Fic: Afternoon Matinee
According to jjpor, a fic I would never write. Well, actually, if it involves Romana I, I'd write it quite happily. (And maybe once my rewatching has moved on from KtoTime, I'd say the same of Romana II, even). Oh, and, btw, please remember: you asked for this.
In which the Doctor educates Romana. Possibly. (All ages, 1001 words).
***
“And this is absolutely essential to our mission?”
The Doctor led the way across the darkened room. “Oh, absolutely.”
“In what sense?”
He led her along the row of seats, tripping over the legs of people already seated and annoying the rest.
“Do excuse him,” said Romana, following on behind after him, her hand in his - purely because of the darkness and the unfamiliar surroundings, obviously. “Terribly sorry - he’s always like this.”
They took their seats. “In what sense, Doctor? We’ve been forced to make a stop at a location which doesn’t contain the next segment. I don’t see how this can be vital to anything.”
“Well, you see, that’s exactly why. You, my girl, have got a lot to learn about the cultures of the universe and this is a perfect starting point.”
She paused. “I don’t see.”
“Really? I know that fellow in front’s got rather a big head, but I would have thought -.”
“Oh, the view of the screen is more than adequate, thank you, Doctor. I meant, I don’t see why this is important.”
“You will. This is one of the greatest love stories of all time. They’ll still be talking about this film in the Fortieth Century, I’ll have you know. Of course, by that time it’ll be the 3D musical version, but let’s not think about that -.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Love?” She wrinkled her nose. “Doctor, I think you merely wanted to take the day off again.”
“The day off? In the middle of trying to save the universe? How dare you!”
“Well, you did last week. You said you were going fishing. Why don’t I leave you to your film and get on with something more interesting?”
“Because, it’s culturally imperative that there are two of us attending the showing.”
“Oh?”
He removed his hat a fraction before the lady behind tried to swipe at it. “You see, I have to take you along, buy you popcorn -.”
“I see. That’s what this is? What do I do with it?”
“You eat it,” he said. “Of course, it’s not as good as jelly babies, but it’s traditional. What’s more, we have to share it, so keep it between us there and don’t be greedy.”
She tried some. “Hmm. Doctor, I’m not sure whether I ate the cardboard container or the popcorn.”
“I wouldn’t worry.”
The screen flickered into life.
“This is the earth’s greatest love story?” said Romana. “There seems to be rather a lot about washing clothes. Is that an earth mating ritual?”
“No, that’s the advertising. Now, I was trying to explain, this is Casablanca. Anything you don’t understand, you can ask me afterwards.”
“Thank you, Doctor, although I generally find that K9 gives one more reliable answers.”
He sulked.
“There’s no use putting on that expression in here.”
He turned his head.
“I can tell,” she said with a smirk. “You make that funny little ‘hff’ noise. You are rather predictable once one becomes inured to your more obvious eccentricities.”
“I’m what?” He sulked again. “Anyway, you can talk. Screwing your face up at the mere idea of love! You may choose to remain aloof and merely analyse, but it’s the emotion that drives the rest of the universe and it’s about time you learnt something about it.”
“It is?”
They waited for the adverts and the trailers to finish. The Doctor took Romana’s hand again.
“Doctor, the popcorn is there.”
“No, no, this is an earth cinema-watching tradition, too. Feel free to clutch at me during any frightening moments.”
The curtains pulled back and the lights came on.
“Oh. Was that it? asked Romana.
He grinned at her. “No, only the interval - a chance to buy an ice-cream.”
Romana watched the queue form at the hatch at the bottom of the steps. “Go on, then.”
“What?”
“Culturally, it seems you ought to be buying me one of those. Clearly, everyone else is.”
He gave her an outraged look and then waltzed off, tripping over more people until he eventually returned with the article in question, just before the lights went down.
They both settled back in their seats. Despite herself, Romana was curious and, since the Doctor was determined on their being here, she was prepared to make the best of things. In fact, she was already enjoying herself.
The white on black writing on the screen read: CARRY ON DOCTOR.
“Is it a message?” asked Romana.
He stared. “It - but I set the co-ordinates most particularly!”
“Did you? How funny, because you told me it was an accident when we arrived.”
He said, “I asked for two for Casablanca, as well. You’d think the young fellow would have mentioned it wasn’t showing. Well, come on, Romana, no time for dilly-dallying.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “This certainly looks educational to me. And you said you’d explain anything I didn’t understand to me afterwards, didn’t you?”
He coughed. “Yes, well, I may have -. K9 is rather handy in -.”
“And, Doctor, next time you want to take me on - I believe the earth term is - date, perhaps you should simply ask rather than resort to childish subterfuge?”
He disappeared under his hat. “Hah. Where would be the fun in that?”
“Yes, I suppose it would give me the option to say no. I’m given to understand that it’s cultural for one to be washing one’s hair?”
“Shh!” hissed someone from behind and they turned their attention back to the film, which certainly was, as she had supposed, fascinating from an educational viewpoint.
*
Romana, on the ending of the afternoon, concluded that humans were very strange creatures, but that she had a long list of pertinent questions to ask the Doctor. It would be fun, she thought, to see how far he would go try and weasel out of them. And he claimed she was the one who needed to learn about love.
