"No and no. I didn't mean you were going to kill him and I don't like your tone of voice. And no he didn't do anything to the others other then letting them believe he has no idea where you are. They've been looking for you all over and he's been looking with them." The other will be furious with the boy for lying at them. I hope Angel can make them understand.
But that's none of my business. And I'm not going to explain the prophecy to him either. "And I'm not over 'that'. However, it's to late for 'that' now." Why bother explaining now. They all assumed, they all made their choice to cast me out. Even after I've almost died for each and every one of them. I would've given my life for each and everyone of them and almost did. And this is how they repay me. By assuming they know me and thinking me capable of betraying them like that. When all I tried to do was safe Angel and Connor. All of them really.
"The others are quite worried about you. They're afraid you've been killed or something. They've tried several things to find you." except ask me for help. Because heaven forbid they'd sink that low. No, they only ask for help if they have no where else to go. Then they suddenly know the way to the door of the 'betrayer'. "So when you're ready? I'll take you to the Hyperion. I'm certain the others will be quite happy to see you." Unlike how they are seeing me. I'll just drop him off, leave it to them and get the hell out.
"What happened to you, Wesley?" I asked quietly, halting his speech. He's bitter, and he has every right to be, but...
"Why are you helping me, if you can't stand me?" I'm pissed at him, and in a way, the whole reason I'm so numb and cold right now is his fault, but... for some reason, I suddenly want to know his side of it. I want to know how he sees this whole situation. Whether he knows that his damn prophecy was false, that he was played like a gullible fool.
I want to know that he knows how this, in a way, is all his fault.
Most of all, I just want him to know how much he's hurt me. One of my closest friends, my family had listened to the first thing he had heard, without checking it at all, and... and taken the thing that meant most to me. Well, my son had been returned- only thing was, he hated me, all that I stood for, and had tried to get rid of me.
Wesley had come all the way out here to find me... for what? Bullshit about the city needing me. Everyone else could handle it fine, especially, I thought bitterly, Connor with his damn taser. So why the hell would anyone come looking for me, someone he hated?
"Why?" I asked, looking at Wesley. "You hate me, and I've threatened to kill you. Why help me?" I noticed I hadn't said I still hated the man, and let it go. I didn't care right now; I was possessed by this sharp burning to find out why.
I glanced around the boat, everything sharpened by hunger and my still-hurting eyes, and I saw two unopened bottles of blood. Why the hell had he given me his blood when he still had more over there? What the hell was going on with him these days?
And why did I suddenly care, at least somewhat more, again?
What happened to me? I laugh bitterly at that moving away from him. There's blood oozing through the bandage. Rummaging through the first aid kit, I get out another one and roll it over the one already around my arm. What happened to me. Good god, what a stupid question.
"Threatened to kill me? That pillow over my head while I was laying helpless in a hospital bed was just a threat? You could've fooled me." Shaking my head I glare at him for a moment. "I already told you why I got you out." And that's all I'm going to say about it.
I move over to the steering console and start the engine. For once I curse the fact that I've rented a boat with a silent engine. "You know what hurts the most?" I say, not looking at him but straight ahead as I bring us back to the shore. "That all of you assumed. All of you assumed that I had done nothing to dispel this bloody prophecy. While I went out of my way to find a possibility for it to be false. But everywhere I looked, went, everyone I consulted said the same thing."
Earthquake, fire and blood in the sky.
"At least I'd have something to snack on."
"You were acting funny around Connor. You were seeing him as food. What was I supposed to think." Taking a deep breath, I shake my head again and blink as the world tilts a bit to the side. "It doesn't matter. It's done. But it's nice to know that my friends, my family, thought so little of me. They even thought that I could betray them this way."
Turning around I look at him coldly for a moment. "Do you know what my only reason for living was when I was laying in that park, bleeding to death? The only reason was that I would be able to explain to you all what really happened. But neither of you thought me worthy of that chance. That...Angel...told me everything I needed to know." Turning around I crank up the engine in the hope that it'll be very loud. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't care.
I watched, my face blank, as Wesley ranted. I... fuck. That was the only word coming to mind.
"I... I was seeing Connor as food." I said numbly. I had been... even... down there, I had... seen Connor, dead at my hands, my lips stained with his blood.
"They'd spiked my blood with his blood," I said carefully. He'd turned the engine up, but it still wasn't very loud; I knew he could hear me. "I... we didn't know until earlier that day."
Then, when he didn't reply, I added, "You want to know why we assumed about you? There was nothing to say how hard you'd tried, nothing to say you hadn't just taken it at face value." I stopped to regain a little strength. I still wasn't that strong, and the scent of Wesley's blood was teasing me.
Before I lapsed into silence, I said firmly, "And if I'd really wanted you dead, do you really think Gunn and the other guys could have pulled me off? So yeah, threatened."
I'd been pissed off at the time; maybe I still was. My emotions were still all undercover, so I was... pretty much just poking at this as an outsider, seeing what I thought. Meanwhile, I was amazed at how much Wesley had changed. I wondered how much of it was for the worse.
"Like I said. It's nice to know that you all assumed. It makes me wonder what you all thought of me al those years," I grumbled. Sodding git, giving him his righteous act. That one doesn't work with my anymore, not after what he tried to do. Not after everything that happened.
I glare at him over my shoulder, while I crank up the engine another notch. "I just want to make certain Connor gets his father back. His real father. And make no mistake, Angel. For Connor Holtz is his father." Tensing my yaw, I turn around again and look out over the ocean. That's all I have to say about this. And I really wished I could tell him I don't hate him. But too much has happened. Resent him, yes, but hate? no.
Following his gaze out across the ocean, I froze and shuddered. I doubted I ever be able to look at it the same again, and no wonder.
"We thought you were someone we could always trust. Then... you couldn't even tell us about that prophecy?" I asked. That had probably hurt the most of all. We had all trusted Wesley; he had been our friend, our boss... part of the family. Then he couldn't even tell us, Hell, even me, that I was supposed to kill my damn son? He couldn't tell me, instead had to go and steal him, not trusting me?
"And you're going to return Holtz to Connor?" I asked, confused. My head wasn't completely clear yet, and... he had said he was going to return Connor's father to him... what?
I glanced up at Wesley at the front of the boat, before looking back at my hands. Cold again, I hauled the blankets closer around me; we were still a ways out from shore- Connor and Justine had wanted to make sure there was no chance anyone would find me.
But then, Connor hadn't known Wes.
When I got back to the hotel, I was going to have to have a talk with Connor; whether or not he hated me... no, wait, that did give him a reason to do that. On one hand, I was pissed at him, but on the other, I still loved him. How could I not?
"You're sure the others are okay?" I asked, to fill the silence.
"Who was I supposed to tell, Angel. Cordelia was away on vacation. Fred and Gunn were all wrapped up in each other. They were all so goddamn happy." While I was alone and non of them noticed me staying up all night for days on end. "And you were acting strange. But it doesn't matter now. I've learned my lesson." Don't let anyone close ever again. They'll only hurt you in the end. Sooner or later.
I roll my eyes toward the ceiling at the Holtz remark. He can't let that one rest. "He's dead," I say gruffly. We both know that. Idiot. "The others are fine." And so am I, thanks for asking. I watch as the lights of the harbor come closer. Thank god, I can't wait for this to be over. I've done my job, I don't owe them anything anymore.
"And you disn't think that this was more important than everyone being happy?" I asked. "Wes, you could have told us. You were locked away in that office, and no one knew why you avoiding the rest of us." and I had been too wrapped up in my son to ask why. The thought had come to me, but then... something else had always come up.
Then, I asked carefully, "What was the lesson?" I chanced a glance out at the waves, slightly surprised when the motion didn't make me dizzy this time. Instead, it kinda of soothed me, kept me from getting angry. I... couldn't feel any emotions just yet; still working on it.
"How long was I down there?" I asked suddenly, worried. There was no way to tell the passage of time under the water. He didn't seem too much older, but then... you never knew. Connor had put me down there with the hope I would never be able to get back, but... this. Unexpected. And I still didn't know what he thought he owed me.
"It's over and done with, Angel. I've learned my lesson." Trust no one but yourself, everyone will let you down eventually. I steered the boat into the harbor and into the small docking bay. "The lesson?" I ask. I sniff and shake my head.
"It's better to be on your own. No one can hurt you that way. You know?" I look up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You may have had a point when you fired us al those years ago." I look back at him and snort.
Shutting off the engine I look out over the harbor. "You've been down there at least a month or two possibly. I don't know for certain. I'm sure Connor can tell you." Provided he will. Luckily I've parked my car nearby the boat. "Can you walk or do you need help getting to the car?" Drop him off at the Hyperion and get the hell out. Dues paid.
I had no answer for him as to that. Wasn't sure I wanted to answer. In a way, he was still blaming me for what had happened back then. I shook myself; that was past.
"I didn't have a point, and you know it," I finally said stiffly. "No one needs to be alone." Then, I slowly pushed myself to my feet as the boat touched land. My stance wavered, but I forced myself upright.
