"Can remember... pieces," I mumbled. "Going to the beach... then... pain and surprise." I glanced up at him, watching him play with his bandages. I should be mad at him now, but I just can't
( ... )
The beach. What was he doing at that beach anyway? All I know from Justine's story is that Connor met him there, they fought and Connor won. And the only reason I can think of for him to win, is because Angel let him. He let him because Connor is his son and he loves him
( ... )
"Didn't know any better," I echoed. A flash again, and I saw the angry sneer, and then... pain.
"No..." I said slowly. "He knew what he was doing." I glanced at Wesley, then back at my hands in my lap. "He wanted to do it. He thinks... he thinks I killed Holtz."
And why wouldn't he want to sink me in the ocean for that.
"Why am I hearing a buzzing?" I asked, frowning. "Do you hear it?" Damn annoying, and it's not going away anytime soon, I don't think.
Silent, and then I added, "And you do. Still care, I mean." Not stupid. Just a little lost, dizzy, and still kinda hungry, but... coming back together? I could remember now, and wasn't sure I quite wanted to. Nothing had been exactly... cheerful before I'd... gone for a swim, and now?
"No Angel, I don't care. I don't give a damn what happens to you or any of the others. About just as much as you've cared about me or my side of what happened." Liar. "You've all made that pretty clear one way or the other. Some used a bit...stronger, arguments though." I give him a pointed look at that. That's right, I've not forgotten. Never will.
Buzzing? Probably water in his ears. "You probably have water in your ears. It'll go way," I wave at him. Worrying about a buzzing sound, get a grip you sod. There are more important matters at stake here. "Before I take you back to the hotel, when you're ready, I'd like to know what you're going to do about Connor. Yes, he knew what he was doing. But he thought he was doing the right thing based on his upbringing." I'm not going to take him back if that means Connor will get the brunt of this. Of course the boy needs to learn that was he did was wrong, but there are several ways of doing that.
I listened to his rant, then shrugged. "Okay. You don't care." Despite his denial, there was still something in him, in his eyes, that screamed to be listened to.
I pushed away from that; for a second, I had... thought things were back to normal. Like Connor had never happened. Dammit, I was still dazed from being gone so long, trapped. I was surprised I wasn't raving like Dru did... or had I been? I couldn't really remember any of that, still, only... something about fish?
"I don't know. I... understand why he did it, but..." But what? What he had done was wrong. What the hell did Wesley think, that I was going kick the kids ass? Kill him? No. Talk to him, yes.
"Has he... hurt any of the others?" The others... Cordy, Fred, Gunn... Cordelia. She probably hated me now... thought I had stood her up, most likely. The other two... I hoped Connor hadn't done anything to them. Unlikely, because of the way he had been brought up, but then... they had all been helping the infamous 'Angelus', after all
( ... )
"No and no. I didn't mean you were going to kill him and I don't like your tone of voice. And no he didn't do anything to the others other then letting them believe he has no idea where you are. They've been looking for you all over and he's been looking with them." The other will be furious with the boy for lying at them. I hope Angel can make them understand
( ... )
"What happened to you, Wesley?" I asked quietly, halting his speech. He's bitter, and he has every right to be, but...
"Why are you helping me, if you can't stand me?" I'm pissed at him, and in a way, the whole reason I'm so numb and cold right now is his fault, but... for some reason, I suddenly want to know his side of it. I want to know how he sees this whole situation. Whether he knows that his damn prophecy was false, that he was played like a gullible fool
( ... )
What happened to me? I laugh bitterly at that moving away from him. There's blood oozing through the bandage. Rummaging through the first aid kit, I get out another one and roll it over the one already around my arm. What happened to me. Good god, what a stupid question.
"Threatened to kill me? That pillow over my head while I was laying helpless in a hospital bed was just a threat? You could've fooled me." Shaking my head I glare at him for a moment. "I already told you why I got you out." And that's all I'm going to say about it.
I move over to the steering console and start the engine. For once I curse the fact that I've rented a boat with a silent engine. "You know what hurts the most?" I say, not looking at him but straight ahead as I bring us back to the shore. "That all of you assumed. All of you assumed that I had done nothing to dispel this bloody prophecy. While I went out of my way to find a possibility for it to be false. But everywhere I looked, went, everyone I consulted said the same thing."
I watched, my face blank, as Wesley ranted. I... fuck. That was the only word coming to mind.
"I... I was seeing Connor as food." I said numbly. I had been... even... down there, I had... seen Connor, dead at my hands, my lips stained with his blood.
"They'd spiked my blood with his blood," I said carefully. He'd turned the engine up, but it still wasn't very loud; I knew he could hear me. "I... we didn't know until earlier that day."
Then, when he didn't reply, I added, "You want to know why we assumed about you? There was nothing to say how hard you'd tried, nothing to say you hadn't just taken it at face value." I stopped to regain a little strength. I still wasn't that strong, and the scent of Wesley's blood was teasing me.
Before I lapsed into silence, I said firmly, "And if I'd really wanted you dead, do you really think Gunn and the other guys could have pulled me off? So yeah, threatenedI'd been pissed off at the time; maybe I still was. My emotions were still all undercover, so I was... pretty much just poking
( ... )
"Like I said. It's nice to know that you all assumed. It makes me wonder what you all thought of me al those years," I grumbled. Sodding git, giving him his righteous act. That one doesn't work with my anymore, not after what he tried to do. Not after everything that happened.
I glare at him over my shoulder, while I crank up the engine another notch. "I just want to make certain Connor gets his father back. His real father. And make no mistake, Angel. For Connor Holtz is his father." Tensing my yaw, I turn around again and look out over the ocean. That's all I have to say about this. And I really wished I could tell him I don't hate him. But too much has happened. Resent him, yes, but hate? no.
"Who was I supposed to tell, Angel. Cordelia was away on vacation. Fred and Gunn were all wrapped up in each other. They were all so goddamn happy." While I was alone and non of them noticed me staying up all night for days on end. "And you were acting strange. But it doesn't matter now. I've learned my lesson." Don't let anyone close ever again. They'll only hurt you in the end. Sooner or later.
I roll my eyes toward the ceiling at the Holtz remark. He can't let that one rest. "He's dead," I say gruffly. We both know that. Idiot. "The others are fine." And so am I, thanks for asking. I watch as the lights of the harbor come closer. Thank god, I can't wait for this to be over. I've done my job, I don't owe them anything anymore.
"And you disn't think that this was more important than everyone being happy?" I asked. "Wes, you could have told us. You were locked away in that office, and no one knew why you avoiding the rest of us." and I had been too wrapped up in my son to ask why. The thought had come to me, but then... something else had always come up.
Then, I asked carefully, "What was the lesson?" I chanced a glance out at the waves, slightly surprised when the motion didn't make me dizzy this time. Instead, it kinda of soothed me, kept me from getting angry. I... couldn't feel any emotions just yet; still working on it.
"How long was I down there?" I asked suddenly, worried. There was no way to tell the passage of time under the water. He didn't seem too much older, but then... you never knew. Connor had put me down there with the hope I would never be able to get back, but... this. Unexpected. And I still didn't know what he thought he owed me.
"It's over and done with, Angel. I've learned my lesson." Trust no one but yourself, everyone will let you down eventually. I steered the boat into the harbor and into the small docking bay. "The lesson?" I ask. I sniff and shake my head.
"It's better to be on your own. No one can hurt you that way. You know?" I look up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You may have had a point when you fired us al those years ago." I look back at him and snort.
Shutting off the engine I look out over the harbor. "You've been down there at least a month or two possibly. I don't know for certain. I'm sure Connor can tell you." Provided he will. Luckily I've parked my car nearby the boat. "Can you walk or do you need help getting to the car?" Drop him off at the Hyperion and get the hell out. Dues paid.
