slit my wrists
You know damn well I won't do it myself, if I could I would have. Can someone please kill me, because I can't think of any way to feel worse than I do right now. I mean, there is physical pain, but I don't think I could feel it anymore, I think it would be a comforting relief from the emotional pain that is worsening ever minute of this bleak new year. I see potential good in my life, but not potential love, potential happiness. To me, monetary stuff, life stuff, is background by far, I can be happy through any situation with love. Without it, I will never be anything but miserable, and I feel like I lost my only shot. All the years of looking, I lost the one who found me, who accepted me, who loved me. Theres nothing else out there for me, I can see myself making a lot of money and living a very successful life, but that doesn't motivate me. I don't really care about that stuff, I do, but it doesn't mean anything if my heart isn't in it, and I think my heart is dying in and of itself. I think it might make sense just to say goodbye to you all, I am a consistent downer on everyone I talk to, I don't really trust anyone, fuck it. FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT.