31 Days - Those Who Exist Outside of Time
Title: Those Who Exist Outside of Time
Day/Theme: 21st June 2010; still we are the past together
Series: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Character(s)/Pairing(s): John, Cameron, mentions others; John/Cameron
Rating: G
Notes: Set post-Judgement Day with grown-up Present John. Spoilers for Allison from Palmdale, and contains heavy time travel discussions.
The words on the latest supplies report in John's hands were starting to bleed together into a giant splotch of ink. He tried squinting. The splotch shifted but refused to give up its mundane non-secrets. Undaunted, the man narrowed his eyes into slits, mentally willing the letters to scuttle back into shape so he could make sense of it all and continue his work.
However, just as he was beginning to win this strange battle of wills, the sensation of several warm fingers grazing the back of his neck broke his concentration and sent him halfway out of his seat, a strangled yelp of surprise almost escaping his lips as he came face-to-face with a very familiar figure in his life.
"You have a high level of stress," Cameron observed with a barely perceptible tinge of worry in her voice that spoke volumes about how she felt about her findings. Swallowing audibly as he attempted to calm his thundering heart, the General of the human Resistance attempted to formulate a witty response. "Well, that's not a surprise if you're going to be sneaking up on me like that," he remarked dryly.
She eyed him quizzically. "I did not sneak up on you. I called your name once upon my entry, a second time as I approached you and a third before I scanned your vitals."
John winced; he'd have to have been seriously out of it if he hadn't even noticed her calling him, much less her presence when she wasn't playing cyborg-ninja - if she had been telling the truth, that is, but that was another matter entirely.
"John..." Cameron started again, her voice drawing him out of his reverie. "You have not slept in twenty-eight hours and sixteen minutes." She paused. "Twenty-eight hours and seventeen minutes. You need to rest. Sleep deprivation leads to fatigue, clumsiness and fluctuations in weight. Other physiological side effects may include memory loss, dizziness, cognitive impairment, headaches and a decrease in reaction time among others. This will severely impact your ability to perform your duties."
Despite his exhaustion, he couldn't help a grin. "Only you could know something like that." His deflective remark earned him what he liked to call Cameron's 'I'm a very scary robot so you better think twice about trying to get around me especially if you're John Connor' look. "Okay, okay," he conceded weakly as he held his hands up in mock surrender, "I'll take a nap or something. Just let me finish up these reports-"
"You are concerned. About Kyle Reese." The bluntness of her statement caused John to flinch; Cameron was perhaps the only one in the world who could read him like an open book. He'd been actively trying not to think about how he was soon going to have to send one of his best soldiers - who also happened to be his father - through the TDE to protect his mother, and within minutes she had called him out on it.
Letting out a weary sigh, the man let himself fall unceremoniously back into his chair. "I know. I know that if I don't send Kyle Reese back, the T-800 will kill Sarah Connor and as a result, John Connor will never be born and humanity will be destroyed by Skynet once Judgement Day comes along. I know all that."
"You wish you could spend more time with him." Again, the cyborg displayed her impeccable knack for comprehending her charge's exact thought processes. John attributed it to brilliant programming - thank you, Skynet, for the only good thing you've ever made - and years of being by his side, and idly wondered just how much of Cameron's CPU was devoted to maintaining an in-depth file on him.
"It's just... am I changing something or just maintaining things?" He turned to her and attempted a bemused smile, although the result merely amplified how tired he looked and felt. "You're the one with the supercomputer for a brain, so tell me."
Silence descended upon them, and the General could almost hear her CPU whirr as it processed the information and formulated a response. "There is insufficient data regarding the ramifications of time travel," she intoned, but the way she said it told him there was more to come. "However, I have been able to deduce three plausible theories. The first states that time is linear; following this theory, your actions and their outcomes have been predetermined as our present is the past. In this case, you will send Kyle Reese back to protect your mother because you have already done so in the past and are merely repeating events. Are you aware of the predestination paradox?"
He nodded. "By going back in time to prevent something, a person ends up causing it. Stuff like that." The story of his life. And possibly Skynet's. They were practically brothers in a twisted shared-destinies sort of way. "You said three. What are the other two?"
"Time is linear but its events are not set. Should you not send Kyle Reese back, Sarah Connor will die at the hands of the T-800 and you will not be born. Consequently, this present that we inhabit will alter itself to accommodate your non-existence and possibly be shaped into one where Skynet succeeds in the destruction of humanity."
There was a pause. "There is also the possibility that alternate realities exist, which allows for time travellers to alter their future through the actions they do or do not perform. If Kyle Reese is not sent back to protect Sarah Connor, this present will continue to exist, but an alternate timeline where John Connor is not born and does not lead the Resistance in the war against Skynet will be created." Neither of which were very desirable options. John couldn't help but grimace. Kyle had to be sent back, and that was that. At least he knew he and his mom would fall in love.
But truth be told, there was one other thing that had been occupying his thoughts...
"Something besides Kyle Reese is also worrying you."
Okay, so sometimes Cameron's elite skill at reading his mind creeped him out just a little bit.
"I've been thinking..." John trailed off as he stared at the floor, suddenly finding it hard to speak or meet her gaze. "One of these days, am I going to have to send you back as well? To protect my younger self, that is." The pain of it all ate at him; sending Kyle off was one thing, but Cameron... Cameron was another matter altogether. The first and foremost fact being that he loved them both in entirely different ways.
The silence that blanketed the room this time was suffocating, and the lack of a response on her part only served to confirm his worst fears. He was going to lose her. To his younger self. The irony of the situation would have been hilarious if he were in the mood to laugh.
A soft touch to his cheek caused him to look up, his eyes immediately meeting her dark brown orbs. "It would be different," she spoke quietly. "Huh?" was the only response he could produce. Damn, maybe those twenty-something hours of no sleep were finally catching up to him.
"Sending me back as I am would be different from sending Kyle Reese back," she explained with the patience only her kind possessed. "Kyle Reese was a child on Judgement Day who grew up into the Resistance fighter he is today. He will be sent back to protect Sarah Connor with the ultimate result being the conception and birth of the individual known as John Connor. His existence is an established constant brought about by generations of the Reese lineage predating any Skynet involvement, and one that does not rely on the development of time travel technology."
She stopped there, and only resumed when he'd nodded to show he was following. "But I was created by Skynet to replace the individual known as Allison Young with the purpose of infiltrating John Connor's camp and terminating him. I was unsuccessful and was captured before being reprogrammed to fight for the Resistance. Eventually I was sent back to protect young John Connor and aid in efforts to prevent Judgement Day. I was sent back to protect you." He did not miss the all-too-human warmth that her voice and gaze were infused with.
"With the exception of several occasions-" John winced; he didn't want to remember those dark days, "-I have been by your side, and retain all my memories of the events that transpired since then. I have learnt many things. Should I be sent back with my database intact, I would drastically alter the timeline simply by having the advantage of knowing what to anticipate."
He couldn't help but grin a little. "I bet all that knowledge would also help with the frustrating task of dealing with stupid bratty Teenage Me who didn't appreciate you until he nearly lost you for good."
"It was difficult," she admitted solemnly, "but not as difficult as it is sometimes managing you."
That earned her a raised eyebrow. "So now you're defending me from... well, me?"
"Young John is not present to defend himself."
"...Did you just call me old?"
"Regardless," she continued, and he scowled at how easily she'd changed the topic, "we currently exist in a timeline where my creation by Skynet may no longer come to be as Allison Young is not a trusted Resistance member with close proximity to John Connor. However, it is possible that Skynet finds another reason to capture her and create an infiltrator in her image. This seems to be the most plausible scenario at the moment. Another approach would be that I came from an alternate future that is no longer accessible due to the numerous changes made to our past but continue to exist because that future is my past."
What a pair we make, he mused. I'm the product of a causal loop and you're technically not supposed to exist here and now. So much for not being freaks.
"Unless..." John suddenly didn't like where this conversation was going. "Skynet were to capture and reprogram me, effectively erasing all my memories and beginning the cycle again, or you were to do it yourself-"
His hand immediately flew up to clutch hers, cutting her off before she could finish. "That's not going to happen," he growled, somewhat furious that she had even suggested it. "Not now. Not ever." So much for reassurance. Maybe he could try and confine her to research duties for the next few months just to be on the safe side - or reduce his paranoia, whichever it was. Of course, if she found out, he was definitely going to pay for it. But he'd already decided a long time ago that having her mad at him was much more preferable compared to losing her.
"I upset you. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," he sighed wearily, rubbing his face with his free hand. "I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime, I'll have someone keep watch over Corporal Young. And maybe ask John Henry to let me know if and when Skynet advances to the stage of being able to design something similar to your model."
"That would be the most logical option. For now-"
"-I need sleep. I know." He smirked at her. "Just let me finish one last report-"
"They can wait," Cameron insisted even as she half-dragged him out of his chair and towards the bed. "I have already instructed your men not to disturb your rest unless it was a matter of dire importance."
"That's abuse of power," he joked, flopping down on the worn mattress without letting go of her hand. "Come on, stay here with me for a while," he cajoled as he tried to tug her down with him. "I have it on good authority you haven't stopped working for about as long as I've been awake."
"I don't sleep," she reminded him, adamantly resisting his efforts to persuade her to take an unnecessary break. "The engineers requested my help-"
"They can wait," he parroted her words back to her, grinning all the while. She frowned but ultimately relented, stretching out beside him and letting him wrap his arm around her waist and pull her closer. Already he could feel himself drifting into blissful unconsciousness; her presence had that calming effect on him.
"Cameron?"
"Yes, John?"
"I'm glad you were sent to protect me."
"I'm glad I was sent to protect you too."
Day/Theme: 21st June 2010; still we are the past together
Series: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Character(s)/Pairing(s): John, Cameron, mentions others; John/Cameron
Rating: G
Notes: Set post-Judgement Day with grown-up Present John. Spoilers for Allison from Palmdale, and contains heavy time travel discussions.
The words on the latest supplies report in John's hands were starting to bleed together into a giant splotch of ink. He tried squinting. The splotch shifted but refused to give up its mundane non-secrets. Undaunted, the man narrowed his eyes into slits, mentally willing the letters to scuttle back into shape so he could make sense of it all and continue his work.
However, just as he was beginning to win this strange battle of wills, the sensation of several warm fingers grazing the back of his neck broke his concentration and sent him halfway out of his seat, a strangled yelp of surprise almost escaping his lips as he came face-to-face with a very familiar figure in his life.
"You have a high level of stress," Cameron observed with a barely perceptible tinge of worry in her voice that spoke volumes about how she felt about her findings. Swallowing audibly as he attempted to calm his thundering heart, the General of the human Resistance attempted to formulate a witty response. "Well, that's not a surprise if you're going to be sneaking up on me like that," he remarked dryly.
She eyed him quizzically. "I did not sneak up on you. I called your name once upon my entry, a second time as I approached you and a third before I scanned your vitals."
John winced; he'd have to have been seriously out of it if he hadn't even noticed her calling him, much less her presence when she wasn't playing cyborg-ninja - if she had been telling the truth, that is, but that was another matter entirely.
"John..." Cameron started again, her voice drawing him out of his reverie. "You have not slept in twenty-eight hours and sixteen minutes." She paused. "Twenty-eight hours and seventeen minutes. You need to rest. Sleep deprivation leads to fatigue, clumsiness and fluctuations in weight. Other physiological side effects may include memory loss, dizziness, cognitive impairment, headaches and a decrease in reaction time among others. This will severely impact your ability to perform your duties."
Despite his exhaustion, he couldn't help a grin. "Only you could know something like that." His deflective remark earned him what he liked to call Cameron's 'I'm a very scary robot so you better think twice about trying to get around me especially if you're John Connor' look. "Okay, okay," he conceded weakly as he held his hands up in mock surrender, "I'll take a nap or something. Just let me finish up these reports-"
"You are concerned. About Kyle Reese." The bluntness of her statement caused John to flinch; Cameron was perhaps the only one in the world who could read him like an open book. He'd been actively trying not to think about how he was soon going to have to send one of his best soldiers - who also happened to be his father - through the TDE to protect his mother, and within minutes she had called him out on it.
Letting out a weary sigh, the man let himself fall unceremoniously back into his chair. "I know. I know that if I don't send Kyle Reese back, the T-800 will kill Sarah Connor and as a result, John Connor will never be born and humanity will be destroyed by Skynet once Judgement Day comes along. I know all that."
"You wish you could spend more time with him." Again, the cyborg displayed her impeccable knack for comprehending her charge's exact thought processes. John attributed it to brilliant programming - thank you, Skynet, for the only good thing you've ever made - and years of being by his side, and idly wondered just how much of Cameron's CPU was devoted to maintaining an in-depth file on him.
"It's just... am I changing something or just maintaining things?" He turned to her and attempted a bemused smile, although the result merely amplified how tired he looked and felt. "You're the one with the supercomputer for a brain, so tell me."
Silence descended upon them, and the General could almost hear her CPU whirr as it processed the information and formulated a response. "There is insufficient data regarding the ramifications of time travel," she intoned, but the way she said it told him there was more to come. "However, I have been able to deduce three plausible theories. The first states that time is linear; following this theory, your actions and their outcomes have been predetermined as our present is the past. In this case, you will send Kyle Reese back to protect your mother because you have already done so in the past and are merely repeating events. Are you aware of the predestination paradox?"
He nodded. "By going back in time to prevent something, a person ends up causing it. Stuff like that." The story of his life. And possibly Skynet's. They were practically brothers in a twisted shared-destinies sort of way. "You said three. What are the other two?"
"Time is linear but its events are not set. Should you not send Kyle Reese back, Sarah Connor will die at the hands of the T-800 and you will not be born. Consequently, this present that we inhabit will alter itself to accommodate your non-existence and possibly be shaped into one where Skynet succeeds in the destruction of humanity."
There was a pause. "There is also the possibility that alternate realities exist, which allows for time travellers to alter their future through the actions they do or do not perform. If Kyle Reese is not sent back to protect Sarah Connor, this present will continue to exist, but an alternate timeline where John Connor is not born and does not lead the Resistance in the war against Skynet will be created." Neither of which were very desirable options. John couldn't help but grimace. Kyle had to be sent back, and that was that. At least he knew he and his mom would fall in love.
But truth be told, there was one other thing that had been occupying his thoughts...
"Something besides Kyle Reese is also worrying you."
Okay, so sometimes Cameron's elite skill at reading his mind creeped him out just a little bit.
"I've been thinking..." John trailed off as he stared at the floor, suddenly finding it hard to speak or meet her gaze. "One of these days, am I going to have to send you back as well? To protect my younger self, that is." The pain of it all ate at him; sending Kyle off was one thing, but Cameron... Cameron was another matter altogether. The first and foremost fact being that he loved them both in entirely different ways.
The silence that blanketed the room this time was suffocating, and the lack of a response on her part only served to confirm his worst fears. He was going to lose her. To his younger self. The irony of the situation would have been hilarious if he were in the mood to laugh.
A soft touch to his cheek caused him to look up, his eyes immediately meeting her dark brown orbs. "It would be different," she spoke quietly. "Huh?" was the only response he could produce. Damn, maybe those twenty-something hours of no sleep were finally catching up to him.
