MELANCHOLIA

( Read more... )

everything i write is such utter nonsense ( Read more... )

i had set in mind to make a new livejournal when i finally got around to getting a new laptop
but i've been away from a computer for so long-
i've forgotten how to do anything !

for awhile, at least, i'll keep posting in here
( sorry for having been away for so long )

let me just reacquaint myself with the ways of the internet 
and then i'll start ( Read more... )

i still struggle with who i am ( Read more... )

i had a conversation that changed my life,
or at least impacted it a great deal,

awhile back.

i hate every second of it.

i was torn to bit and looked over with a magnifying glass

yelled and cried
argued and complainined

but i've realized alot
and it has come to my attention

that i honestly don't understand a thing that has happened to me.

nothing.
( Read more... )

it's been awhile, hasn't it ?

i don't have a computer
or internet at home

thus, right now, now that cameron is here, at bryan's, to play a video game,
i have time to jott down quickly what has happened and how i feel.

all i do is work
and read

when i'm with bryan

all i can do is talk
talk talk talk
in excess
because we don't talk when we're not ( Read more... )

haven't hung with bryan in more than a week ( Read more... )

feelings of being replaced are no good.

i said there would be no other
and there won't be.

someone at work said something
horribly cruel to me today

i ran out in tears

i hate letting people see me cry.

so, i went home.
told everyone i felt sick

pulled it off, i think.

still, my feelings were hurt.

I MUST KEEP POSITIVE.

the amount of bruises on my body is ridiculous.

4 on my arms.

gruesome
all colors

green yellow blue purple

a million more on my knees and shins

but i love them.
and enjoy looking at them.

people think it's
DV
or rough sex.

it's neither, i assure you.

just malnutrition
and
drunk clumsiness.

i woke up with the feeling that i had lost something ( Read more... )