air left in your lungs to squeeze out. Why were you doing this? Why did you enjoy the pain that lingered in the back of your throat? What were you doing?
What would he be doing? Would he be having fun? Would he be feeling just as horrible as you felt? Where was he?
You jumped onto the bed the second you arrived back home. You didn’t bother to fix up anything to eat, and instead ignored the kitchen altogether. You didn’t want to turn on the lights, and you didn’t want to sleep either. You were tired yet restless, and you were bored-so bored that you actually wanted to return to your harsh training at the studio.
You don’t know why you were here. You don’t know why you were singing in the first place. After all, what would singing accomplish? Would it bring money? Of course-but, would it bring love? Yes it would-but not true love. True love was something you had achieved months ago, and it was the one thing you had chased away and let go of to achieve your goals as a singer.
Without Yunho… you don’t want to sing anymore. You don’t even know what to do with your life anymore. Because deep inside you, you knew that Yunho was the one who made you sing in the first place. He was the one who supported you and loved you through all your vocal training. You had vowed to yourself that you would be okay without him, but were you really? Were you really able to endure another one of these long and cold days without him?
He hasn’t even called me yet.
Swallowing all your doubt, you pick up your cell phone and dial his number straight away. You know exactly what to say to him-how as your day? How was YG? Are you having fun in Incheon? And hell, you just wanted to hear his voice for goodness sake! However, you were more than disappointed when nothing but silence appeared on the other line-which meant Yunho was not picking up.
It’s okay, you tell yourself. His phone is probably running out of battery or something. You close up your flip phone and return yourself to the spongy mattress.
“Park Yoochun, huh?” You wonder out loud, gazing at Yunho’s old photos once again. “Didn’t he say he lived in Incheon?”
Incheon…that’s where Yunho is.
*여우비 (Fox Rain or Like Weather…) is a song written and composed by Micky Yoochun of TVXQ. Yoochun sang this as a solo in their 1st Live Concert: Rising Sun.
(Translated Lyrics of 여우비 from DBSKer)
If you didn’t notice-it’s as hard for me to write this as it is for you to read this. I know how much you want to throw tomatoes at me and chase after me with torches…but-please don’t (unless you don’t want me to update anymore!). Please understand my motives for doing this… and in the end, it’s still a YunJae story, so I will still continue to support them. This crap is just all to thicken up the plot, k?
Get it over and yell at me now. Take out all your anger at me in the comments! I won’t hate you for it!
~Cindy
Chance | Sing | Conversation | Interruptions | Spark | Microphone | Flirt | Again | Flame | Gift | Miracle | Promise | Awake | Timeless | Doubt | Jealousy