"Sending me back as I am would be different from sending Kyle Reese back," she explained with the patience only her kind possessed. "Kyle Reese was a child on Judgement Day who grew up into the Resistance fighter he is today. He will be sent back to protect Sarah Connor with the ultimate result being the conception and birth of the individual known as John Connor. His existence is an established constant brought about by generations of the Reese lineage predating any Skynet involvement, and one that does not rely on the development of time travel technology."
She stopped there, and only resumed when he'd nodded to show he was following. "But I was created by Skynet to replace the individual known as Allison Young with the purpose of infiltrating John Connor's camp and terminating him. I was unsuccessful and was captured before being reprogrammed to fight for the Resistance. Eventually I was sent back to protect young John Connor and aid in efforts to prevent Judgement Day. I was sent back to protect you." He did not miss the all-too-human warmth that her voice and gaze were infused with.
"With the exception of several occasions-" John winced; he didn't want to remember those dark days, "-I have been by your side, and retain all my memories of the events that transpired since then. I have learnt many things. Should I be sent back with my database intact, I would drastically alter the timeline simply by having the advantage of knowing what to anticipate."
He couldn't help but grin a little. "I bet all that knowledge would also help with the frustrating task of dealing with stupid bratty Teenage Me who didn't appreciate you until he nearly lost you for good."
"It was difficult," she admitted solemnly, "but not as difficult as it is sometimes managing you."
That earned her a raised eyebrow. "So now you're defending me from... well, me?"
"Young John is not present to defend himself."
"...Did you just call me old?"
"Regardless," she continued, and he scowled at how easily she'd changed the topic, "we currently exist in a timeline where my creation by Skynet may no longer come to be as Allison Young is not a trusted Resistance member with close proximity to John Connor. However, it is possible that Skynet finds another reason to capture her and create an infiltrator in her image. This seems to be the most plausible scenario at the moment. Another approach would be that I came from an alternate future that is no longer accessible due to the numerous changes made to our past but continue to exist because that future is my past."
What a pair we make, he mused. I'm the product of a causal loop and you're technically not supposed to exist here and now. So much for not being freaks.
"Unless..." John suddenly didn't like where this conversation was going. "Skynet were to capture and reprogram me, effectively erasing all my memories and beginning the cycle again, or you were to do it yourself-"
His hand immediately flew up to clutch hers, cutting her off before she could finish. "That's not going to happen," he growled, somewhat furious that she had even suggested it. "Not now. Not ever." So much for reassurance. Maybe he could try and confine her to research duties for the next few months just to be on the safe side - or reduce his paranoia, whichever it was. Of course, if she found out, he was definitely going to pay for it. But he'd already decided a long time ago that having her mad at him was much more preferable compared to losing her.
"I upset you. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," he sighed wearily, rubbing his face with his free hand. "I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime, I'll have someone keep watch over Corporal Young. And maybe ask John Henry to let me know if and when Skynet advances to the stage of being able to design something similar to your model."
"That would be the most logical option. For now-"
"-I need sleep. I know." He smirked at her. "Just let me finish one last report-"
"They can wait," Cameron insisted even as she half-dragged him out of his chair and towards the bed. "I have already instructed your men not to disturb your rest unless it was a matter of dire importance."
"That's abuse of power," he joked, flopping down on the worn mattress without letting go of her hand. "Come on, stay here with me for a while," he cajoled as he tried to tug her down with him. "I have it on good authority you haven't stopped working for about as long as I've been awake."
"I don't sleep," she reminded him, adamantly resisting his efforts to persuade her to take an unnecessary break. "The engineers requested my help-"
"They can wait," he parroted her words back to her, grinning all the while. She frowned but ultimately relented, stretching out beside him and letting him wrap his arm around her waist and pull her closer. Already he could feel himself drifting into blissful unconsciousness; her presence had that calming effect on him.
"Cameron?"
"Yes, John?"
"I'm glad you were sent to protect me."
"I'm glad I was sent to protect you too."