NaNoWriMo and non-NaNoWriMo rant
First day of NaNoWriMo: 3638 words
I'm pretty happy with myself. The day isn't over yet so I might write some more but 3638 words in the first day feels like a pretty good start (I was aiming for 1667).
Now there are some things that I haven't written in my diary or blogged about here because everything I would start writing I'd get so mad and I'd rather not be mad. But I realized that I need to just get it off my chest and get over it. So cut for family-related issues and a truckload of anger.
Ungratefulness is not accepted in any culture, Asian or white - quote from my aunt, which I feel is very approriate for this.
I'll start from the beginning. My grandparents' had ten kids. Five sons, five daughters. My dad is the second eldest. My eldest uncle, bless his soul, was the only one of my dad's brothers and sisters who also lived in Sweden. He died when I was little. His death was so sudden, no one was prepared for it. My dad was the only one with him at the hospital. His last words to my uncle was "Calm down, let the doctors treat you" before being dragged out of the room by a nurse. An hour later or so the doctors told him "We're sorry, your brother has passed away." That's the truth. The version everyone else got to hear was how my uncle on his deathbed asked my dad to look after his two kids. My dad promised him and my uncle could go in peace. But that was a lie my dad made up, still at the hospital and just before he made the first phone call to my mom, he told her that version as well. So why did he lie? So that no one would question him for caring so much for his brother's children and wanting to look after him, so that he could always use the "promise" as an excuse. K, as I shall refer to him, is the younger of my uncle's children.
Now, in my culture cousins on the father's side and who share the same last name refer to each other as brothers and sisters in Chinese. I'd be lying if I didn't say I saw most of my cousins on my dad's side as real brothers and sisters, but after what happened this summer I've only become more convinced that family has nothing to do with blood. As you might or might not know, I went to the US this summer. Almost everyone from Sweden came as well so it was supposed to be a big family gathering. While I mostly have happy memories of this summer, there are a lot of bad ones as well. K and his girlfriend S also traveled to the US this summer and stayed for two weeks.
I'm not going to lie, I cared a lot about the two of them before this summer, to me they were just as much family as everyone else. Yes, there were some minor things about them during the first week that annoyed me but I kept quiet since there was no use in making a big deal out of small stuff. But the final drop came during the second week. Some stuff happened to S and despite thinking that K was the worst boyfriend ever for not taking care of her, I decided to keep my mouth shut again since there was no use in yelling at him when S was feeling sick (the awful boyfriend thoughts were pretty much shared by the rest of the family who were too polite to voice it until I brought it up). My dad decides that he should talk to K about it privately sometime when it's just the two of them. That sometime never comes because when the house is packed with people K asks me dad to come over so that they can talk. K more or less says it's my dad's fault that things got so bad for S. S was feeling sick, we were all going to a restaurant when she said that she wanted to stay at home. Dad says "Okay, but K stays with you so you won't be alone." K insists on going anyway, dad insists on him staying and taking care of his girlfriend. S makes the stupid decision to go anyway (because otherwise K won't have a good time) and takes too many painkillers causing her to react very, very badly to them in the restaurant. So, according to K and S' logic, if my dad had never insisted that K stayed at home with his girlfriend then none of this would have happen, thus it's my dad's fault.
Good God.
I'm not exaggerating that when I first heard about this, I wanted to go and punch both of them for treating my dad like that. Dad tells me to calm down and I did my best, but just seeing them made me so angry every time that I started to avoid them. Luckily they went home a week later (and to add to that no one really missed them, all my uncles and aunts drew a sigh of relief and my youngest cousin couldn't be bothered to go out and say goodbye until I literally carried her outdoors). To make a long story short, ever since I got back to Sweden I have almost no contact with them. Someone encouraged me to try to forgive them, makeup... I thought about it and I honestly couldn't come up with one single reason why I would want to, what I had to gain from it.
A few weeks ago my aunt forwarded an email to me that S had sent to her. In the email, S said that I treated her and K very badly the last week in the US, because I wouldn't go and talk to them. Reading that email, I just thought "Well, bravo!". If the two of them had the brains they would have figured out why. Because after the way they were generally ungrateful to everyone and blamed that incident on my dad, I would really want to walk up to them the next morning and have a cheerful chat. Yes, I am self righteous but I know that I have done nothing wrong. Even if I had... I text messaged K a few weeks ago and asked him to pick some things up and that we should meet and talk. He didn't answer. At that point I almost felt like laughing. I thought "Let them believe that they are right, that they have been so wronged by me, my dad.", at least my conscience is clean.
Father's day 2006
My dad answers the phone. It's K who called. "I'd just like to give you a call on Father's Day... because you've been looking out for me ever since I was little, you're practically like a dad to me."
He won't call my dad this year. I'm happy that he won't. He doesn't deserve to call him dad.
I know who is family now. Family isn't about blood, about shared DNA, it's not even about growing up together. It is simply love and the things you do for each other.
