Here's why I'm frustrated
I know that he's busy and that I am intruding on his time by being here. I realize this. I just...well I'm not angry I'm just frustrated. Because after shows and stuff he COULD spend time with me...it's like he's not making much of an effort. And maybe it's just me looking too much into things again. Or maybe this is just the third time he's walking away from me.
Maybe he doesn't want me here anymore and I'm missing the hint. But that's bull cuz if he wants me gone, he should just say so. I'd be more than happy to leave.
Let's call it a day
I'll pack my bags be on my way
Sure don't need to stay
Where I'm not welcome anyway
I hate that I let myself feel. I wish I had a switch and I could just turn it off and forget all about everyone who has the power to hurt me. Because I don't know who is worthy of that power.
Don't you believe me when I tell you I adore you and would do anything for you? Don't you get that you mean the world to me?? If you get it then why do you refuse to let me in? This goes for almost EVERYONE.
John.
Chris.
Billy.
Zac.
Brittany.
David.
You guys are my freaking life. You guys mean so much to me it's sick and I wonder if each of you really know that you mean that much to me. And some of you are really shutting me out right now, some of you are downright ignoring me and pretending I don't exist and I would never do that to you. It hurts...it really hurts.
Maybe I've shut myself off...maybe this is my fault. All I know is that the only two people that I have talked to in the past 2 days are Brittany and David and that's screwy when I'm actually in the same ROOM with someone else more often then these two. I miss my friends and I'm leaving for Ireland soon and I feel like I'm only going to be FARTHER away then I am now. And I'm not just talking physically.
I don't want to post my feelings here. I want to look you in the eye and tell you how I feel. I want to read the expression on your face and watch your reaction. I want you to answer me directly instead of checking my email and praying for a response that I know I'll never get. I don't want to leave without telling you these things...and whatever your reaction is, I can handle it...I just want to have that chance. Don't you think you could give me that much??
I always say too much and I always regret it later. I wish I could just make everyone happy, including myself. I am so done with this entry it's ridiculous.
Maybe he doesn't want me here anymore and I'm missing the hint. But that's bull cuz if he wants me gone, he should just say so. I'd be more than happy to leave.
Let's call it a day
I'll pack my bags be on my way
Sure don't need to stay
Where I'm not welcome anyway
I hate that I let myself feel. I wish I had a switch and I could just turn it off and forget all about everyone who has the power to hurt me. Because I don't know who is worthy of that power.
Don't you believe me when I tell you I adore you and would do anything for you? Don't you get that you mean the world to me?? If you get it then why do you refuse to let me in? This goes for almost EVERYONE.
John.
Chris.
Billy.
Zac.
Brittany.
David.
You guys are my freaking life. You guys mean so much to me it's sick and I wonder if each of you really know that you mean that much to me. And some of you are really shutting me out right now, some of you are downright ignoring me and pretending I don't exist and I would never do that to you. It hurts...it really hurts.
Maybe I've shut myself off...maybe this is my fault. All I know is that the only two people that I have talked to in the past 2 days are Brittany and David and that's screwy when I'm actually in the same ROOM with someone else more often then these two. I miss my friends and I'm leaving for Ireland soon and I feel like I'm only going to be FARTHER away then I am now. And I'm not just talking physically.
I don't want to post my feelings here. I want to look you in the eye and tell you how I feel. I want to read the expression on your face and watch your reaction. I want you to answer me directly instead of checking my email and praying for a response that I know I'll never get. I don't want to leave without telling you these things...and whatever your reaction is, I can handle it...I just want to have that chance. Don't you think you could give me that much??
I always say too much and I always regret it later. I wish I could just make everyone happy, including myself. I am so done with this entry it's ridiculous.