Taurus April 20 - May 20
An attempt to concentrate on more intellectual pursuits will ultimately fail this week, thanks to that shiny thing over there.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

While it's natural for human beings to be resistant to change, it's probably time you started accepting some from generous passersby.

 Taurus April 20 - May 20
Don't bother trying to describe the merciless beating you will soon receive at the hands of a crowbar-wielding psychopath. The look on your face will say it all.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

Remember: Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and the whole world laughs at you.

 Taurus April 20 - May 20
By the time you get around to reading the rest of this week's horoscope, procrastination will already have gotten the best of you.

Your Birthday Today

Although many wrestle with latent homosexual urges, you're the only one the stars know who likes to oil up beforehand.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
The presence of Mercury in your sign can only mean one thing: The stars have officially run out of euphemisms for discussing your monthly menstruation.

[Okay, now I'm just confused...]

[Here ( Read more... )

Taurus April 20 - May 20

You'll finally get the recognition you deserve, when some of the best and brightest minds in the field of malicious sarcasm honor you this week.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

While your towering throne of skulls is still intimidating, the doughnut-shaped hemorrhoid cushion you've been forced to purchase does slightly lessen its overall effect.

My horoscope - here's what the stars say 'bout me.  Mine is never as good as some others, though.  The stars are against me, as are the planets.  At least I'm not paranoid.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

Remember: Whoever said that "money isn't everything" was probably being paid to write proverbs for a living.

[Hey, at least I got off better than Leo]:

( Read more... )

I like this poem.  It's very simple, but it's got me thinking.

"The Garden of Prosperine
by Algernon Charles Swinburne

(excerpt)
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives for ever;
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to ( Read more... )