I had no answer for him as to that. Wasn't sure I wanted to answer. In a way, he was still blaming me for what had happened back then. I shook myself; that was past.
"I didn't have a point, and you know it," I finally said stiffly. "No one needs to be alone." Then, I slowly pushed myself to my feet as the boat touched land. My stance wavered, but I forced myself upright.
"Connor and I are going to be having a little talk," I said as I began to walk slowly toward the door. "I'm sure that'll come up somewhere in there." Along with a few... other subjects.
Like why we don't throw people in the ocean.
"I can walk." I said. The sooner I got back to the hotel, the better. I needed to make sure the thers were okay, in addition to having that 'little talk' with Connor. Somehow, I didn't think the talk would be about the birds and the bees, or whatever the hell people called them these days.
Holding my hands up I shrug at him. Fine walk on your own then. Don't expect me to come pick you up again when you fall on your face. I hover behind him as he makes his way of the boat. I know he's not actually strong enough to walk but whatever he wants right? I try to pull the sleeve of my sweater over the bandage but have to stop when it doesn't fit.
I raise my eyebrow as he mumbles about having a little talk with Connor. I certainly hope he will. Pity I won't be around for that. Opening the car I help him inside, apparently that's an automatic thing, helping him. I really ought to stop that. I jog to the drivers side and start the engine.
Next stop, the Hyperion. Hand over Angel to whomever the hell is there and get out again.
Reply
Reply
"No..." I said slowly. "He knew what he was doing." I glanced at Wesley, then back at my hands in my lap. "He wanted to do it. He thinks... he thinks I killed Holtz."
And why wouldn't he want to sink me in the ocean for that.
"Why am I hearing a buzzing?" I asked, frowning. "Do you hear it?" Damn annoying, and it's not going away anytime soon, I don't think.
Silent, and then I added, "And you do. Still care, I mean." Not stupid. Just a little lost, dizzy, and still kinda hungry, but... coming back together? I could remember now, and wasn't sure I quite wanted to. Nothing had been exactly... cheerful before I'd... gone for a swim, and now?
Reply
Buzzing? Probably water in his ears. "You probably have water in your ears. It'll go way," I wave at him. Worrying about a buzzing sound, get a grip you sod. There are more important matters at stake here. "Before I take you back to the hotel, when you're ready, I'd like to know what you're going to do about Connor. Yes, he knew what he was doing. But he thought he was doing the right thing based on his upbringing." I'm not going to take him back if that means Connor will get the brunt of this. Of course the boy needs to learn that was he did was wrong, but there are several ways of doing that.
Reply
I pushed away from that; for a second, I had... thought things were back to normal. Like Connor had never happened. Dammit, I was still dazed from being gone so long, trapped. I was surprised I wasn't raving like Dru did... or had I been? I couldn't really remember any of that, still, only... something about fish?
"I don't know. I... understand why he did it, but..." But what? What he had done was wrong. What the hell did Wesley think, that I was going kick the kids ass? Kill him? No. Talk to him, yes.
"Has he... hurt any of the others?" The others... Cordy, Fred, Gunn... Cordelia. She probably hated me now... thought I had stood her up, most likely. The other two... I hoped Connor hadn't done anything to them. Unlikely, because of the way he had been brought up, but then... they had all been helping the infamous 'Angelus', after all ( ... )
Reply
Reply
"Why are you helping me, if you can't stand me?" I'm pissed at him, and in a way, the whole reason I'm so numb and cold right now is his fault, but... for some reason, I suddenly want to know his side of it. I want to know how he sees this whole situation. Whether he knows that his damn prophecy was false, that he was played like a gullible fool ( ... )
Reply
"Threatened to kill me? That pillow over my head while I was laying helpless in a hospital bed was just a threat? You could've fooled me." Shaking my head I glare at him for a moment. "I already told you why I got you out." And that's all I'm going to say about it.