"Connor and I are going to be having a little talk," I said as I began to walk slowly toward the door. "I'm sure that'll come up somewhere in there." Along with a few... other subjects.
Like why we don't throw people in the ocean.
"I can walk." I said. The sooner I got back to the hotel, the better. I needed to make sure the thers were okay, in addition to having that 'little talk' with Connor. Somehow, I didn't think the talk would be about the birds and the bees, or whatever the hell people called them these days.
Holding my hands up I shrug at him. Fine walk on your own then. Don't expect me to come pick you up again when you fall on your face. I hover behind him as he makes his way of the boat. I know he's not actually strong enough to walk but whatever he wants right? I try to pull the sleeve of my sweater over the bandage but have to stop when it doesn't fit.
I raise my eyebrow as he mumbles about having a little talk with Connor. I certainly hope he will. Pity I won't be around for that. Opening the car I help him inside, apparently that's an automatic thing, helping him. I really ought to stop that. I jog to the drivers side and start the engine.
Next stop, the Hyperion. Hand over Angel to whomever the hell is there and get out again.
But that's none of my business. And I'm not going to explain the prophecy to him either. "And I'm not over 'that'. However, it's to late for 'that' now." Why bother explaining now. They all assumed, they all made their choice to cast me out. Even after I've almost died for each and every one of them. I would've given my life for each and everyone of them and almost did. And this is how they repay me. By assuming they know me and thinking me capable of betraying them like that. When all I tried to do was safe Angel and Connor. All of them really.
"The others are quite worried about you. They're afraid you've been killed or something. They've tried several things to find you." except ask me for help. Because heaven forbid they'd sink that low. No, they only ask for help if they have no where else to go. Then they suddenly know the way to the door of the 'betrayer'. "So when you're ready? I'll take you to the Hyperion. I'm certain the others will be quite happy to see you." Unlike how they are seeing me. I'll just drop him off, leave it to them and get the hell out.
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"Why are you helping me, if you can't stand me?" I'm pissed at him, and in a way, the whole reason I'm so numb and cold right now is his fault, but... for some reason, I suddenly want to know his side of it. I want to know how he sees this whole situation. Whether he knows that his damn prophecy was false, that he was played like a gullible fool.
I want to know that he knows how this, in a way, is all his fault.
Most of all, I just want him to know how much he's hurt me. One of my closest friends, my family had listened to the first thing he had heard, without checking it at all, and... and taken the thing that meant most to me. Well, my son had been returned- only thing was, he hated me, all that I stood for, and had tried to get rid of me.
Wesley had come all the way out here to find me... for what? Bullshit about the city needing me. Everyone else could handle it fine, especially, I thought bitterly, Connor with his damn taser. So why the hell would anyone come looking for me, someone he hated?
"Why?" I asked, looking at Wesley. "You hate me, and I've threatened to kill you. Why help me?" I noticed I hadn't said I still hated the man, and let it go. I didn't care right now; I was possessed by this sharp burning to find out why.
I glanced around the boat, everything sharpened by hunger and my still-hurting eyes, and I saw two unopened bottles of blood. Why the hell had he given me his blood when he still had more over there? What the hell was going on with him these days?
And why did I suddenly care, at least somewhat more, again?
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"Threatened to kill me? That pillow over my head while I was laying helpless in a hospital bed was just a threat? You could've fooled me." Shaking my head I glare at him for a moment. "I already told you why I got you out." And that's all I'm going to say about it.
I move over to the steering console and start the engine. For once I curse the fact that I've rented a boat with a silent engine. "You know what hurts the most?" I say, not looking at him but straight ahead as I bring us back to the shore. "That all of you assumed. All of you assumed that I had done nothing to dispel this bloody prophecy. While I went out of my way to find a possibility for it to be false. But everywhere I looked, went, everyone I consulted said the same thing."
Earthquake, fire and blood in the sky.
"At least I'd have something to snack on."
"You were acting funny around Connor. You were seeing him as food. What was I supposed to think." Taking a deep breath, I shake my head again and blink as the world tilts a bit to the side. "It doesn't matter. It's done. But it's nice to know that my friends, my family, thought so little of me. They even thought that I could betray them this way."
Turning around I look at him coldly for a moment. "Do you know what my only reason for living was when I was laying in that park, bleeding to death? The only reason was that I would be able to explain to you all what really happened. But neither of you thought me worthy of that chance. That...Angel...told me everything I needed to know." Turning around I crank up the engine in the hope that it'll be very loud. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't care.