Writing that made me feel so much better. Kind of... free, in a way.
I'm pretty happy with myself. The day isn't over yet so I might write some more but 3638 words in the first day feels like a pretty good start (I was aiming for 1667).
Now there are some things that I haven't written in my diary or blogged about here because everything I would start writing I'd get so mad and I'd rather not be mad. But I realized that I need to just get it off my chest and get over it. So cut for family-related issues and a truckload of anger.
Ungratefulness is not accepted in any culture, Asian or white - quote from my aunt, which I feel is very approriate for this.
I'll start from the beginning. My grandparents' had ten kids. Five sons, five daughters. My dad is the second eldest. My eldest uncle, bless his soul, was the only one of my dad's brothers and sisters who also lived in Sweden. He died when I was little. His death was so sudden, no one was prepared for it. My dad was the only one with him at the hospital. His last words to my uncle was "Calm down, let the doctors treat you" before being dragged out of the room by a nurse. An hour later or so the doctors told him "We're sorry, your brother has passed away." That's the truth. The version everyone else got to hear was how my uncle on his deathbed asked my dad to look after his two kids. My dad promised him and my uncle could go in peace. But that was a lie my dad made up, still at the hospital and just before he made the first phone call to my mom, he told her that version as well. So why did he lie? So that no one would question him for caring so much for his brother's children and wanting to look after him, so that he could always use the "promise" as an excuse. K, as I shall refer to him, is the younger of my uncle's children.
Now, in my culture cousins on the father's side and who share the same last name refer to each other as brothers and sisters in Chinese. I'd be lying if I didn't say I saw most of my cousins on my dad's side as real brothers and sisters, but after what happened this summer I've only become more convinced that family has nothing to do with blood. As you might or might not know, I went to the US this summer. Almost everyone from Sweden came as well so it was supposed to be a big family gathering. While I mostly have happy memories of this summer, there are a lot of bad ones as well. K and his girlfriend S also traveled to the US this summer and stayed for two weeks.
I'm not going to lie, I cared a lot about the two of them before this summer, to me they were just as much family as everyone else. Yes, there were some minor things about them during the first week that annoyed me but I kept quiet since there was no use in making a big deal out of small stuff. But the final drop came during the second week. Some stuff happened to S and despite thinking that K was the worst boyfriend ever for not taking care of her, I decided to keep my mouth shut again since there was no use in yelling at him when S was feeling sick (the awful boyfriend thoughts were pretty much shared by the rest of the family who were too polite to voice it until I brought it up). My dad decides that he should talk to K about it privately sometime when it's just the two of them. That sometime never comes because when the house is packed with people K asks me dad to come over so that they can talk. K more or less says it's my dad's fault that things got so bad for S. S was feeling sick, we were all going to a restaurant when she said that she wanted to stay at home. Dad says "Okay, but K stays with you so you won't be alone." K insists on going anyway, dad insists on him staying and taking care of his girlfriend. S makes the stupid decision to go anyway (because otherwise K won't have a good time) and takes too many painkillers causing her to react very, very badly to them in the restaurant. So, according to K and S' logic, if my dad had never insisted that K stayed at home with his girlfriend then none of this would have happen, thus it's my dad's fault.
Good God.
I'm not exaggerating that when I first heard about this, I wanted to go and punch both of them for treating my dad like that. Dad tells me to calm down and I did my best, but just seeing them made me so angry every time that I started to avoid them. Luckily they went home a week later (and to add to that no one really missed them, all my uncles and aunts drew a sigh of relief and my youngest cousin couldn't be bothered to go out and say goodbye until I literally carried her outdoors). To make a long story short, ever since I got back to Sweden I have almost no contact with them. Someone encouraged me to try to forgive them, makeup... I thought about it and I honestly couldn't come up with one single reason why I would want to, what I had to gain from it.
A few weeks ago my aunt forwarded an email to me that S had sent to her. In the email, S said that I treated her and K very badly the last week in the US, because I wouldn't go and talk to them. Reading that email, I just thought "Well, bravo!". If the two of them had the brains they would have figured out why. Because after the way they were generally ungrateful to everyone and blamed that incident on my dad, I would really want to walk up to them the next morning and have a cheerful chat. Yes, I am self righteous but I know that I have done nothing wrong. Even if I had... I text messaged K a few weeks ago and asked him to pick some things up and that we should meet and talk. He didn't answer. At that point I almost felt like laughing. I thought "Let them believe that they are right, that they have been so wronged by me, my dad.", at least my conscience is clean.
Father's day 2006
My dad answers the phone. It's K who called. "I'd just like to give you a call on Father's Day... because you've been looking out for me ever since I was little, you're practically like a dad to me."
He won't call my dad this year. I'm happy that he won't. He doesn't deserve to call him dad.
I know who is family now. Family isn't about blood, about shared DNA, it's not even about growing up together. It is simply love and the things you do for each other.
Writing that made me feel so much better. Kind of... free, in a way.