I move over to the steering console and start the engine. For once I curse the fact that I've rented a boat with a silent engine. "You know what hurts the most?" I say, not looking at him but straight ahead as I bring us back to the shore. "That all of you assumed. All of you assumed that I had done nothing to dispel this bloody prophecy. While I went out of my way to find a possibility for it to be false. But everywhere I looked, went, everyone I consulted said the same thing."
Earthquake, fire and ( ... )
Reply
"I... I was seeing Connor as food." I said numbly. I had been... even... down there, I had... seen Connor, dead at my hands, my lips stained with his blood.
"They'd spiked my blood with his blood," I said carefully. He'd turned the engine up, but it still wasn't very loud; I knew he could hear me. "I... we didn't know until earlier that day."
Then, when he didn't reply, I added, "You want to know why we assumed about you? There was nothing to say how hard you'd tried, nothing to say you hadn't just taken it at face value." I stopped to regain a little strength. I still wasn't that strong, and the scent of Wesley's blood was teasing me.
Before I lapsed into silence, I said firmly, "And if I'd really wanted you dead, do you really think Gunn and the other guys could have pulled me off? So yeah, threatenedI'd been pissed off at the time; maybe I still was. My emotions were still all undercover, so I was... pretty much just poking ( ... )
Reply
I glare at him over my shoulder, while I crank up the engine another notch. "I just want to make certain Connor gets his father back. His real father. And make no mistake, Angel. For Connor Holtz is his father." Tensing my yaw, I turn around again and look out over the ocean. That's all I have to say about this. And I really wished I could tell him I don't hate him. But too much has happened. Resent him, yes, but hate? no.
Reply
Reply
I roll my eyes toward the ceiling at the Holtz remark. He can't let that one rest. "He's dead," I say gruffly. We both know that. Idiot. "The others are fine." And so am I, thanks for asking. I watch as the lights of the harbor come closer. Thank god, I can't wait for this to be over. I've done my job, I don't owe them anything anymore.
Reply
Then, I asked carefully, "What was the lesson?" I chanced a glance out at the waves, slightly surprised when the motion didn't make me dizzy this time. Instead, it kinda of soothed me, kept me from getting angry. I... couldn't feel any emotions just yet; still working on it.
"How long was I down there?" I asked suddenly, worried. There was no way to tell the passage of time under the water. He didn't seem too much older, but then... you never knew. Connor had put me down there with the hope I would never be able to get back, but... this. Unexpected. And I still didn't know what he thought he owed me.
Reply
"It's better to be on your own. No one can hurt you that way. You know?" I look up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You may have had a point when you fired us al those years ago." I look back at him and snort.
Shutting off the engine I look out over the harbor. "You've been down there at least a month or two possibly. I don't know for certain. I'm sure Connor can tell you." Provided he will. Luckily I've parked my car nearby the boat. "Can you walk or do you need help getting to the car?" Drop him off at the Hyperion and get the hell out. Dues paid.
Reply
"I didn't have a point, and you know it," I finally said stiffly. "No one needs to be alone." Then, I slowly pushed myself to my feet as the boat touched land. My stance wavered, but I forced myself upright.
"Connor and I are going to be having a little talk," I said as I began to walk slowly toward the door. "I'm sure that'll come up somewhere in there." Along with a few... other subjects.
Like why we don't throw people in the ocean.
"I can walk." I said. The sooner I got back to the hotel, the better. I needed to make sure the thers were okay, in addition to having that 'little talk' with Connor. Somehow, I didn't think the talk would be about the birds and the bees, or whatever the hell people called them these days.
Reply
I raise my eyebrow as he mumbles about having a little talk with Connor. I certainly hope he will. Pity I won't be around for that. Opening the car I help him inside, apparently that's an automatic thing, helping him. I really ought to stop that. I jog to the drivers side and start the engine.
Next stop, the Hyperion. Hand over Angel to whomever the hell is there and get out again.
Reply
Leave a comment