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"I... I was seeing Connor as food." I said numbly. I had been... even... down there, I had... seen Connor, dead at my hands, my lips stained with his blood.
"They'd spiked my blood with his blood," I said carefully. He'd turned the engine up, but it still wasn't very loud; I knew he could hear me. "I... we didn't know until earlier that day."
Then, when he didn't reply, I added, "You want to know why we assumed about you? There was nothing to say how hard you'd tried, nothing to say you hadn't just taken it at face value." I stopped to regain a little strength. I still wasn't that strong, and the scent of Wesley's blood was teasing me.
Before I lapsed into silence, I said firmly, "And if I'd really wanted you dead, do you really think Gunn and the other guys could have pulled me off? So yeah, threatened."
I'd been pissed off at the time; maybe I still was. My emotions were still all undercover, so I was... pretty much just poking at this as an outsider, seeing what I thought. Meanwhile, I was amazed at how much Wesley had changed. I wondered how much of it was for the worse.
And how much of it was my fault.
Probably all of it.
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I glare at him over my shoulder, while I crank up the engine another notch. "I just want to make certain Connor gets his father back. His real father. And make no mistake, Angel. For Connor Holtz is his father." Tensing my yaw, I turn around again and look out over the ocean. That's all I have to say about this. And I really wished I could tell him I don't hate him. But too much has happened. Resent him, yes, but hate? no.
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"We thought you were someone we could always trust. Then... you couldn't even tell us about that prophecy?" I asked. That had probably hurt the most of all. We had all trusted Wesley; he had been our friend, our boss... part of the family. Then he couldn't even tell us, Hell, even me, that I was supposed to kill my damn son? He couldn't tell me, instead had to go and steal him, not trusting me?
"And you're going to return Holtz to Connor?" I asked, confused. My head wasn't completely clear yet, and... he had said he was going to return Connor's father to him... what?
I glanced up at Wesley at the front of the boat, before looking back at my hands. Cold again, I hauled the blankets closer around me; we were still a ways out from shore- Connor and Justine had wanted to make sure there was no chance anyone would find me.
But then, Connor hadn't known Wes.
When I got back to the hotel, I was going to have to have a talk with Connor; whether or not he hated me... no, wait, that did give him a reason to do that. On one hand, I was pissed at him, but on the other, I still loved him. How could I not?
"You're sure the others are okay?" I asked, to fill the silence.
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I roll my eyes toward the ceiling at the Holtz remark. He can't let that one rest. "He's dead," I say gruffly. We both know that. Idiot. "The others are fine." And so am I, thanks for asking. I watch as the lights of the harbor come closer. Thank god, I can't wait for this to be over. I've done my job, I don't owe them anything anymore.
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Then, I asked carefully, "What was the lesson?" I chanced a glance out at the waves, slightly surprised when the motion didn't make me dizzy this time. Instead, it kinda of soothed me, kept me from getting angry. I... couldn't feel any emotions just yet; still working on it.
"How long was I down there?" I asked suddenly, worried. There was no way to tell the passage of time under the water. He didn't seem too much older, but then... you never knew. Connor had put me down there with the hope I would never be able to get back, but... this. Unexpected. And I still didn't know what he thought he owed me.
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"It's better to be on your own. No one can hurt you that way. You know?" I look up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You may have had a point when you fired us al those years ago." I look back at him and snort.
Shutting off the engine I look out over the harbor. "You've been down there at least a month or two possibly. I don't know for certain. I'm sure Connor can tell you." Provided he will. Luckily I've parked my car nearby the boat. "Can you walk or do you need help getting to the car?" Drop him off at the Hyperion and get the hell out. Dues paid.
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"I didn't have a point, and you know it," I finally said stiffly. "No one needs to be alone." Then, I slowly pushed myself to my feet as the boat touched land. My stance wavered, but I forced myself upright.
"Connor and I are going to be having a little talk," I said as I began to walk slowly toward the door. "I'm sure that'll come up somewhere in there." Along with a few... other subjects.
Like why we don't throw people in the ocean.
"I can walk." I said. The sooner I got back to the hotel, the better. I needed to make sure the thers were okay, in addition to having that 'little talk' with Connor. Somehow, I didn't think the talk would be about the birds and the bees, or whatever the hell people called them these days.
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I raise my eyebrow as he mumbles about having a little talk with Connor. I certainly hope he will. Pity I won't be around for that. Opening the car I help him inside, apparently that's an automatic thing, helping him. I really ought to stop that. I jog to the drivers side and start the engine.
Next stop, the Hyperion. Hand over Angel to whomever the hell is there and get out again.
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