Or maybe she would save them up until they had finished their quest and ask him to give her a demonstration?
In which the Doctor educates Romana. Possibly. (All ages, 1001 words).
***
“And this is absolutely essential to our mission?”
The Doctor led the way across the darkened room. “Oh, absolutely.”
“In what sense?”
He led her along the row of seats, tripping over the legs of people already seated and annoying the rest.
“Do excuse him,” said Romana, following on behind after him, her hand in his - purely because of the darkness and the unfamiliar surroundings, obviously. “Terribly sorry - he’s always like this.”
They took their seats. “In what sense, Doctor? We’ve been forced to make a stop at a location which doesn’t contain the next segment. I don’t see how this can be vital to anything.”
“Well, you see, that’s exactly why. You, my girl, have got a lot to learn about the cultures of the universe and this is a perfect starting point.”
She paused. “I don’t see.”
“Really? I know that fellow in front’s got rather a big head, but I would have thought -.”
“Oh, the view of the screen is more than adequate, thank you, Doctor. I meant, I don’t see why this is important.”
“You will. This is one of the greatest love stories of all time. They’ll still be talking about this film in the Fortieth Century, I’ll have you know. Of course, by that time it’ll be the 3D musical version, but let’s not think about that -.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Love?” She wrinkled her nose. “Doctor, I think you merely wanted to take the day off again.”
“The day off? In the middle of trying to save the universe? How dare you!”
“Well, you did last week. You said you were going fishing. Why don’t I leave you to your film and get on with something more interesting?”
“Because, it’s culturally imperative that there are two of us attending the showing.”
“Oh?”
He removed his hat a fraction before the lady behind tried to swipe at it. “You see, I have to take you along, buy you popcorn -.”
“I see. That’s what this is? What do I do with it?”
“You eat it,” he said. “Of course, it’s not as good as jelly babies, but it’s traditional. What’s more, we have to share it, so keep it between us there and don’t be greedy.”
She tried some. “Hmm. Doctor, I’m not sure whether I ate the cardboard container or the popcorn.”
“I wouldn’t worry.”
The screen flickered into life.
“This is the earth’s greatest love story?” said Romana. “There seems to be rather a lot about washing clothes. Is that an earth mating ritual?”
“No, that’s the advertising. Now, I was trying to explain, this is Casablanca. Anything you don’t understand, you can ask me afterwards.”
“Thank you, Doctor, although I generally find that K9 gives one more reliable answers.”
He sulked.
“There’s no use putting on that expression in here.”
He turned his head.
“I can tell,” she said with a smirk. “You make that funny little ‘hff’ noise. You are rather predictable once one becomes inured to your more obvious eccentricities.”
“I’m what?” He sulked again. “Anyway, you can talk. Screwing your face up at the mere idea of love! You may choose to remain aloof and merely analyse, but it’s the emotion that drives the rest of the universe and it’s about time you learnt something about it.”
“It is?”
They waited for the adverts and the trailers to finish. The Doctor took Romana’s hand again.
“Doctor, the popcorn is there.”
“No, no, this is an earth cinema-watching tradition, too. Feel free to clutch at me during any frightening moments.”
The curtains pulled back and the lights came on.
“Oh. Was that it? asked Romana.
He grinned at her. “No, only the interval - a chance to buy an ice-cream.”
Romana watched the queue form at the hatch at the bottom of the steps. “Go on, then.”
“What?”
“Culturally, it seems you ought to be buying me one of those. Clearly, everyone else is.”
He gave her an outraged look and then waltzed off, tripping over more people until he eventually returned with the article in question, just before the lights went down.
They both settled back in their seats. Despite herself, Romana was curious and, since the Doctor was determined on their being here, she was prepared to make the best of things. In fact, she was already enjoying herself.
The white on black writing on the screen read: CARRY ON DOCTOR.
“Is it a message?” asked Romana.
He stared. “It - but I set the co-ordinates most particularly!”
“Did you? How funny, because you told me it was an accident when we arrived.”
He said, “I asked for two for Casablanca, as well. You’d think the young fellow would have mentioned it wasn’t showing. Well, come on, Romana, no time for dilly-dallying.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “This certainly looks educational to me. And you said you’d explain anything I didn’t understand to me afterwards, didn’t you?”
He coughed. “Yes, well, I may have -. K9 is rather handy in -.”
“And, Doctor, next time you want to take me on - I believe the earth term is - date, perhaps you should simply ask rather than resort to childish subterfuge?”
He disappeared under his hat. “Hah. Where would be the fun in that?”
“Yes, I suppose it would give me the option to say no. I’m given to understand that it’s cultural for one to be washing one’s hair?”
“Shh!” hissed someone from behind and they turned their attention back to the film, which certainly was, as she had supposed, fascinating from an educational viewpoint.
*
Romana, on the ending of the afternoon, concluded that humans were very strange creatures, but that she had a long list of pertinent questions to ask the Doctor. It would be fun, she thought, to see how far he would go try and weasel out of them. And he claimed she was the one who needed to learn about love.
Or maybe she would save them up until they had finished their quest and ask him to give her a demonstration?