I want drugs..
I was looking at old pictures from back in my raving days and It dawned on me. Those were my happiest days. I was living the rock star lifestyle. Sex, drugs and pounding technomusic. yes, I know that's a bad thing. I know that I wasted alot of time and I could've been doing better things with my life around then but... I was happy. I didn't have a care in the world and if I did, I wasn't sober enough to really care.
Yet, I know that I can't go back. As much as I wish I could, I can't. I'm on the path to doing better things with my life and that would sidetrack me. Yet... I miss the partying.. I also miss throwing parties. I miss being in charge of the events. I miss having people under me and I could tell them what to do while I went and hit the pipe. lol.
I don't want to be in charge at my current job b/c of all the politics but when I was raving. I still had a love for it. I knew that people came there to get fucked up and do stupid shit but I also knew that people were happy at my events. Sure, people might've been ruining their lives but at least they were also happy.
Isn't that what life is about? It's so short as it is, why not just be happy and enjoy the ride while we can? We're all gonna die eventually. There is nothing we can do about it and it's not like we can take the memories with us.
I know I'm rambling madness. I know that what I'm saying isn't healthy. Part of me want to just vent this out and never think about it again but part of me wants to go down that spiral again. *sigh*
Yet, I know that I can't go back. As much as I wish I could, I can't. I'm on the path to doing better things with my life and that would sidetrack me. Yet... I miss the partying.. I also miss throwing parties. I miss being in charge of the events. I miss having people under me and I could tell them what to do while I went and hit the pipe. lol.
I don't want to be in charge at my current job b/c of all the politics but when I was raving. I still had a love for it. I knew that people came there to get fucked up and do stupid shit but I also knew that people were happy at my events. Sure, people might've been ruining their lives but at least they were also happy.
Isn't that what life is about? It's so short as it is, why not just be happy and enjoy the ride while we can? We're all gonna die eventually. There is nothing we can do about it and it's not like we can take the memories with us.
I know I'm rambling madness. I know that what I'm saying isn't healthy. Part of me want to just vent this out and never think about it again but part of me wants to go down that spiral again. *sigh*